Quote from: The unknown on June 07, 2013, 07:31:32 PM
Sorry for the delay in response. I'm 22 years old with a career that deals with the public daily. I just feel that it's too late in the game for me to transition unless I was to move or something. Probably would still have issues with family tho

Late teens/early 20's is probably the average age of transguys who transition. I think a lot of us move from where we lived pre transition and especially so if it's a small town where everybody knows you (that was the case for me).

If you need to transition you'll know it. I know some here probably frown on my view about this but I see medical transition as a last resort. I always tell people if there is any possible way you can live comfortably and accept yourself as you are now then don't start medical transition.

Why? Well, why would someone complicate their lives and in most cases be willing to turn it upside down if they could find another way? I only speak for myself, but for me it was transition or die.

I'm not just saying this to you but I think a lot of young people see the more "glamorous" (for lack of a better word) side of transition. They look at these feminine looking kids who within a year or two are handsome men with facial hair and muscles. What most don't see is the depression, the tears, the family issues, the financial struggles, job issues, fear of going in public, etc that generally goes with early transition.

I know, I know...I am the wet blanket but I'm also a realist. Explore your feelings but never feel rushed into this because of some age you have set in your mind that is a deadline. If it's supposed to be, it'll be.

Quote from: The unknown on June 07, 2013, 07:31:32 PM
Sorry for the delay in response. I'm 22 years old with a career that deals with the public daily. I just feel that it's too late in the game for me to transition unless I was to move or something. Probably would still have issues with family tho

22 isn't old. If transition is what you really want, it's not too late at all, you have probably 75% of your life ahead of you. That's a substantial chunk that's worth living as happily as possible.

You have to decide what's more important to you. I couldn't live without transitioning. I put it off for a year, searching for other ways to deal but it wasn't possible for me. I realized it was worth any sacrifice I'd have to make. I'd be happier being alone forever, working a minimum wage job as a dude, than having a successful career and in a great relationship as a "woman". So personally that's what I had to do but not everyone is like that. Some find better ways to deal with dysphoria. Some value things like careers and relationships more than others. No one can make that choice for you. But if you're 100% with your feelings and the only thing holding you back is feeling it's too late... it's not.

Quote from: The unknown on June 07, 2013, 07:31:32 PM
Sorry for the delay in response. I'm 22 years old with a career that deals with the public daily. I just feel that it's too late in the game for me to transition unless I was to move or something. Probably would still have issues with family tho

I'm 41, well-established in my career and well-known within my industry. I'm also married and have two teenage children.

I'm transitioning now in front of all of those people because Gender Dysphoria doesn't simply evaporate if you ignore it; it gets worse with time. I should've transitioned at 19 when I first realised I was transsexual, but I went into denial for 21 years instead. And no, my GD didn't disappear like I hoped it would; it just got steadily worse over the years until I could no longer hide it.

So if it isn't too late for me (and the other people at Susan's who are transitioning later in life; some are even in their 70s), it's definitely not too late for you.

Pre-transition I hid a lot of who I was trying to conform to gender roles.  I was a tomboy and did a lot of atypical things for a girl, but I tried so hard to fit into that girl box that there were a whole lot of things I liked and wanted to try that I shied away from. And when I got married tried very hard to fit into that role and I did expect my husband to do a lot of the typical husband things.  And when he didn't/wouldn't do them I got totally frustrated and while yes I could do them myself, I was upset because he wasn't doing his job, and I didn't have time or energy to do my job plus his job (we had kids and a house etc).   So yeah, my family didn't think I was trans enough because I threw myself into stereotypical female things, trying very hard to be a good 'girl.'  In the end, I was miserable and felt like a total failure at life.  It just took me a while to figure out why.

And while I would definitely encourage people to think hard and think twice about transition, once you know it is right for you, don't let the naysayers into your head.  It's YOUR life.

Jay

^Ditto. Right down to getting married & having kids, partially as a way of trying to figure out how to be happy being a 'woman'.

I'm hugely worried that everyone would just assume I'm making up stories or looking for attention or anything else, whichever derogative way they want to go.

I like a lot of "non stereotypical" activities like baking and art and I absolutely hate sport and when you're already trying to pass, drawing attention to how you're "not male" stands out even more than usual.

I reckon if you identify as trans, then you're trans. If you identify with a gender, both genders, or no gender, then that's what you are. But it's not really a view most of society shares.

Quote from: girl you look fierce on June 08, 2013, 07:43:43 AM
on the rare occasion I see a femme, happy male not giving a sh** about what anyone thinks, wearing makeup, crazy wigs, whatever fashion he wants, anything, I feel like why couldn't I have just been that? What's the big deal? And I almost hate myself because it's like I transitioned just because it was easier.

I don't think I would ever detransition it just sucks feeling on a fence between two forms of dissatisfaction.

Such great honesty in your post. I think there are a lot more people that detransition or have doubts during/after transition than most are aware. I personally knew one guy and it's probably why I am as passionate about the subject as I am. I watched that kid lose everything when he wasn't accepted, he later detransitioned, and then it was like, he suffered for what?

I just wish people would stop worrying so much about what others think. Transition is personal and for nobody but yourself. Vanity is also a wrong reason, "I'm a ugly girl/guy but I might make a better looking guy/girl". No, more than likely if you're ugly now you're going to be ugly later and that's ok. It's ok to be ugly...I'm ugly and ok with it, lol.

This stuff is just disheartening to see happening. I think a lot of the time people who have doubts or detransition are labeled "Transtrenders" by transfolks when the fact is they are just people who were looking for a better life. It wasn't right for them.

Anyways, before I keep rambling, here is a video I came across that is of a guy who was on T for years and is now is lost emotionally because he didn't take the time to really think it through as you can see in the video.

The thing is, even if you think it over for years and find yourself finally ready, that still may not even be enough.

People change. You make the best decision for yourself in the moment. That's all you can do.

I've seen videos of guys who go through the same process as the person in the video Simon posted, go off hormones - and then change their minds all over again another year later and restart it.

We're not consistent creatures, and we can't even anticipate ourselves. It is rough.

I'm getting really sick of my mom trying to say that I'm not trans enough.

Girl you look fierce  -  that's interesting, yes I massively relate to the social dysphoria point you made and I was that person who walked around  make up,  girls clothes,  accessories,  but as a boy.  It's not the same it really isn't.  It kept me from doing more for longer than I should.  You should be grateful you didn't fall into that trap! :-)

I am constantly being called a ma'am at work by customers because of the silly feminine antics that I tend to have. My coworkers seem to think it's cute that I occasionally do thing's they would do (I'm the only guy working there) because I have an adaptive personality that picks up everything everyone does around me, lol.

So I get this everyday, just in a different context each time. XD

A friend of mine once was all 'Oh, well I'm trying to teach you to be more like a man!' and all that crap after a fight we had over something I can't remember. I laughed at him and smiled the 'This is how many craps I give!' smile, only with stronger words, lol.

I recently came out on Facebook too in a long winded note and this was one of the sections I brought up. I went off on how much I really didn't care how I acted and got a lot of interesting responses to it.

Quote from: aleon515 on June 08, 2013, 01:39:56 AM

You're not too old. We have a group for trans guys over 40 on FB. I'm doing update videos. If you're interested message me. Also there is a collab channel (which I'm on) for guys over 30 called "It's a Man's World FTM 1". You're too young for it   but the videos still apply as I think most of the topics aren't age related.

I'm not revealing my age because Devlyn might get ticked with me. Wouldn't want that.



--Jay

I want to change I absolutely hate the cards I have been dealt. It's so frustrating and not easily understandable as to why I am this way on the outside but feel the complete opposite on the inside. This is a small town where everybody knows everybody. just being openly gay is like worse than death around here so you can only imagine being FTM. I'm an outsider to the straight society and the gay community, trapped alone in the FTM world.

Quote from: The unknown on June 09, 2013, 09:55:31 AM
I want to change I absolutely hate the cards I have been dealt. It's so frustrating and not easily understandable as to why I am this way on the outside but feel the complete opposite on the inside. This is a small town where everybody knows everybody. just being openly gay is like worse than death around here so you can only imagine being FTM. I'm an outsider to the straight society and the gay community, trapped alone in the FTM world.

I'm sorry things are so difficult for you, but I want to remind you it isn't your age. I have heard people say that age makes it a bit *easier*. You have perspective that younger folks don't. So hang in there buddy.

--Jay

Quote from: aleon515 on June 09, 2013, 11:58:02 PM

I'm sorry things are so difficult for you, but I want to remind you it isn't your age. I have heard people say that age makes it a bit *easier*. You have perspective that younger folks don't. So hang in there buddy.

--Jay

Thank u. You have really helped alot. Guess I need to figure some things out n what steps to take

I think it might happen to a lot of people who are just coming out. Many people who you come out to have that initial knee jerk reaction. "What!? Nooooo... How is this possible? You're so ____." You know what I mean?

Quote from: Gene24 on June 11, 2013, 09:39:20 AM
I think it might happen to a lot of people who are just coming out. Many people who you come out to have that initial knee jerk reaction. "What!? Nooooo... How is this possible? You're so ____." You know what I mean?

Well I pass maybe 10% of the time. I don't get that reaction though. I think some people might unfortunately. There are people who just have always looked male and some of us do not.

--Jay

In a way I have been told. I can't say it's so much by society but to myself. I have a lot of inner turmoil that I'm constantly trying to overcome. The reason? I love my breasts but hate having a vagina. I've told myself over and over that being trans* is like being on a spectrum and for many, they don't completely hate the body they were born with. However, I'm quite harsh on myself. I feel like I'm trying to have my cake and eat it too.

In short, I want to look/be treated as a cis man without having to bring up my trans* status but at the same time, if I have any intentions of partially transitioning, I won't be able to be treated as cis. So I'm constantly telling myself I'm not trans* enough because I can't bring myself to be "completely" a man or a woman. I know, you guys will probably just tell me "it's ok, you can work through this" or "you don't have to choose" but it bothers me immensely.

TL;DR: I have not been told I'm not trans* enough by anyone except by myself.

No one has told me I'm not trans enough. I have had friends question my coming out because they're confused with the way I act, but I think they understand since I explained it was always about me trying to force myself into a role. I was self destructive for years because I was trying to be the woman I'm really not. They can see that now that I've come out and started working on my transition that I'm happier with myself and the world.

If someone who doesn't know me wanted to tell me I'm not trans enough I'd let it slide right off my back. In the past I've gotten butthurt when someone confronted me about how I'm not 'such and such a way' because I saw it as a failure on my part to conform to what I was trying to make myself into. Those exact thoughts didn't go through my head, but I did feel really terrible when my faults and shortcomings were pointed out. Now? I don't care. I'm still learning how to be the man I want to be and it might be awkward for someone in their late 20's to be as confused as a pre-teen boy but oh well. The end result is my happiness.

I get the "you dont look trans" alot.

I got that a lot, too, coming out to my friends at first. They were pretty shocked and a few were like... Are you sure?

The cool part is that when you "get there" and they see it, flipping their feelings around generates a great deal of gender euphoria.

So, my point is, there is always something to look forward to with those that may think you aren't "trans enough".