Quote from: Sybil on December 07, 2013, 11:19:24 AM
I think that a significant percentage of transgendered people have physical hurdles that "give them away," regardless of their mannerisms or their ability to blend in otherwise, and that readily noticing these features is not restricted to gender/sex sensitive people. Of course, these features aren't inherently a bad thing and shouldn't invalidate someone's gender, but people will be terrible and do use them to be judgmental or quietly question what is amiss anyway. I think that's the fear that many people have. Some people are comfortable with this fact and ignore the possibilities, while others are not comfortable and seek to remedy their "giveaways" before expressing themselves more fully.
I really do wish confidence and experience were enough to overcome transgender hinting for everyone, but I really do not think that is the case.
Very true Sybil. I am fortunate to live in a part of the world where being a woman whose looks (physical or presentationally) are very masculine does not make one not be treated as a woman. Treating someone in a way that upsets them or makes them feel less welcome and accepted is NOT acceptable in Portland.
In Portland, Oregon, as long as the way you carry yourself and dress makes it clear you want to be treated as a woman, you will be treated as a woman. People have been around enough gender variance that they don't get their boxers or panties in knots when they meet a gender non-conforming person. They might guess wrong on pronouns but will usually correct themselves if you tell them how you like to be addressed.
The only bad thing about Portland is for our trans men who have feminine physical looks, because there are so many women here who are stone butch it can be difficult to get out of the lesbian category in other people's assumptions based on appearance.
If you live in a place where people are not used to differences, I agree that it is harder, and you will be doing more educating of people in how to treat you.
And I won't invalidate the experience of anyone who needs or wants to transform themselves. We do what we feel we need to do.
I'm just pointing out that a great many of transgender people, right on this site, who are afraid to go out as themselves, are already
more passing than hundreds of thousands of us who have already gone full time and are doing just fine (but usually don't hang out on transgender support sites any more because our life issues are not gender-based any more).
No amount of physical changes can substitute for comfort and confidence, which for many of us require even lengthier processes (and treatments) to accomplish because we started out with no comfort and no confidence. People who chase comfort and confidence indirectly through changing or improving their appearance are very often disappointed. There are literally millions of passable and often beautiful cis-women/handsome cis-men who are crippled by social anxiety, general anxiety, panic disorders, and poor self-image, and it has nothing to do with their gender issues or real appearance, but they are also afraid to go out and to be themselves. If we are anxious and uncomfortable, we can work on that, and it does get better. I know.
I truly can't tell you if I get "clocked" 100 times a day or none, it is rare when someone remarks about my difference but I'm not looking for it any more, not policing people's reactions or trying to guess their perceptions, and when someone does make it obvious they think they know my transgender background, I no longer assume they are malicious or even negative. "Cool, teaching opportunity!" is a better feeling than "OMG they think I'm a guy in a dress I just want to hide what do I do.". (NOTE: there is NOTHING wrong with being a guy in a dress, it's just not how to describe how I experience being me. Once I got over that thing, my own internalized transphobia and transmisogyny, I stopped being uncomfortable around crossdressing men, and I am no longer upset if someone in their ignorance mistakes me for a guy. There is nothing wrong with being a guy, I just am not one. If someone tries to insult me for that, I correct them twice - 1. it is not an insult, a man who is confident enough to wear feminine dress is a great thing to be and if they are so upset about it maybe they need to try it themselves, and 2. by the way, I am a woman, this is me all the time buddy so don't be so rude and try to shame people for being themselves.)
