Something that I've found very interesting since I've come out is that my interests have completely changed.
I don't really know if it's just the hype of being able to do things I was afraid to in my past, or if my hobbies where only there to keep my mind off the idea of coming out.
I've always been interested in computers, networking, electronics, and radio for so long that my family has stories of me taking things apart farther back than I can recall.
I still feel that while I've not been interested in any of those things since coming out that those interests will for the most part come back, however I think of how I enjoyed those hobbies may be gone forever.
I always had this thing about me that if the idea came to mind I had to do it, I had to prove to myself that I could... I think a big part of this is because when I was younger I was diagnosed with ADD and was told that I would... among other things never learn to read. I was pretty angry about that and set out to prove those people wrong. I think that has stuck with me over the years.
For example I have broken into telephone conversations and encryption schemes (with permission of the owner to keep it legal), I've intercepted live satellite transmissions of video, audio, and data... Things that most people don't even think about. I still have interest in those things however I don't feel that it matters if I ever accomplish them.
That driving force to do these things is gone..... completely, I just don't feel it. I've even considered selling my radio gear to go twords HRT costs ..... something I might not have to do for money all because I really just don't have the same interest.. I'm an Amateur radio operator with an Extra class license.. and I worked hard for it. Now..? I don't care.
Has anyone else ended up in this place? Did you ever get out of it?
The difference for me is this isn't depression... it's more of... I don't care because I... I guess I've found new meaning in my life.
Thoughts?