So, I was walking through a little back-street market in Tel Aviv - y'know, the kind that sells peppers and $500 rugs - when I saw Satan basking under a gold-trimmed awning. Yes, Satan - horns, blackened skin, clouds of sulfurous vapors - the lot.
He sorta beckons me over, looks around conspiratorially, then whispers - in the deepest voice you've ever heard in your life - "Yo, man - wanna rent Hitler for a month?"
Nonplussed, I replied "Hitler?"
"Yep, Hitler. Great general, world leader, evil mofo - he can do your chores, make your bed, fetch groceries, take out those annoying neighbors..."
"Um.. That sounds great, I guess. How much?"
"Fifteen quid, twenty peso." Or your regional equivalent - I'm not up on pricing recently."
"Really? Why so cheap?"
"Can't say. But I will throw in Josef Stalin for free. Two-for-one deal. I insist."
I'm kinda suspicious at this point - it is Satan, after all. So I cross my arms, do my best to stare haughtily at him, and say with only a hint of tremor, "Ok. What's the catch?"
"Catch? Like, Halibut?"
"Catch. Like, what's the hidden downside? The trap? The small print?"
"Oh. Curse these modern colloquialisms..." He mumbles to himself for a couple minutes - something about "Back in my day", then recovers.
"No catch. No small print. No invisible ink." He hands me a contract. I look it over. On it is a single sentence: "I, the undersigned, do hereby consent to pay the sum of Fifteen Pounds, Twenty Pesos, and take possession of these two Evil Men for no less than the period of One Month, Unless they prove dissatisfactory, at which point they may be exchanged at any time. __________"
"This... Is too good to be true." I take out my pen and hurriedly sign my name to the bottom of the lease. Satan hands over a pair of leashes, and two familiar-looking men, backs scourged with the barbs of Hellish whips, materialize beside him.
"Thanks, dude!" I turn to go, marveling at my good fortune and the fact that I just thanked SATAN for something. But my curiosity gets the better of me and I turn back. "Satan, one question, if I may: Why?"
Satan smiles benignly at me. "Well, if you must know , for years now I've been hearing that people on the Surface World always choose the lessor of two evils.
And now," he grins evilly, "That's me!"
