Quote from: invisibleme on December 10, 2013, 12:27:22 AM
I just joined and really needed this thread. I am an FTM person who also scores very high on adult Asperger's online screening tests (can't find a professional who could assess me as an adult, but I have struggled with this my entire life). That jpg someone posted? At least 90% true for me.

Anyway, I am really struggling because I hate being transgender and feel I may have made a mistake by transitioning. I already de-transitioned and re-transitioned once, though. Yes, I have been in therapy off and on for years. A big part of the problem is that I cant make and keep friends, so I really need support and cant really access it. Right now I'm feeling pretty hopeless about ever fitting into this world, my body, my relationship (which is currently complicated by my spouse entering transition), etc.

I do wonder how much of my struggle is about Asperger's. Maybe I am not even trans. I feel like I have ruined my life - and it isn't like I'm young. I am 36, yet I need way more support than my peers. I wish I could try again and not mess everything up.

I have a 16 year old daughter feeling this way and I am having a difficult time discussing her idea of wanting to transition since I feel she may regret it at a later date as she grows and matures and her brain begins to connect with her body.  Your comments are helping me to know their are others out there with similar thoughts.  Thank you for the posts.  She wants to show me all the youtube videos of all the people that are so happy after they transition and I asked her to also find people who are trans that have not transitioned and are choosing to live as their born gender.  I think there are a lot of people like this, but they are not as easy to find.  Does anyone relate to this and could they tell me or tell her how it feels to live without transitioning?

Her brain may never connect other body as it is now. Perhaps you need to see her view as much as you want her to see yours.

abcde, feel free to message me if you like.  I'm trans and a bit aspie, and I've got a 16 year old who sounds very similar to yours.

Quote from: genderhell on December 08, 2013, 12:07:47 AM
My opinion is that you should call doctors, and find one that has worked with both trans people, and autism people.

You definitely want to be concerned that AS can cause "OCD" behavior.

AS girls traits:

http://www.help4aspergers.com/pb/wp_a58d4f6a/images/img244154ad237783e339.JPG

Take note: On the left side of the link, seventh paragraph down, it says "may not have a strong sense of identity ... can be cameleon like ..."

I have read a lot of cis-autistic girls and cis-autistic woman (not trans) on Wrong Planet that ...

-don't wear makeup
-don't dress up instead, just wear what is comfortable
-don't fuss with hair
-prefer to have very little socialization
-complain of having boobs (see no point in them)

Anecdotally, it seems that a cis-ASD/AS female is very close to what a male is expected to be like. I don't know if that would influence someone to think they are transgendered or not. I am just stating my observations, and in view of the ASD/AS-girl trait link above.

Thanks, this information is helpful.  The challenge is that I can not find a dr or therapist that knows both of these areas well.  It is very frustrating considering I am finding so many people online that are saying they have both of these.  I really want this to be clearly understood for my daughter and others.

Quote from: Sharon Lynn on December 17, 2013, 06:43:24 AM
abcde, feel free to message me if you like.  I'm trans and a bit aspie, and I've got a 16 year old who sounds very similar to yours.

I'm new to this forum stuff, so I really am not sure how to message, but I would like to hear more about your experiences.

Quote from: abcde on December 17, 2013, 08:02:10 PM
Thanks, this information is helpful.  The challenge is that I can not find a dr or therapist that knows both of these areas well.  It is very frustrating considering I am finding so many people online that are saying they have both of these.  I really want this to be clearly understood for my daughter and others.

You may want to consider posting a thread on Wrong Planet and explaining your situation to non-transgendered ASD/AS girls and woman.

Quote from: abcde on December 16, 2013, 11:07:21 PM
I have a 16 year old daughter feeling this way and I am having a difficult time discussing her idea of wanting to transition since I feel she may regret it at a later date as she grows and matures and her brain begins to connect with her body.  Your comments are helping me to know their are others out there with similar thoughts.  Thank you for the posts.  She wants to show me all the youtube videos of all the people that are so happy after they transition and I asked her to also find people who are trans that have not transitioned and are choosing to live as their born gender.  I think there are a lot of people like this, but they are not as easy to find.  Does anyone relate to this and could they tell me or tell her how it feels to live without transitioning?

I can relate to your position, abcde.
My girl is 19 and struggled a lot in childhood with ADHD, giftedness and a possible/marginal diagnosis of aspergers.  She has a best friend who is almost textbook aspergers.  Yes, I was concerned that these challenges complicate her feelings of being *trans. I still do. But I no longer bear unfair expectations of gender or future roles.  I let her be herself and know she is blossoming better by expressing her female self. We will continue therapy both mental and physical as long as she needs either. Try not to feel as if any of these challenges were caused by outdide forces. The only answers I am finding lie in acceptance and support.  I hope you both can do what works best.