Best way I could think it of, and I've never once thought about doing it is.

I was a non-functioning male, to go back would mean giving up on everything I've built because I wouldn't be able to live or move on with life.
I might as well be a vegetable
Having said that, I have never had one thought of taking my own life

I'm still early in transitioning but I have to say there is no way I would go back to the way things were before. I'm out to my family, I'm on HRT, whats the point of going back to that misery!

No I would hate to be the person I was before.I would probably be dead if I hadn't transitioned not by suicide but by an accident.I was getting wrecked on lager,cider and weed then making chips.There were quite a few fires,I fell asleep in the bath many times and once knocked a portable CD player in the bath.

I've been in and out of women's clothing since I was 14. I briefly started self medicating when I was 16 and a bunch of factors stopped me. 13yrs latter and here I am on my transition journey. Even though I'm not even close to tackling the major hurdles there are times when I think about it. I think it's the fear of the un-known that either stops us or makes us want to turn back. At this point, I'll be 30 this summer, I just felt I needed to sh*t or get off the pot. I don't wanna be in my late 50's still trying to make up my mind. I've wasted enough time in this form for me there's no turning back.

it has crossed my mind and due to family and friends i can say once again i have tried to start this process. oddly enough though its not so easy to go in reverse?

I don't know if it counts as detransitioning per say, but when I was 15 I got pretty close to coming out. I dressed in only guy clothes, had my hair cut like a guy and acted like one, to the point where going out I passed 90% of the time (which I would go out with the sole purpose of passing and being recognized as male) and then I just hit a wall. It was too scary for me, so I went into denial and convinced myself there was no way I wanted to be a guy, in my head I told myself "You're just butch, get over this and act like a normal person"  so I started dressing more androgynously, with girl clothes, wore makeup on and off, generally still butch, but girlier than I was before. It wasn't that I transitioned where I was out as trans, but I made a leap in my own head of not acting like a girl anymore, and I couldn't ever go back to how I was before I made that leap. I don't think I could go back now that it's out in the open, but why would I want to 

Quote from: Darkflame on February 24, 2013, 08:18:35 PM
I don't know if it counts as detransitioning per say, but when I was 15 I got pretty close to coming out. I dressed in only guy clothes, had my hair cut like a guy and acted like one, to the point where going out I passed 90% of the time (which I would go out with the sole purpose of passing and being recognized as male) and then I just hit a wall. It was too scary for me, so I went into denial and convinced myself there was no way I wanted to be a guy, in my head I told myself "You're just butch, get over this and act like a normal person"  so I started dressing more androgynously, with girl clothes, wore makeup on and off, generally still butch, but girlier than I was before. It wasn't that I transitioned where I was out as trans, but I made a leap in my own head of not acting like a girl anymore, and I couldn't ever go back to how I was before I made that leap. I don't think I could go back now that it's out in the open, but why would I want to 

Kia Ora Darkflame,

I guess your past situation could be seen as de-transitioning... I hope you find your happy medium...

Metta Zenda

Every once in a while I'll think about de-transitioning...for about 0.003 microseconds. It just ain't gonna happen. I voted no (on HRT).

Living as a man = total misery

Living as a woman = a tiny bit of misery, often followed by great joy by just "being".

Quote from: Beth Andrea on February 24, 2013, 09:17:58 PM
Every once in a while I'll think about de-transitioning...for about 0.003 microseconds. It just ain't gonna happen. I voted no (on HRT).

Living as a man = total misery

Living as a woman = a tiny bit of misery, often followed by great joy by just "being".

Kia Ora beth,

I like that...

Metta Zenda

Let's see, they day I accepted my female identity and resolved never to bury her again, I would have died if I had chosen the other path. Instead I determined to do whatever it takes so that she could live. And all the cold icy walls in my heart started to melt away, one at a time. Within two months I had come out to everyone except at work, and dressed androgynously at work.

I transitioned as quickly as I could, but I had waited so long, and dug myself into such a pit of pain, that I almost died twice more before I started hormones 3 months later. If I hadn't been making progress on transition, I would have died both those times. As it was, I cut it way too close by waiting way too long.

I started seeing the shrink the same time I started the hormones, and within a few weeks I had accepted that my male self was me, wearing a mask, and that it was ok to put the mask away for good. I never put it on again. And I never wanted to die again. After struggling with suicidality for more than 30 years. Coincidence? Gender work was done, and since then, I've been dealing and overcoming everything else.

Two months later I "went full time" and never looked back.

All of my problems, intractible throughout my life, have gotten better (not perfect, but better) since then, because at last I have the tools to work on them. All of my relationships, even that with my wife (though the changes it began ended our marriage), have gotten better since then, because at last I can let them see and know me.

And I love life, and look forward, for the first time, for living as long as I possibly can, and celebrating this amazing gift I have been given. Complete strangers respond to the joy I radiate. My worst days are better than my best days used to be.

So, No. I have never considered pretending to be a man, and putting on a false gender mask, again. No one who knows me now, who knew me before, could ever imagine me going back to that either. It just doesn't fit. I have grown too much to ever fit in the mask again.

I voted other since I am post op and all my consideration was done when I was pre op or even pre transition.

I had thrown the idea around many a time, before having surgery, to fall back and live a female life simply so I could live my dream of joining the US military. I don't regret pursuing my transition instead though. I am happier than I've ever been and I don't think I'd be had I taken that path. I realize now that every time I saw myself in uniform I was seeing a man, but before that wasn't something I comprehended.

It's still a depressing thought to know that I'll probably never get to join though.

I'm mid-transition and stopped planning it ages ago. I take each day as it comes. When an opportunity to move forward presents itself I'll take it, otherwise I'm okay as I am.

I've thought about detransitioning a couple of times but in the cold light of day it always comes back to the following conclusions:

1. The anticipated ease, comfort and acceptance I would gain as a male is outweighed by the lies, the deceit, the self-deception, the pretending, the constant inner conflict and the knowledge that I spent years trying to succeed at being male but failed.

2. I am being myself, as Nature intended, and in being female I'm also being open and honest. If people don't like it, then that's not my problem.

3. Thoughts about detransitioning are really only an escape from not dealing adequately with a situation. It's bad enough sometimes seeing that what I see in a mirror, I don't need to make it any worse.

Yes I think of it. But I wont ever do it!

Because I always come to the same conclusion and that is that I would not make one day as a male without loosing all my will to live.



But life would be easier if I did detransition however.

"3. Thoughts about detransitioning are really only an escape from not dealing adequately with a situation."

Detransitioning seems strange to many, but we can never walk a mile in someones shoes. Detransitoners are still part of our transgender community, and they need, and deserve, all of our respect and support.

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on March 20, 2013, 12:27:21 PM
"3. Thoughts about detransitioning are really only an escape from not dealing adequately with a situation."

Detransitioning seems strange to many, but we can never walk a mile in someones shoes. Detransitoners are still part of our transgender community, and they need, and deserve, all of our respect and support.

Sorry, maybe it wasn't clear but I was making these points based on my own personal experience and my own perspective.

I can't speak or post for anyone else and wouldn't wish for my posts to be construed as such especially here with such a broad spectrum of people, each one making their own individual journeys.

Kia Ora,

Thank you all for the interesting responses...

Well as we all know there are a number of reasons as to why people de-transition, so..................

What do you think is the main/most common reason ?

for example :

1) Family, friend, community pressure to conform to the norm-[I know of a few where this has happened]

2) The inability to blend in [ https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,138313.80.html  ]


What steps do you think one could or should take to reduce the possible risks of having to de-transitioning ?


Metta Zenda

I kinda detransitioned once.  I was emotionally blackmailed into it by an ex.  Luckily it happened only several months into my journey.  Of course I eventually found my way back to me, THANK GOD!  At the time I was pressured to go back into boy-mode was a very depressing time.  I still have nightmares about it.

Quote from: MidnightKat on April 18, 2013, 07:11:50 PM
I kinda detransitioned once.  I was emotionally blackmailed into it by an ex.  Luckily it happened only several months into my journey.  Of course I eventually found my way back to me, THANK GOD!  At the time I was pressured to go back into boy-mode was a very depressing time.  I still have nightmares about it.

Sounds so familiar!

I haven't truly thought about de-transitioning in years.  After my srs I seriously thought about it, but I was going through a severe depression and had multiple complications with my surgery, not to mention I lost my job and realized all my friends saw me as the transsexual rather than a person.  For me, my issue was that my therapist and doctors all kept focusing on the surgery, rather than living life afterwards, I literally had no plans or goals other than moving out of state. But that was 5 years ago, its been more than 4 years since I actually gave it any thought and no way I would go back now.

I've thought about it, but that's it.

Part of me considered, what would happen if I just gave up? What would happen if I "sucked it up" and tried to live as a female? It would have been so much easier and cheaper. To just pretend and play along like everyone would have preferred me to. But would I ever be able to live a happy, fulfilling life like that?

And my answer...a resounding hell no! I couldn't live my life as a lie and feel happy that way. I would be miserable, I couldn't exist like that. I'd rather die. Transition was the only way for me; it was transition or die... One or the other, because I could never truly be myself while pretending to be female. I would be a liar and a fake if I did that. I would be ashamed of myself. And, more importantly, I would be uncomfortable with my own body for the rest of whatever terrible existence I had.