Quote from: LordKAT on August 28, 2013, 09:09:15 AM
Correction, we know you are.   But also a challenge and so very beautiful.

Oh, I'm a challenge alright!

I truly enjoy being a challenge .

Quote from: FTMDiaries on August 28, 2013, 09:12:25 AM
I agree, and we who were forced to live as females against our will can and often do have negative impressions about being female for the same reason. But what Susan's gets right is that in most instances, we all tend to play nicely in spite of all this.

Oh and vice versa I get that. Also think that 95% of the time its not happening. I get surprised when it does though. Like when I've seen this kind of thing in the FTM section, I think *really* you're posting this here!?

I really wish we could just all do the "parts exchange". LOL. Would make our lives easier.


--Jay

I have some really amazing guy friends who have been there for me, through transition even, in ways most people haven't.  A good man is a great thing and the world needs more of them.

Also women are not incomprehensible lol.  Men are the ones that never tell you what they are feeling.  Well not never, but almost.  How is that supposed to be comprehensible?

Quote from: Jen on August 29, 2013, 12:31:00 PM
I have some really amazing guy friends who have been there for me, through transition even, in ways most people haven't.  A good man is a great thing and the world needs more of them.

Also women are not incomprehensible lol.  Men are the ones that never tell you what they are feeling.  Well not never, but almost.  How is that supposed to be comprehensible?

I think it's because men are only ever feeling two things: "Uhh, nothing" and "How beautiful you are."

(No offense, men! We love ya anyway!)

Quote from: ZoeM on August 29, 2013, 12:43:32 PM
I think it's because men are only ever feeling two things: "Uhh, nothing" and "How beautiful you are."

(No offense, men! We love ya anyway!)

That's what they say...   I am skeptical it's true

Quote from: Jen on August 29, 2013, 01:42:50 PM
That's what they say...   I am skeptical it's true

Actually, that is about right.   Nothing or beautiful ladies.

Quote from: -Emily- on August 29, 2013, 03:44:56 PM
But despite of not telling what they feel is usually all over the face. 

You forgot the third feeling - feeling hungry.

Ooh yea!! Guys are fairly easy to read. They only have expressions for happy, sad, annoyed and angry. Its like a PC chip. Women feel at 64 bit range and need a 6 core cpu to handle all the variations in feelings and expressions whereas the guys feel at 32 bit with a dual core cpu. I can read Caleb like an open book. I know when hes upset and he tells me otherwise.

Quote from: Oriah on August 18, 2013, 11:42:42 PM
While it is true that men can say crude and derogatory things about women behind their backs, a lot of times it's part of the male bravado....there's so much pressure on them to be a man's man when around other males, that many, and I mean quite a few here, end up saying things....lewd and crass things....that they don't mean.  Often times, it's a bonding thing....a peer pressure thing....men who are gentle monogamous lovers will talk to their friends like they are kinky womanizers that like it rough and hard.....and they do it to fit in with other men....to appear more masculine...to be accepted by other males.  Again, it's a cover for insecurity.....

a lot of men will say something like "God I wanna F*** the S*** out of her" to score "man points" when in their mind they're thinking something much more tame, such as...."wow she's beautiful....I'd love to take a girl like her out, if only they'd give me a chance."

I'm not saying it's a positive thing, or something that should be condoned.....but it's something that should be understood....because, trust me, it DOES happen....a lot.

That's a great post, couldn't put it better myself, yes I understand perfectly.
I see it in my husband all the time, all macho and manly with his football friends, but is a perfect gentleman when alone with me, he'd never give me flowers in the company of his pals, its a ''man thing'' but does spoil me the way a girl should be spoiled, he is very understanding of my history, fully and completely excepts me as a woman.
Boys will be boys, women just have to except that.

Quote from: Keaira on August 29, 2013, 04:22:17 PM
Ooh yea!! Guys are fairly easy to read. They only have expressions for happy, sad, annoyed and angry. Its like a PC chip. Women feel at 64 bit range and need a 6 core cpu to handle all the variations in feelings and expressions whereas the guys feel at 32 bit with a dual core cpu. I can read Caleb like an open book. I know when hes upset and he tells me otherwise.

That is exactly the problem!  You can tell what they are feeling but they won't say why.  Usually if you press they will just say nothing is wrong, when obviously something is.  And I don't mean that like it makes men bad or anything like that, just that it makes them hard to understand sometimes!

I've had women say something was bothering me and whats wrong when I was just thinking through my day. Sometimes it really is nothing.

That's all the difficulty of it. When is he showing a worse face than expected for something normal, and when is he showing a better face for something bad? Hard to tell sometimes, hmm.

I think men are awesome! Little boys and girls need good, paternal, male role models to emulate.

Men just naturally have that strength, endurance, courage, and bravado to perform their tasks in life. And I suppose that I am attracted to their hormones, lol. They're deliciously attractive, lol!

And when it comes to relationships, there really isn't anything to replace when a man acts around their beloved women. There is nothing that melts me more than in the embrace of a man, with his arms around my waist! n___n;

I am very appreciative of my brothers, who are my mother's mainstay, and my father for his kindness, and tolerance. I think things wouldn't be the same without all the good men in the world.

Awwe, Thanks.

Quote from: TheLance on August 27, 2013, 08:07:26 PM
I try my best to be the opposite of every bad experience a woman has had with a man. He was rough? I'll be gentle. He was angry? I'll be calm. He was abusive? I'll be every kind of loving that I can be. I have a natural urge to protect women. Comes with some things I saw as a child as well. I just hope that those that were abused understand that not all of us are bad. Crude...well maybe sometimes but definitely respectful and considerate. I definitely have flaws, but so does every other human being. And we do say certain things around other dudes to eh...show off. Heh. But were not bad cause of that. Actually I was on the bus, before I got my car, and this young woman asked if she could use my phone. I let her, of course. I couldn't help but overhear her conversation. She was talking to someone about meeting them at the bus stop and some chick had been saying how she was a bad mom and a bad person. And what killed me is she started to say that it was true, that she was s***. After she gave me back my phone I just kept thinking, what kind of person got her this low? As I went to get off the bus, I realized she was crying. I stopped and kneeled, putting my hand on her shoulder, and I said 'look, I know I don't know you, but you are not worthless, and you are definitely not s***. Ok?'. She nodded and I got off the bus. I swear I'm not bragging, I'm telling yall a personal experience so next time you see some guy that is every bad thing a man could be, keep in mind there are some good ones too.

Lance is awesome :-)

I don't dislike men as a whole. I have several that I greatly trust and am close friends with.

However ... my personal experiences with them, especially behind closed doors has always made me uncomfortable around most of them until I get to know one better. I heavily dislike the machoistic sexist culture that is common among men, especially when they think women aren't around, and sometimes even when we are.

Maybe this is simply because I'm a trans woman. I've always felt and thought like a woman. So maybe it's only natural that I would feel uncomfortable in an environment that is supposed to be predominantly men oriented, and thus find such behavior distasteful, and that the experience has clouded my judgment when it comes to first impressions of men. It takes me quite a while to warm up to men at all, and the more of that side of them that I see, the longer it takes me to do so, if at all.

I haven't written them all off. But I am more cautious around them, especially if I don't know them. I think that at least some of them really do buy into the macho bull and revel in it. And the way such men talk about women just ... it makes me keep my distance even when presenting as male myself.

I should also add that, and I admit this is maybe a bit of a double standard, I don't have the same emotional response (and that's what it is, by the way, an emotional, involuntary uncomfortable feeling around men I don't know and trust) with trans men. Please don't misunderstand. I regard them as men. REAL men. But, I admit I would feel safer around one than a cis man I don't know. I haven't witnessed one doing the whole "I'm super macho, and women are good for one thing only" thing. I know this is probably naïve on my part, as I'm sure some probably do this.

I suspect this feeling may even increase once I finally go full time.

So now that I've said all that ... any advice for how to not feel this way about men and give them their fair chance? This is something that's always bothered me.

I've been wanting to make a contribution here for quite some time but never quite got around to it...

I have spent all of my adult life in France starting with 5 years in an elite paratroop regiment in the French army, even seeing some combat in the depths of Africa way back in 1978....It was at a period in my life when I just couldn't cope with who I was and was very much running away from myself.

I hated the military ethos and the horribly macho group behaviours that go along with it. Because of this I was always an outsider but, based on what has been one of the guiding principles of my life,  "always try to make the best of whatever situation you find yourself in, no matter how bad it is,  as by doing this you will always get something positive out of it" , I did exactly that. So, in spite of the fact that I refused to take on any significant rank for example, I got to do lots of pretty interesting stuff (rock climbing, survival in artic, desert and jungle conditions, special forces type training...) and also made one lifelong friend, my last company commander.

Interestingly, since I came out to him last year, he has been among my strongest supporters, to such an extent that I'm beginning to suspect he likes me better as a woman than as a man...   In many ways he is a real macho guy and at times I have some difficulty with this but, in many ways he is also remarkably sensitive as are all of my close male friends, six people in total. All six of them recently provided me with testimonial letters supporting my Civil Identity Change filing and three of these letters were so beautifully written that they actually brought tears to my eyes.

They are all also people with whom I have had many empassioned debates, lots of fun on evenings and holidays spent togehter and to whom I have definitely gotten closer since coming out. Just thinking about it as I write, I guess that I was far more anti male before accepting who I was and that this was no doubt down to my own inner conflict, having to act as a male in spite of all I felt inside.

Since accepting myself and starting my transition, while I am still not at all attracted phsically to guys, I have been able to develop levels of intimacy which make me feel far more comfortable with males in general. This is even true with my male colleagues at work.

End of the day, I will always spontaneously prefer the company of women but I have really no problems with males in general and have nothing but the deepest affection and respect for friends who have stood by me through thick and thin during my often troubled existance in this country.

Here's to guys and maybe just good people no matter what their gender !
Donna

Quote from: Akira21 ♡♡♡ on August 30, 2013, 09:34:28 AM
Lance is awesome :-)

Thank you much Akira 

Whether thay are male or female, you'll always find a-holes who give you a rough time. As a guy, I really really did not fit in. I tried. But I was always seen as odd, gay or both. I was never told I was good-looking and if I liked a girl I kept it to myself because I always felt that they were out of my league or that it was wrong because I knew I should be a woman too and I would just be rejected anyway.
then when I transitioned, I seemed to just let go and live my life regardless of the consequences.  I was free! And now, online anyway, I get complemented and hit on by guys. And it just feels so surreal to me. Its like starring in an episode of Quantum Leap. At least with the guys here I can go through their old posts and get the measure of that man. To see what kind of man he is and where he came from to be the kind of guy he is today.
Out in the world, theres a lot of nice guys. And some who act like Billy Badass, but the beauty of being a woman is that we talk. We gossip. We can get the inside scoop on what a guy is really like before we even talk to him.
And if you treat women badly, they can destroy you through networking and social media. :p

Quotebut the beauty of being a woman is that we talk. We gossip. We can get the inside scoop on what a guy is really like before we even talk to him.
And if you treat women badly, they can destroy you through networking and social media. :p

Yup, women gossip. So do men.  I never understood women's gossip, especially in high school. They would be going on about who wore what bra last week Tuesday. I just don't care.