Hi Codepink,
QuoteDoes anyone have any dating advice? I feel way too uncomfortable approaching men.
I'll try my best to give advice based on other info in your post.
QuoteI am gal and I was born that way but I've always felt boyish. I have very short hair and I would say that my fashion is a bit more boyish. I am NEVER mistaken for a man but people just assume that I am a lesbian.
For a long time, I've tried to deny how I felt inside. In the past couple of years I have cut out many bad influences and other who just didn't understand including a lot of family.
You know who you are, have your own expression, and feel comfortable with being yourself. Thats I think the
first step in any relationship: Knowing yourself: self-awareness, self-acceptance, self-confidence, and self-image. All these things you have.
QuoteI have surrounded myself with people that I feel comfortable with being myself.
Second I think is knowing the details in potential mates, Knowing who they are, could be, or will be. Know that you know who you are, what type of person are you attracted to? What type of personality is good with you, who fits with you, who can you enjoy everyday, who is attractive to you?
Third look at people that already know you first. Look at the people around you, see who is available, that might fit in with your personality type, that knows you for who you are.
Fourth, Or if there is no one, its time to meet new people that still fit into your compatible personality type. If this is the case, besides getting to know you, revealing who you are will be part of the getting to know each other, a
test of knowledge. So there is sorta a test of getting to know each other, from trivial at first, to deeply, if you find each other clicking (compatibility). Finding out if they are available, there must be a
test of availibility, unless you plan on taking the offense to "steal" a mate away from someone else. Besides the additional
test of compatibility, meeting new people will require a
test of acceptance (vs those that already know, are compatibile, and accept you) .
Fifth is to be or go to places where others, especially higher number of compatible/available candidates might be.
You have surrounded yourself with people that feel comfortable being yourself. I would start there. In this group of people, is there anyone that catches your interest?
QuoteDoes anyone have any dating advice? I feel way too uncomfortable approaching men.
If approaching and asking out on dates isnt your thing, try approaching and just talking. Get to know potential people, and share something about yourself. It can start out small, like bumping into each other. Or asking about something. Asking for help. Maybe ask one general question. Then you can try bumping in again, see if there is any response. Or casually invite to something like eat together, study together, work together, or just hang out together. You might find out if they are available, compatible, and accepting all within these few encounters. As well as get to know a little about them.
Try doing things, social gatherings, and community events that naturally draws together people that feel naturally compatible with you. And dont be afraid to ask for or give out phone numbers, or introducing yourself. Or just talking to each other.
If there is any spark, then you can naturally pour on the effort and do some common things together.
Like the song said "love is a battlefield".
KK
