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Bad Jokes

Started by Cindy, March 13, 2011, 03:29:37 AM

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0 Members and 5 Guests are viewing this topic.

dalebert


dalebert


dalebert



Safety disclaimer: Doesn't actually work.

Kittenswithmittens

What's the similarity between men and women?

Answer is below, mark text to read. Some people might find it inappropriate, you have my warning. ;D

They both need tissues when watching a good movie.
"She had blue skin, and so did he. He kept it hid, and so did she. They searched for blue their whole life through, then passed right by - and never knew."
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dalebert


dalebert


Danielle Emmalee

Quote from: dalebert on December 15, 2013, 06:46:08 AM


It could at least tell you if it was an oil fire, electric fire, or flammable metal fire...
Discord, I'm howlin' at the moon
And sleepin' in the middle of a summer afternoon
Discord, whatever did we do
To make you take our world away?

Discord, are we your prey alone,
Or are we just a stepping stone for taking back the throne?
Discord, we won't take it anymore
So take your tyranny away!
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Constance

My penis was once in the Guinness Book of World Records, but then the librarian kicked me out.

Constance

How do you spell "candy" with only 2 letters?

C and Y

LordKAT

Good ones Connie, especially the first.
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Beth Andrea

Quote from: Orange Creamsicle on December 15, 2013, 01:55:24 PM
It could at least tell you if it was an oil fire, electric fire, or flammable metal fire...

As a public service, I offer this mnemonic:

Type "A" fires = make Ashes, as in paper and wood

Type "B" fires = need a Bowl to hold, as they are liquids (gasoline, oil, etc)

Type "C" fires = have a Charge in them, like electrical fires.

Overhead several times during fire extinguisher classes, I even think the instructor was the one saying it.

:-*

...I think for most of us it is a futile effort to try and put this genie back in the bottle once she has tasted freedom...

--read in a Tessa James post 1/16/2017
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dalebert

A mom was pouring her son a glass of milk when her daughter came up and asked for a glass of milk as well. She started to pour her daughter a glass when the carton ran out. So she poured some of the milk from her son's glass into her daughter's glass until they were even. Her son started crying saying it was his milk. She had a talk with him about sharing.

The moral of this story is "Don't cry over split milk."

dalebert


MadeleineG

What's the best item to re-gift?

A reciprocal saw
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Constance

Did you know that plateaus are the highest form of flattery?

LordKAT

An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!" "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old dad explained. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!". Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls her elderly father immediately, and screams at him, "You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, you hear me?" she yelled as she hung up the phone. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says, "it's all set. They're both coming for Christmas and paying their own air-fare."
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Ms. OBrien CVT


  
It does not take courage or bravery to change your gender.  It takes fear of living one more day in the wrong one.~me
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Ms. OBrien CVT


  
It does not take courage or bravery to change your gender.  It takes fear of living one more day in the wrong one.~me
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Constance


MadeleineG

Quote from: Constance on December 18, 2013, 10:48:54 PM
Did you know that plateaus are the highest form of flattery?

No. My butte is.  :-\
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