Hi , does anyone else utterly hate being male , but not the urge or inclination to go down the gender reassignment route .

Sounds like one very mixed emotion you have there sweetie!

I hated being male for years, gradually worked out that I was indeed in need of my transition.

Not everyone is the same though....

I can relate. Hating being something and actually not feeling like you are something are totally separate things that just sometimes go together.  I think it's perfectly normal to hate being restricted to the social norms of your gender without actually feeling like you shouldn't be that gender.  Just like you can hate being whatever race you are.  It doesn't mean you should try to change your race.  It's more about accepting that its okay to be yourself even if it seems like nobody else will accept it.  Something very difficult to do but if you can manage to do it, you will most likely be happier.

I did not hate being a man because I wasn't. I am a woman trapped in a male exterior that I hated. I never thought of myself as a man, ever. I assimilated into society for a time in that role, but you have to be who you are. You're mind just will not let it go and it can drive you nuts if you try to silence it. Since coming out ( I use the word notifying myself) I have become more relaxed and a MUCH better person to be around. As for hate, it has no place in my vocabulary anymore. I consider myself a loving, caring woman now. I will never go back to being a creature of hate and venom. It is no way to live.

Quote from: Melanie_uk on October 05, 2013, 05:41:50 AM
Hi , does anyone else utterly hate being male , but not the urge or inclination to go down the gender reassignment route .

I hate having gone through male puberty, that's as far as I can go as far as "being a man" goes.
Why do you hate being a man?

What do you hate about being a man?

Sometimes.

Beyond the internal conflicts I feel this makes me hate being a man... http://judgybitch.files.wordpress.com/2013/10/feeemaleprivilege-2.jpg

It just sucks...

I wasn't going to go into it, but female privilege was the reason I said "sometimes". Aside from occasionally thinking it might be pretty cool to have a vagina, I'm not trans and I don't have dysphoria. I just am occasionally frequently jealous of women and have been ever since I was a kid. I witnessed my sister getting pampered and seeming to get more affection and concern for her well-being as a kid and I've always been aware of women having it easier, having lower expectations from society.

Whether you see male privilege or female privilege as preferable seems so dependent on your personal point of view and your own preferences. I would trade my male privilege for female privilege personally but that's just me and it suits my particular personal needs and desires. I don't think I'd personally feel much desire to go prove my value to the world if it weren't pressure by society on males. I'd trade some of that potential to earn respect for some unconditional love and concern for my well-being. I think the most vocal feminists are probably that way because male privilege suits them more and they see this huge imbalance from that particular POV.

It's like if some authority came to my house and announced that I would from now on be receiving two season passes to my favorite football team for life including two tickets to the Superbowl every year. However, I am required to stay after every game and pick up trash for 30 minutes whether I want the tickets or not. That's privilege coupled with a responsibility. A lot of guys would jizz themselves and be thrilled to accept both of those but for me that would SUCK. I don't give a flying fart about football. And if that were a standard thing for guys, most women probably wouldn't care. They wouldn't want the benefit enough to accept the responsibility that came with it. But some women who are big football fans would be outraged, and rightly so.

Of course, I'd rather gender not matter at all. That's my real preference. I'd like to see men treated with more sensitivity and concern and have inherent value simply for being living human beings and I'd like to see expectations and the accompanying respect raised for women.

I couldn't agree more with you dalebert!

Not I.

Quote from: dalebert on October 18, 2013, 11:02:02 AM
I wasn't going to go into it, but female privilege was the reason I said "sometimes". Aside from occasionally thinking it might be pretty cool to have a vagina, I'm not trans and I don't have dysphoria. I just am occasionally frequently jealous of women and have been ever since I was a kid. I witnessed my sister getting pampered and seeming to get more affection and concern for her well-being as a kid and I've always been aware of women having it easier, having lower expectations from society.

Whether you see male privilege or female privilege as preferable seems so dependent on your personal point of view and your own preferences. I would trade my male privilege for female privilege personally but that's just me and it suits my particular personal needs and desires. I don't think I'd personally feel much desire to go prove my value to the world if it weren't pressure by society on males. I'd trade some of that potential to earn respect for some unconditional love and concern for my well-being. I think the most vocal feminists are probably that way because male privilege suits them more and they see this huge imbalance from that particular POV.

It's like if some authority came to my house and announced that I would from now on be receiving two season passes to my favorite football team for life including two tickets to the Superbowl every year. However, I am required to stay after every game and pick up trash for 30 minutes whether I want the tickets or not. That's privilege coupled with a responsibility. A lot of guys would jizz themselves and be thrilled to accept both of those but for me that would SUCK. I don't give a flying fart about football. And if that were a standard thing for guys, most women probably wouldn't care. They wouldn't want the benefit enough to accept the responsibility that came with it. But some women who are big football fans would be outraged, and rightly so.

Of course, I'd rather gender not matter at all. That's my real preference. I'd like to see men treated with more sensitivity and concern and have inherent value simply for being living human beings and I'd like to see expectations and the accompanying respect raised for women.

Wow you are cool as f. Thanks for sharing that

Excellently and concisely put Dalebert!

I agree that's it very much based on personal preferences as to whether a person feels dis-enfranchised or under-privileged due to their gender. Each gender carries its own responsibilities and perks. Currently society decides which you receive based on your biological sex, but it would be wonderful if you yourself could also have a profound say on your preferred gender based on what going to help you thrive and become as productive & positive as a human as possible.

For myself, I'd definitely prefer to be female as the way I want to dress and act, to feel and the jobs I want to do are far more expected and suited to females than to males, both socially and also biologically. Once again, this of course depends on one's view as to what's expected of genders.

Personally, I'm irked about my body. As I'm petite (size UK 6-8) in women's clothes, I look terrible in male-cut clothes, but quite nice in ladies' clothes. However my cunky veins and hairy skin kind of ruin that, so I'm forever looking awkward and ugly in whatever I wear. 

I was never really exactly a man, as the hormones have proven.  Last year I was losing my mind and had to give up on being forced to perform the role of whom I thought I was expected to be.  I really couldn't take another day of pretending to be a guy at all after 6 weeks HRT, so I just quit altogether.  Screw the consequences!

I didn't want to be a man, I wanted to be me. 

It's truly interesting how different everyone's perceptions are.

I looked at that female privilege list and had honestly never even considered any of them. I thought it was a parody, initially.
I've never had any shining experiences due to being female.

In fact, I've found that...

- It's assumed you're stupid until you repeatedly prove otherwise
- You're looked down upon as weaker and less capable
- You're constantly viewed as a victim (I don't consider this a perk by any means)
- Unwavering feelings of vulnerability
- Saying 'no' means you're a b**ch
- Being 'assertive' means you're being a b**ch
- Far more often the victims of domestic violence
- Commonly low self-esteem brought upon by the push to be skinny/gorgeous/big-racked
- Less money earned than similar male counterparts
- Being even slightly overweight is far more scrutinized
- Firmly speaking your mind must mean you're 'ragging' and just laden with hormones
- Painfully bleeding like a gouged aorta every month
- Assumed to love children and seen as a b**ch if otherwise
- "The sisterhood" (I laughed when I saw this one) because women tend to be incredibly gossipy,
backstabby and downright cruel to one another, ESPECIALLY mentally


I could prattle on, but you get the general idea.
It's like the guy said before, though: "Whether you see male privilege or female privilege as preferable seems so dependent on your personal point of view and your own preferences."
I suppose I just don't see the benefits to being female. I'm not trying to dog on anyone, mind you; to each their own.
Maybe I've just had a crappy woman experience. I want my money back.

Quote from: Blinded Wolf on October 30, 2013, 12:19:17 AM
It's truly interesting how different everyone's perceptions are.

I looked at that female privilege list and had honestly never even considered any of them. I thought it was a parody, initially.
I've never had any shining experiences due to being female.

In fact, I've found that...

- It's assumed you're stupid until you repeatedly prove otherwise
- You're looked down upon as weaker and less capable
- You're constantly viewed as a victim (I don't consider this a perk by any means)
- Unwavering feelings of vulnerability
- Saying 'no' means you're a b**ch
- Being 'assertive' means you're being a b**ch
- Far more often the victims of domestic violence
- Commonly low self-esteem brought upon by the push to be skinny/gorgeous/big-racked
- Less money earned than similar male counterparts
- Being even slightly overweight is far more scrutinized
- Firmly speaking your mind must mean you're 'ragging' and just laden with hormones
- Painfully bleeding like a gouged aorta every month
- Assumed to love children and seen as a b**ch if otherwise
- "The sisterhood" (I laughed when I saw this one) because women tend to be incredibly gossipy,
backstabby and downright cruel to one another, ESPECIALLY mentally


I could prattle on, but you get the general idea.
It's like the guy said before, though: "Whether you see male privilege or female privilege as preferable seems so dependent on your personal point of view and your own preferences."
I suppose I just don't see the benefits to being female. I'm not trying to dog on anyone, mind you; to each their own.
Maybe I've just had a crappy woman experience. I want my money back.

Bring it on!  Sign me up.  Sure beats suicide on the installment plan in my case.

Quote from: Blinded Wolf on October 30, 2013, 12:19:17 AM
It's truly interesting how different everyone's perceptions are.
Maybe I've just had a crappy woman experience. I want my money back.

I had to laugh when I saw your post. 

I've been a female for over 40 years, and before that a very feminine boy (not quite - but some will get the message)

Women are extremely competitive.  We are wired to see another and immediately assess whether we are superior or inferior, whether the opposition is competition (or not)

We like to judge other women for what they are wearing.

Men aren't seen the same way.

Personally, I like a tall man who has no sexual proclivities.

I have a sex-change friend whose husband is inclined to sit in front of a computer watching gay-porn for hours, in a frilly negligee.  He works as a panel-beater and I'm told he would die if his family ever found out.

He also wears panties under his jeans.

Yeah, each to their own I suppose!

Quote from: Jill F on October 30, 2013, 01:12:51 AM
Bring it on!  Sign me up.  Sure beats suicide on the installment plan in my case.

I do completely get what you're saying and I realize my above post comes off as a little more than bitter and jaded, but I didn't mean it to be.
I guess my feelings in general with gender dysphoria have led me to feel incredibly more negatively about the female experience than is typical. I can also concede that there are some items on that list which, while still true enough in certain circumstances, may simply be more exacerbated to me.

I do apologize if I indirectly offended anyone with my harsh summary, but I'm finding that this forum is an excellent place to vent things I've been cramming inside for years.

Quote from: Blinded Wolf on October 30, 2013, 01:29:30 AM

I do completely get what you're saying and I realize my above post comes off as a little more than bitter and jaded, but I didn't mean it to be.
I guess my feelings in general with gender dysphoria have led me to feel incredibly more negatively about the female experience than is typical. I can also concede that there are some items on that list which, while still true enough in certain circumstances, may simply be more exacerbated to me.

I do apologize if I indirectly offended anyone with my harsh summary, but I'm finding that this forum is an excellent place to vent things I've been cramming inside for years.

I could easliy refute everything you said, make another list of why it's so awesome to be a girl, then do the same trashing on the male experience.

Beholder... eye... dude...

What can I say?  I'm no dude and happy to be free of all things dudely.  My cisbros and transbros are still my bros though.

Quote from: Blinded Wolf on October 30, 2013, 12:19:17 AM
- Far more often the victims of domestic violence

I'm not sure where this perception comes from but I have my theories. Statistically, domestic violence is not gendered. And I suspect male victims under-report because guys are expected to suck it up so to speak and endure it. The expression "never hit a woman" seems to have had a powerful effect on our culture since women are far less likely statistically to be the victims of any violent crime. That includes rape, by the way, assuming you don't use the CDC's definition of rape (you can't be raped unless you've been forcefully penetrated. Forced sex is not defined as rape somehow. With a more broadly accepted notion, the statistics for rape become close to equal, even per the CDC's records.) I think the reason people generally have a perception of violence against women being a particular problem, even though they're victims of violence dramatically less often then men is because society simply cares more when they've been victimized. We've been conditioned to.

Quote- Less money earned than similar male counterparts

This is a highly disputed point.





And there have been such successful feminist programs and focus on women that women are now much more likely to graduate high school, much more likely to enter college, and much more likely to graduate college. About 6 women now graduate college for every 4 men.

There appear to be a lot of perceptions about gender that just aren't accurate. I don't think people are lying. I think there's just a certain narrative that has developed over time and people just honestly feel things to be a certain way, but it's misleading compared to the reality in many cases.