Clown face paint, a fancy suit, a tooth pick with dental floss on the other end, and an awesome walk that shows confidence

I'm hoping my ex-girlfriend starts talking to me again. I left her a long message on Facebook telling her how I feel.

So my back got a bit better, didn't go to urgent care. Yet.

I also haven't eaten, which is a bad thing. I haven't really wanted to leave my room on account of my body hair being a horrid length and my facial hair being atrociously stubbled.

Thinking about how easy something is. I don't even try. A lot of the time, it irritates me, but today, I am thinking it is an advantage.

Quote from: Edge on February 21, 2014, 06:53:22 PM
I get the impression one of my friends was judging me for like The Princess Bride. This guy has never watched The Princess Bride and he posts and likes cute animal pictures on facebook. The thing is, this kind of thing used to bother me, but it doesn't anymore. I know who I am and that I'm no less who I am whatever my likes are.
That said, I also have some mildly conflicting ideas in my head of what I want to be like. They're probably less conflicting than I think. I just get hung up on trying to live vicariously through fictional characters. I should get better at seeing myself.
I also have the fire swamp scene stuck in my head. "We'll never survive." "Nonsense. You're just saying that because no one ever has."

One of my favourite movies.

I'm thinking it won't be easy getting to sleep tonight like last night. Too many things on my mind; too bad I don't have anyone next to me to cuddle and talk with.

Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 22, 2014, 12:18:54 AM
I'm thinking it won't be easy getting to sleep tonight like last night. Too many things on my mind; too bad I don't have anyone next to me to cuddle and talk with.

I know the feeling. -sigh-

Quote from: Malachite on February 22, 2014, 12:24:03 AM
I know the feeling. -sigh-

Yeah.. it sucks being alone sometimes.

Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 22, 2014, 12:36:37 AM
Yeah.. it sucks being alone sometimes.

Get out of my head.

sigh...yes, I feel that if I had someone to love and love me back this process would be much easier...
If at the times that dysphoria would strike me there was somebody to hold me and accept me as a girl I would be much more happy...

Yet Im alone , and Im sure nobody comes even close to understanding me...
I wish somebody could understand my pain...and I wish that someday this pain will vanish,,,thats what I pray for everyday,,,

I will never understand wanting to live with someone all the time. I have never been able to do it without losing my cool. Considering I'm a pretty cool KAT, that sucks. Now if I could have separate living space and have it respected, I could probably be OK, but that isn't fair to the other person. I'm actually better off being alone and definitely more comfortable that way.

Half a metre of snow outside and I got to carry 600 kilos of hay inside. Today. Gaaah. :p This is going to take all evening.

Use a sled? We used to use a stone boat as kids.

Quote from: FalsePrincess on February 22, 2014, 04:17:35 AM
sigh...yes, I feel that if I had someone to love and love me back this process would be much easier...
If at the times that dysphoria would strike me there was somebody to hold me and accept me as a girl I would be much more happy...

Yet Im alone , and Im sure nobody comes even close to understanding me...
I wish somebody could understand my pain...and I wish that someday this pain will vanish,,,thats what I pray for everyday,,,

youre never alone..

Quote from: LordKAT on February 22, 2014, 06:34:56 AM
I will never understand wanting to live with someone all the time. I have never been able to do it without losing my cool. Considering I'm a pretty cool KAT, that sucks. Now if I could have separate living space and have it respected, I could probably be OK, but that isn't fair to the other person. I'm actually better off being alone and definitely more comfortable that way.

I like the idea of having separate living space. I've struggled agoraphobia in the past. Turns out it's completely gone when I have my home as a safe space.

I am thinking that I want to have a talk with one of my friends with no bs, no hiding things, and with complete honesty. That's not going to happen though.

Quote from: LordKAT on February 22, 2014, 07:35:06 AM
Use a sled? We used to use a stone boat as kids.

That'd just be more effort, the area the hay is located is too rough for a sled Siiigh. Postponed till tomorrow morning, it will be super rainy. Sigh! :p

Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 22, 2014, 12:36:37 AM
Yeah.. it sucks being alone sometimes.

Yeah, it can be a drag. :/  Nights and mornings are the worse for me.




I'm thinking about how I really want to start T, and how perhaps I should find a ride share on Craigslist to take me to a Planned Parenthood in NC.  However, when I look at the prices of what everyhing would cost me including transportation  Androgel, it would be so much wiser just to stick with getting top surgery first.  If I tried to take T first in my situation then chance are it would take me soooooo much longer to save for top surgery.  It would be so much easier for me to just remove the boobs first. 

I'm thinking I'm gonna call the Transgender group in my area tonight since my mom won't.

Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 22, 2014, 01:50:56 PM
I'm thinking I'm gonna call the Transgender group in my area tonight since my mom won't.

Get proactive Mr Hockey!

Quote from: Shantel on February 22, 2014, 02:00:35 PM
Get proactive Mr Hockey!

Yeah, if I wait for her, I'm never going to be able to talk with other people or transition.

I'm glad there is a Transgender group in my city.