Am I the only one? I am only semi-passable. I get clocked 50/50. And their stares are really annoying and worse when they start bullying calling bullcraps as: 'This is man, what is this, what is this thing, what's this creature, yuck' etc... I get seriously fed up and I never go out on the streets anymore, just forcibly to go to grocery to buy food and to pay my bills. I wanna go and live life, I wanna go to parks, cinema, shopping malls, hang out with friends(even my friends are embarassed to walk with me cos I attract to many stares), nightclubs. I can't do any of those cos all people always spoil my mood with their effing stares and never-ending insults. I don't feel like living until I get FULL FFS & SRS. For now I'm just like a pupa in its cocoon waiting impatiently to be a butterfly one day. And concerning work, I work at home. I'm scared I fail to never have FFS & SRS, my entire life will be ruined and all this transition wouldn't make sense by the end and worse I can't even backtrack, I've reached too far to and middle way now. How many of you don't go out just cos you're unpassable and how to you deal with this sh*t.

Everyday really , I normally look like a really feminine guy , and tie hair and wear a hat or a hoodie. I'm waiting on money for ffs, or hormones to work a bit better. That's not to say I am afraid of being who I am and bla bla bla, because I walked down a main street in a capital city in a dress with no makeup in busiest hour and just didn't give a ->-bleeped-<- what people thought. Walked with held high and just brushed it off. I saw all the stares ,had people laughing , had people not sure on how to react to me , I didn't really care to be honest. I personally though have always been really sensitive so that would get to me everyday, I'm also very introverted so I kinda hate when the spotlight is on me. . Hence why I'm waiting which really doesn't bother me , cause my entire family/friends know anyway , and I don't feel like I'm physically female for the world to see what I see. I don't know people are so visual and only take in what they can see. People always assume I'm 16 or something and don't bother me at all.

also not getting invited out because i'm trans , made me realize who my friends truely are, my dad/brothers don't care being seen with me so why should 2 cisgender girls be embarassed? sigh. One day old friend put on facebook anyone want to come out , and I replied , even my sister said that I would come. She totally brushed it off, i got ready , got in a white shirt , tied hair , put on jeans , i was trying to look as masculine as possible. Only to ring her up at the time and ask her where she was and she was like "oh sorry I didn't think you were comming" such a load of crap. I cried to sister saying ,"i think she thinks i was going to cross dress or something" my sister just said she's not a real friend.

Pretty much, but for slightly different reasons. Over the  past thirty years I've dipped my toe into the waters and been a variety of places. I tend to wait about a year until I've got over the last time I went out. Then I'll go out a few times and generally things are fine, I don't get looks and I think everything is going fine, but then I'll get one stare/comment and I come crashing back to earth. As long as I don't interact with people I can live in my deluded fantasy world.
I'm now 16 months into my latest attempt at HRT and things are going pretty well with facial changes. I dress for the one hour drive to work every morning and just this morning I needed diesel on the way. I thought for a long time whether it was time to put myself to the test (again), but didn't.
I'm not scared of the reactions, I'm scared of the misery it induces in me when it happens.

I'll admit, I do have to tighten down my loose screws prior to going anywhere other than known safe areas (such as work, grocery store, etc). Generally my fears are never actually realized...and I've only had one incident of "You are a man!" in the past couple of years.

At my core, I don't really care what others think, but there are loose "parts" of me that tremble at being called out...I just try to calm them down, to assure them it won't be as bad as they make it out to be.

Just imagine what cis-women go through if they're "unattractive" (in the Hollywood sense) or severely overweight...

*hugs* to everyone who's been bullied. Best way to stop them though is to develop an inner strength that won't buckle under their pressure. (Yes, easier said than done...but it MUST be done)

My wife is no supermodel, and she told me a few weeks ago that every now and then she gets some incredibly insulting comments from kids who think it's funny to belittle people.   

I didn't pass for many months, and to compensate overused makeup to the point I looked freakish a few times.  So there was a period where I wore androgynous clothes to look like an old and ragged butch lesbian.  That was actually o.k. for me at the time, and as HRT did it's work I look more feminine, but still not very good.  After refining a makeup routine I'm comfortable, and don't even think about how I look.  Every few months there's a few hideously obscene slurs from bigoted A-Holes, but I brush them off now and don't worry about it.

I wish we could all pass the first time we step out the door.  But it doesn't happen for 90% of us.  It's not easy hun, and it takes time.  If you're uncomfortable with your look, discover something more andro that makes you comfortable for a while.  Let the look grow as time goes by, and one day it's gonna be ok.  Maybe not fantastic, but you'll be happy.

Hugs.   

A lot of us suffer from an anxiety disorder, and gender dysphoria can exacerbate it. Issues of passing or not passing, and any negative reactions or ill treatment we perceive, can become strong triggers for social anxiety, general anxiety, agoraphobia, panic attacks, etc.

I can attest that anxiety disorders are very treatable, even if antianxiety medications aren't an option, like my case.

I once had crippling social and generalized anxiety, with severe panic attacks. But after two years of therapy and lots of desensitization (practice!) I am free of social anxiety and almost free of non-social sensitivity to panic and anxiety altogether.

If I have time I will share the techniques I've learned, but my point is that once the anxiety is alleviated, the confidence that lets us project who we are and makes us immune to bullying is in reach. Regardless of our individual "passing" wishes or challenges. In fact, when we are comfortable in our own skin, bullies pass us over for more vulnerable prey.
-Maddie
Nearly anxiety free since very recently

Hugs, E.B. I can imagine how humiliating and daunting it must be.

Can you imagine a shield around you and that comments from fools just bounce off it?

If anyone threatens you physically, look into what local law enforcement can do for you. The police don't always protect our rights, but it is their job (regardless of who we are) and I'm always on the side of demanding that they do it.

I hope things get better for you.

It is a terrible thing to happen to you. One time with me it was kind of funny. It was cold out and I had my men's coat on because I didn't have a woman's  coat. I had a nice dress and make up . This was all pre transition. Some guy was walking towards me from the other direction and yelled out ->-bleeped-<-. I couldn't quite figure what exactly he thought I was male because of the mans coat or female because of the dress.

If you were to lump all the people that fall into the transgender spectrum you would find that the overwhelming majority stay at home and never leave the house.

Why is that? Perhaps there are 1000 answers to this question. On the other hand if you are someone that is going to transition at some point ya have to bite the bullet and do what you have to do. I should point out that there are a lot of women that came before you and we survived. We fought tooth and nail to carve a place in society for ourselves. In hindsight perhaps that's why so few leave the house.... they simply aren't willing to do the work to achieve such a hard goal. If there is one thing I learned in life it would be that nothing worth a crap comes easy!

Katie

I don't dress in a feminine manner, but there are very few places I would not go.  I'd avoid cowboy or biker bars or any sort of place where there is fighting. 

I go to water aerobics class, where there are typically a dozen women and one or two men.  I used to worry about my boobs until an older man with boobs that drooped nearly to his waist joined the class.

My summer attire of khaki shorts and polo shirt is pretty androgynous.

I've even gotten comments from college age girls calling me out as an FTM, when I'm MTF.  One girl in a group shouted "He's a Lesbian!"   That made me happy.  It was as if she acknowledge that I was a woman, if a bit butch, under my androgynous clothes.

Randi

Quote from: Katie on December 05, 2013, 11:27:25 AM
If you were to lump all the people that fall into the transgender spectrum you would find that the overwhelming majority stay at home and never leave the house.

Why is that? Perhaps there are 1000 answers to this question. On the other hand if you are someone that is going to transition at some point ya have to bite the bullet and do what you have to do. I should point out that there are a lot of women that came before you and we survived. We fought tooth and nail to carve a place in society for ourselves. In hindsight perhaps that's why so few leave the house.... they simply aren't willing to do the work to achieve such a hard goal. If there is one thing I learned in life it would be that nothing worth a crap comes easy!

Katie

I couldn't agree more Katie your not going to get anywhere by worrying about what other people are saying or thinking. I'm glad I started going out prior to hrt and passing it makes me grateful for everything I have now. Transitioning like everything that's worth something in life is a risk and yes you could have somebody make fun of you but it's not the end of the world to be laughed at. I could have stayed at home and worried about what people would think about me. But I didn't and I am the woman I am today because I left the house and was willing to put up with some stares and some laughter.

Quote from: Heather on December 05, 2013, 12:26:23 PM
I am the woman I am today because I left the house and was willing to put up with some stares and some laughter.

My experience was similar. No one laughed but there was a lot of staring, smirking and scowling. (Also a lot of people gave me compliments out of the blue).

This gave me courage. I realized I could deal with all and that whether or not I was passable, I'd be able to handle living full time.

I don't give a rat's ass about haters.I go where I feel like though I avoid bars and war zones if possible.Someone says something bad to me 9 times out of 10 I ignore it,otherwise it's a **** you from me.

I started dressing when I was a little kid. By the time I got to my twenties I had to get out or go insane.

I do not pass. Why does that matter to me? Why can't I just ignore it and know that I'm a woman anyway? Why don't I just do what I feel? Here's why:

I'm already doing what I feel. I'm being myself. I feel I have no choice in that regardless of how I look or how people address me. I do know that I'm a woman, but I know other people don't see me that way. I don't use clothing or voice or social roles to define myself, and I don't feel any satisfaction from people electing to accept me as something -- as though I were proposing a suggestion, and they subsequently decide if they want to participate. It makes me feel as if I'm offering someone a portion of a candy bar and they can either partake or reject. My womanhood is not analogous to a candy bar, and I'd rather avoid experiencing that situation altogether.

If I were to wear women's clothing, I would do it because I like what I choose to wear. But if wearing what I like means that I have to constantly go through the candy bar checkpoint, I would personally not have the capacity to enjoy what I am wearing. As a result, for the time being, I am reclusive because I both do not want to become exhausted via candy bar logistics, and neither do I identify as a male or have any desire to involve myself in life under that pretext of identity -- for the record, when I do go out, I dress as androgynous as possible and have a femininely groomed appearance (plucked eyebrows, enhance eyebrows with makeup, long, shiny, wavy hair, so on and so forth), I really cannot stand carrying a masculine persona.

It has nothing to do with my wanting to tough it out or work hard. I already work hard toward my transition. I could definitely "bite the bullet," but I wouldn't be any happier. I'd just be a girl in flats who constantly feels horrible, because she can't stop being distracted by wondering about how many people see her as a guy in flats. I'm completely content for the women who do feel happy meeting the transition challenge headstrong, but it is simply not for me; this is all despite the fact that my friends are proactively supportive of me, my co-workers are aware and have proactively expressed support for whenever I decide to move along, and much of my family supports me; the people I know easily see me as feminine. A big part of it for me is how grossly uncomfortable I feel in my skin, not just my clothing.

Our individuality isn't only an extension of personality but of our inner selves. My individuality (and that of many other trans people) states that it is not comfortable "forcing" a presentation.

Hhhhm, for me its kinda different...I ve been out as a girl a couple of times an even though I didnt expect it I wasnt nervous or anything,no one said anything and I feel like the stares were only a few , even my friends dont mind...

But the thing is that I mind, I know that under the make up and clothing I still have a mans body and thats whats bother me, Im not afraid of what people will say , but I still feel this frustration with my self and I believe that is the reason I dont go out as a girl that much...
I just want hormones to change me a bit so I can finally feel at ease.

It is true though that most people wont react to you no matter if you pass or not,sadly there are still are some bad people out there,if it happens to meet one just ignore...

One time when I was passing the androgynous state there was some teens bullying me out in the streets , and I remember that when they tried to hit me immediately some other pedestrians came to help me , that gave me hope and made me realize that as long as good people exist we will be able to live , its up too you.

This isnt meant to sound harsh but, transitioning socially is hard.

I consider myself incredibly lucky because I've never once been the subject of any bullying, no one has ever called anything transphobic out to me, I've never been stared at. However, and its a big however, I transitioned very slowly because I knew, I couldn't take the stress of being abused..
I took hormones and presented as male, I did this until people assumed I was female regardless of what I did. I then, very slowly began to alter my dress sense. I didn't just throw a dress on a skip down the streets...
I'm not saying people shouldn't just dress how they want whenever they want, and I'm not excusing the horrid behaviour of disgusting people who abuse others. What I am saying is, If you're struggling to cope with the fact that you don't pass, maybe just continue with hrt and slowly present as more androgynous.

i know when i first started i didn't want to go outside let alone to school. i got beaten up alot in 8th grade because the guys thought i was gay. and also in 7tth grade so i said the heck with it. i just had to learn hot to run fast. but as the hormones did their work the guys did not feel comfortable beating me up anymore plus their girlfriends all made them stop. i say even when you cant pass you can at least try.

Quote from: Isabelle on December 06, 2013, 01:11:55 AM
This isnt meant to sound harsh but, transitioning socially is hard.

I consider myself incredibly lucky because I've never once been the subject of any bullying, no one has ever called anything transphobic out to me, I've never been stared at. However, and its a big however, I transitioned very slowly because I knew, I couldn't take the stress of being abused..
I took hormones and presented as male, I did this until people assumed I was female regardless of what I did. I then, very slowly began to alter my dress sense. I didn't just throw a dress on a skip down the streets...
I'm not saying people shouldn't just dress how they want whenever they want, and I'm not excusing the horrid behaviour of disgusting people who abuse others. What I am saying is, If you're struggling to cope with the fact that you don't pass, maybe just continue with hrt and slowly present as more androgynous.

I know exactly what you mean.

I've always wondered why more girls don't just wait it out on hrt and save money for surgeries before diving feet first into full time. Some people sadly don't naturally pass before hrt & surge. To me it all goes back to planing and being 100% honest with yourself before just putting yourself out there with the wolves. We all know what we look like and that should always be taken into account beforehand. I know many girls who waited till things were further enough along before going full time. I think it's better to ease into things gradually. Getting clocked is the lest of any girls worries if you ask me. I tend to look at things from a safety point. It's just not safe to jump out there prematurely.

It may not be fun waiting but nothing worth having/doing is ever easy. Why set yourself up for what could be easily avoided?