I thought I'd come back and add onto the topic. And for anyone who's had similar thoughts or experiences I'd love to hear them.
As I stated in the thread post I took the fact that I had minimal male features into account. Before I even know what being trans was I got the courage at age 15 to step out of my house as a girl. I didn't go far just for a walk around the corner from my house. I was testing the waters. After things went ok I said let's turn it up. I ended up going to two dates with 2 boys from my school. I told both of them I had a twin sister and set them up on dates with myself. The fact that they liked the idea of being with a girl who looked like me was the first breakthrough that I could have a chance at passing. (These are both funny stories with even funnier details I'd love to share at another time lol)
To me in my young age it never crossed my mind that they'ed think it was me, my plain ole boy self in a wig and girls clothes, I just knew I'd not only pass as my "Twin sister" but also as a girl. Things went great. I was in public at the movies with a boy and no one was the wiser. The joy and confidence I had from passing in public was a feeling I'll never forget. This was a defining moment that always made me feel that one day living as a woman was actually possible. If I thought for a second that I wouldn't pass pre hrt & surgery I most likely wouldn't have started transitioning. When I read heartbreaking stories of girls who have de-transitioned from being unable to pass my heart goes out to them. I think it's easier stepping out on faith when you at least have tried true results that things will work out favorably if you decided to move forward.
I always tell my former supervisor, who's a trans man, it's easier to make something soft hard, than making something hard soft. I told him it was way easier for him. Because when people see him with his beard & hairy forearms it's automatically assumed he's a man and it's never questioned. But for a MTF's it's not that simple.
As I grew older I became aware that there were different degrees of passing. Passing all the time, most of the time, some of the time, and none of the time. I saw how girls were treated who didn't pass and this scared me. I thought how can you live your life happily as a woman when everywhere you go people are staring, making rude comments, laughing, or worse? Which is where the "Is it worth it comes in". I know some successful trans woman who are doctors, nurses, hair stylists, make-up artists, party promoters, etc. All of them have one thing in common, They're all passable. I thought to myself last night after posting this topic. Would these women still be as successful and happy if they weren't passable?? I honestly can't say if they would. I feel that in order to move through life smoothly as a trans woman passing is very important. Not only to yourself but to society as well. Beauty doesn't matter because I've seen happy successful trans woman who aren't typically attractive but they pass very well. Aging doesn't matter either because that's inevitable. I think it's more about growing older gracefully. Being healthy, secure, and content with the decisions you've made with the time you've been given.
