well, i haven't seen anything so far since it's all bandaged up. I know it's different there now, and it feels a bit different, but not completely, as my brain took some time to comprehend that things down there are rearranged. and well, i have a catheter coming out of the bandages so essentially i still sorta have a penis. It's just plastic and really long and goes into a bag

. tomorrow the bandages come off so i imagine that's when it becomes real to me. I imagine even then it'll be kind of a whirlwind of thoughts, emotions, things to do, etc. and only when i get home and look at the mirror in my own room that i've looked at every day i'll really truly understand that it is real.
As for first thoughts in general when waking up...i don't quite remember waking up. My parents say i was awake when they brought me to my room, but i don't remember. The first thing i remember after the surgery is giving my father tech support on how to get online on his laptop in the hospital

. It isn't really something you should do right after a surgery, but he wanted to tell the rest of the family everything went well. Oh well, it's what i always have to do and i think it helped me get bright and awake early on which improved my mood over the first days.