Yeah, I read the entire post before I posted. -_- I simply chose not to comment about the rest of it at that time because I wanted to voice my feelings and gut reaction first. If you truly weren't going to welcome negative opinions then why say you were? Sarah is right, a lot of us have good reason to be wary. So attacking us for that may not be the best way to make friends here.

I would like to know what you expect out of our posts. How can we help you discover and define your sexuality? What is it you want to learn about us? And for my own curiosity, what is it about our pain that you feel relates to your own? You also say that your attraction goes beyond the physical. You see the pain in their faces, and are drawn intuitively. Do you feel this could apply to other (non-trans) abuse victims? To anyone else who has felt and dealt with this kind of pain? Also, do you separate your arousal, and your non-sexual attraction to/identification with transsexuals?

Cal (if I may be so bold):

I was moved by your posts.  You are one of the few allies that have come here.  We have cis people here to be sure, but most of them are the spouse or partner of trans person.  And are looking to understand or support their partner.

I say that we as a community are a broken people.  Few of us have only our trans issues that plague us.  We have been humiliated, emotionally and physically abused and suffer depression, substance abuse and suicide.  We have lost our brothers and sisters here.  We try to be strong for each other here, because few understand the darkness we face.

Except you.  You understand.

I am so sorry for the hurt and anguish you received.  It is hard for us to learn that the pain we feel wasn't our fault.  I hope that you can soon put your demons to rest too.

I appreciate your comment about our courage.  But to many of us, it was about as courageous as running out of a burning building.  To stay as we were meant death.  To change meant life.  It really was that simple.

We are sometimes defensive in our responses because there have been a few trolls through here or thought that this was a dating site.  Aunt Cindy has the front door.  Susan has the Louisville slugger.

At my age, I feel flattered when I can receive a compliment like yours.  I will take it with the grace and innocence in which it was meant.

You are most welcome here.  Please feel free to post at any time.  Yes, we go through an incredible transformation.  And yes, there is a fair amount of pain involved, both physical and psychological.  If you are curious about what we go through, I'm sure you'll find a wealth of first hand experiences in the various posts.  Also our wiki is quite complete in the clinical steps we have to go through as well.  We often take the symbolism of the butterfly as our own because of the similarities to that beautiful creature and the lowly roots it came from.

If you have a question, feel free to ask.  We can be a chatty bunch.

-Sandy

A lot of these responses give a guilty until proven innocent vibe...not very welcoming.  I'm pretty embarrassed by it.  Maybe I'm not reading something that other people are in this guy...

Quote from: CaliforniaAdmirer on November 21, 2013, 08:15:29 PM
... I was trying to be sensitive to you and your culture...

I don't think you've said anything offensive to our culture at all.  On the contrary, I found your OP quite charming.  You did foray into a risky area talking about porn and masturbation.  I think most of us are fine with this but posting about those things practically anywhere is likely to make a few people uncomfortable.  My point is that I think you're fine and have made a good first impression but I'm not surprised that some people are wary.  Please don't let it bother you or lose sight of the fact that we are all individuals and have independent opinions.  No one here speaks for the entire community.

QuoteFurthermore, I am a hopeless romantic who doesn't believe chivalry is dead. I enjoy opening the door for her, holding her chair and helping her put on her coat. Pampering her and surprising her with little gifts is something that I enjoy very much. I adore whispering in her ear how beautiful she is while we slowly dance to our favorite song. I have a passion for long sessions of foreplay before sex to reward her for all her effort.

There are several things wrong with the presentation of the OP, imho...but this is really insightful:
CA starts the paragraph with "chivalry is not dead", and ends it with "...foreplay before sex to reward her for all her effort."

Chivalry? And then sex "as a reward"?

Sorry, I'm not buying into it. I don't need, or want, to be "rewarded" for any of my efforts, other than to "pass" on sight and sound.

Imho

The second time I went out in public dressed as a woman; I had been on HRT for over six months and had just hit 40D.  I went into a bar that was supposed to be trans friendly and had a woman playing the piano and singing.  The bruises on my arm attested to how friendly some of the men were.  I was an obvious mark, I was unsure and a little intimidated.  But gripping so hard that a person gets bruised? I learned.

Yet, I know that for some odd biological reason, some men are attracted to us and I know that not all of them are bad. I have no problem with them reading.  I would encourage all of them to read so that they would know us not as objects but as women who are as diverse of a group as are cis-women.  An occasional question or two isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Cal was very open and honest of himself, his desires and his questions.  I may not like them but I can at least respect the character behind the questions. I therefore extend some courtesy.

The wary Jen

Everyone calm down please.

If you have a problem report it. I will not tolerate divisive argument.

Cindy

I'm locking this topic for now.

Just a note here:

Everyone no matter their gender status or orientation is welcome here unless and until they prove otherwise. No one will ever be asked to leave based on gender or orientation status (or anything else). I think the OP articulated their situation and feelings well. At the same time, I fully understand the wariness of some of our members.

I think Valerie put it very well:

Quote from: Valerie on November 22, 2013, 06:29:59 AM

But here's my take:  while Susan & her staff have worked VERY hard to make the site as inclusive & embracing as possible, my mentality is that first & foremost this site exists as a safe place for trans* people primarily & their significant others.  So ya' know, if I'm offended by something someone here says, I couldn't care less....because *it's not about me.*   You & I have the world, both real & online to wander & visit....but it's just not that simple for trans* people.   

This site is first and foremost a safe haven for transgendered people. But everyone is welcome as long as they behave themselves. That said, we need to make sure we are patient with new allies and those new to trans issues. If we bite the heads of the uninitiated and willing to learn, we can never hope for understanding.