Hi Girls,
I call myself a serial transitioner, because over the years I have taken a number of steps forward in the process then steps back. I went through the whole purging thing several times over the years in my 20s and 30's. I had a string of relationships and a marriage all that ended in seperation and divorce, either because of my gender dysphoria or my very low sex drive, basically making me unable to have an erection. Other types of sex were fine, but not as a man in a typical male role.
In my marriage when I came out that I was a TS, that ended my marriage. My SO was helpful early on buying me clothes and makeup, but that led to living at first in seperate bedrooms, then formally seperating and divorce 3 years later.
Losing the love of my life that I worshipped, nearly destroyed me. But I kept going. A year later after being made redundant from my job, I had the chance to fully transition and having been on Premarin then for about 10 months decided to live full time as a woman. I was helped by three CIS Gendered straight women friends and slowly adjusted to life as a woman, although I hadnt come out to my family, but montkhy trips to see my parents got more difficult as I started to look more rounded. Everyone made comments how I appeared to be putting on weight.
I then lived full time as a woman (for nearly 12 months) working as a secretary/receptionist. It was heaven. I had a brief relationship with a guy, very fulfilling looking back and in fact this just confirmed ny feelings of being a woman, although I have always been sexually attracted to women
What caused me to de-transition, was being outed at work (The UK some 25 years was not as Trans tolerant as it is today), my financial situation (the divorce had crippled me financially) and being offered a top job overseas in more former self. I didnt want to do it, but made a plan to work towards transitioning again when I could afford it.
I then moved overseas, kept up the Estrogen for over 17 months and lived a sort of half life (weekends and holidays as a woman, living in a Lesbian household), work as a man. I worked on the Electrolysis and other stuff.
Then some changes at my Overseas job saw me losing the job and in the process the crisis forced my hand and I de-transitioned fully , with a big purge and a move to another location.
Over the years I have had little steps in the direction, with the Internet and all the information on the Web especially all the Youtube videos and how especially young people seem to be able to transition so well, but it was the death of my parents that triggered the next set of gender dysphoria doubts. Being back in the UK sorting out their affairs led me to partially transition again to living as a woman for some 3 months.
A Health problem a year later made me think that I needed to move forward again as this dysphoria is never going to leave me. I started back on the beauty treatments, then 6 months ago started on IPL (We didnt have than in the 80s in the UK) and then approached a therapist and GP to discuss getting back on E.
This time I am taking it slowly, in measured steps, as I have learnt a lot over the years. There is no rush. I am getting the E levels built up, After having my baseline meds done, I have discovered that in fact that I have very low T levels , well below what a normal male has about the level of a female and I was lucky to have had quite a bit of breast growth from my first srious transition in the 80s. The IPL is working realy well. I am out and about again as a woman and have put together a great team to help me with my transition. I even recently discovered a fantastic woman that teaches burlesque dancing and also deportment. But unlike my last two transition attempts I am not rushing into it. I want to do as much as possible to ensure that I look as female as possible.
From my first period on HRT I already have A Cup breasts, but I am starting to see changes again already after only 8 weeks on HRT. Skin texture has changed and I am getting some fat re-distribution, slight but noticeable. No emotional changes as I have always (for the last 20 years) had the ability to cry on a whim.
Getting my Colour Analysis done was probably the most important thing so far (after the IPL) as it has helped me so much by making sure that I buy clothes that fit me well and highlight with my skin tones and also mean that I dont buy or use the wrong make up. It is the best investment in my view that someone can make
Do I still have doubts - Yes dont we all.
What about regrets. My biggest is I didnt have the strength and courage to go forward withmy very traditional family upbringing that held me back.
Hugs
