All right... so, I'm kind of tired of people telling me "you look great already" in my various venting posts. Yes, I agree with you, I do look fine in my avatar picture... which is one particular picture, from one particular angle, in very particular clothes, after several pictures where I was trying to find the right angle.
I'm way overdue to post some more-honest pictures, which will give everyone a much better idea of what I see in the mirror on a daily basis, and which are still sending me into depressive bouts where I feel like I'll never make it. And I still have my doubts about whether I'll make it or not.
First of all, here is the front view that you are all probably familiar with. And yes, I do like my front view. A lot. From this angle, you can see the femininity that is coming in, and it keeps getting better and better with every week.
Here is a 3/4 angle. Here is where it starts getting a little less flattering. You can really start to see the thickness of my head, the heaviness of my brow, my gigantic Italian nose, and my stupid receded hairline.
...and here is where it just all falls apart. My stupid, stupid, OMG I HATE IT side view. Don't even get me started. My hair looks awful, my brow is so damned heavy, my neck and shoulders and arms are just so damned thick and heavy that I doubt it's even possible that they'll ever slim down and look more feminine, my nose looks awful, and my head is such a weird shape. I know that from this view I do not look the least bit feminine whatsoever. And this is the view that, by far, stresses me out the most. There are just so many features that I'm seriously doubting HRT will ever be able to fix. Mainly, I'm just stressing out about the bulk of it all. It just looks so big and hefty, while on women these features are small and soft and slender. So seriously... is there any hope of my neck and shoulders and arms looking like a female neck, shoulders, and arms? I'm having a hard time seeing how it's possible.
And just as a bonus, here is another thing that stresses me out to no end. This is the back of my head... the reason why I have to wear a wig. And while I have regrown some hair thanks to Finasteride, Dutasteride, and Rogaine, I still just have so damned far to go that, again, I seriously wonder if it'll ever be possible for me to grow a feminine head of hair naturally. I'm so freaking jealous of everyone else's hair...
So, thoughts? Am I ever going to get there? It just feels like I'm stuck with all of these masculine features that will never go away. And this is 5 months into HRT, so I'm really starting to feel like the clock is ticking for these things to start changing if they ever are going to.
