Quote from: birkin on January 28, 2014, 12:18:54 PM
You just have to learn to emphasize the positive. Pretty much anyone could make themselves sound either bad or good, depending on how they phrased it.

It was one of those assesments where you had to chose "strongly disagree slightly disagree, not sure/in between, slightly agree, strongly agree"

I found myself clicking strongly disagree and strongly agree a lot to some statements.

Like what kind of questions?

I'm sending them to you right now.

I think I'm going to dump my doctor, find someone else who will realise that dysphoria is depression and won't go away until I can be perceived as female in society.
I've done all I can do. Time for medical professionals to do their jobs and do what they can do.
I can't live for three more months with having to shave body hair on a daily basis, because I can't. I can't shower every day because I don't always want to go to the men's room to do it. And it's going to ruin my timeline as well; I'm not going to come back to school next year as fully female; I'll still have the breasts of a prepubescent and the face of a man. I don't know if the State of California will be able to say that I've moved far along enough in transition to grant me a female gender marker. I'll still probably have to live in the men's dorms if I can't get into gender neutral. I could be stuck behind for another 6 months to a year because of this.

Time to spend a bunch of money to go to Howard Brown in Chicago. Why does my familial income have to be through the roof, making the sliding scale ineffective?

Can't think with all this negative noise in my head.

Yeah Willow, I read your post in the unhappy thread - I highly recommend doing whatever you can to see another doctor. I know money's tight so that might be a bit of a challenge but this one you're seeing now is getting you absolutely nowhere. And imo it's tantamount to cruelty, to make you suffer with dysphoria as if that will make you more "worthy" of transition.

Quote from: birkin on January 28, 2014, 01:03:41 PMYeah Willow, I read your post in the unhappy thread - I highly recommend doing whatever you can to see another doctor. I know money's tight so that might be a bit of a challenge but this one you're seeing now is getting you absolutely nowhere. And imo it's tantamount to cruelty, to make you suffer with dysphoria as if that will make you more "worthy" of transition.

I'm going to talk with my dad about it today. I can't suffer for another semestre and fail again. I don't want to ruin my life. As much as I don't want to be at college and would rather be travelling, I know I have no choice. I'm not about to wrangle with my insurance anymore, they're completely useless on this matter. And if I see someone that I have to pay out of pocket for, they better not gatekeep me just to waste my money, I won't have it. I'll demand a refund for every visit that I've seen them for if they say I have to get my depression under control fist. Guess what, I don't know of a single transperson who wasn't depressed before starting hormones.

I hope dad understands this and will provide the money to travel to Chicago and for the visits there, or better yet, have him take me himself. But I don't want to stay at my aunt's. I'm not out to them, and not going to revert just for them, or want to be pestered by her annoying little {redacted}, I mean, bundles of joy, both emotionally or physically.

I did the calcuations for a minimum wage full time job for a year including an estimate of taxes and transprtation costs (minimal costs as I'd plan to take a bus and the occasional cab/get a ride).  Add that with contributing at least $100 towards rent to help my mom with living expense and with no other costs (I mean absolutely not spending ANYTHING unless it's an emergency), that's around 14 grand a year, if I'm extremely lucky.  That's going to barely cover my top surgery/mansculpture costs.  I'm trying to imagine adding Androgel, doctors appointments, and eventually bottom surgery to that afterwards, with the impression that the Androgel and bottom surgery wouldn't be covered by insurance. Then I'd like to add a gym membership to the mix. Dang.......I can't even comprehend having enough money to save for all of that.

I tell you, my hat is off to anyone who is making their transition happen legally on a minimum wage job with no insurance and without the help of the government, family, or anyone else but themselves on TOP of regular living expenses if they indepedent.  I have so much respect for them.  That's not to say I don't have respect for someone who is able to get their surgeries and/or hormones paid for, but since I probably will never be in that position, I just can relate.

I'm as legal as need to be. Customs has searched some of the packages I've gotten and let them through with no issues, so that's legal enough for me, lol.   But then I don't have rent, just power, internet, water softener and sulphur guard, insurance and taxes along with keeping up my car(no payment on it either). I suppose I'm lucky about that.

Bout the only thing going through my head right now is why? That applies to multiple things.

Just not feeling in a good place at the moment not really sure of any one reason why. (gah that word again)

I hope so as this is like three days in a row feeling like this at the moment. Love you to. *hugs*

http://www.realself.com/review/chadds-ford-pa-breast-augmentation-26-days-left


The heightened emotions and empathy E can give you... The more I kept reading and seeing the photos the more I wished for a happy ending.

Quote from: Liam Erik on January 28, 2014, 09:19:45 AM
Mine was a hat my grandmother requested.  The mistake was in misjudging the size of the homemade yarn, in comparison to the other hat I was looking at, so it came out irredeemably small.

I'd say I'll take pictures of the lambs for y'all but I said that last year, too...  I'll try, how about that.

I'm thinking no person alive has a lovelier chest than me. I'm shirtless because I befouled my clothes.  I put on nice clean clothes so I could go to an important thing later not smelling like I've been in the same woolens for ten consecutive days, and I thought I'd fill the sheep water manually since things are frozen up, and then I thought I'd bail out the filth layer from the bottom while it was near empty, and this is why I can't have nice things.

Just redo it with bigger needles/looser knitting? Mine was a jumper for my goddaughter. I've never knitted anything like that before. Just gotta finish up now, really.

http://puu.sh/6Bsg1 lookielook! It will look much nicer once it's been ironed and stuff I hope. I'm quite proud, there's a first time for everything.

I envy you being able to work with sheep like that. I love sheep. Sheep are super cool, absolutely brilliant animals. And they smell nice.

Quote from: AppleJack on January 28, 2014, 04:13:12 PM
http://www.realself.com/review/chadds-ford-pa-breast-augmentation-26-days-left


The heightened emotions and empathy E can give you... The more I kept reading and seeing the photos the more I wished for a happy ending.

Geeze, the poor child!

Well I applied to Ingles and it seems like my application went through online.  My laptop from when I pressed the "sign" signature, and we I logged back on it told me thank you for completing the application and that a hiring manager will contact me as soon as a position becomes available.

On to the next online job application I suppose, but I'm going to take a small break first.

Had I known then at 16 what I know now....I would have started working immediatly so my top surgery could have been paid off and done by now....maybe even my bottom surgery too.... -sigh- oh well....

Quote from: Malachite on January 28, 2014, 07:42:51 PM
Had I known then at 16 what I know now....I would have started working immediatly so my top surgery could have been paid off and done by now....maybe even my bottom surgery too.... -sigh- oh well....

Hind sight is 20/20 hon, but oh well huh?

Quote from: Shantel on January 28, 2014, 08:12:31 PM
Hind sight is 20/20 hon, but oh well huh?

I actually had to look that up lol but yeah in this case I do agree.

I'm thinking that its nasty out with the sleet and all the ice from the freezing rain, but at least the power came back on. I had the generator going after I cleaned the main jet, but didn't have internet except on my phone, so I whined on facebook with that. Now I can fix a pizza and hope the power stays on so I don't have to go outside again tonight.

Just submitted another application online to a restaurant. 

My father said my thinking is screwed of by trying to find a job where I can get there on our crappy bus route system.  If only he knew that I have top surgery to think about so if I can avoid driving I will....