I know I posted a topic yesterday, but...let's just say that my mother complained to my dad about how I was so "sick and twisted" that my dad blew over and said, "If you want to be a stupid F***ING MESSED UP GIRL then GTFO. If you want to stay, then man up and BE A BOY. WHY? BECAUSE YOU'RE A BOY! A BOY! A BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Well, I decided to stay because even if I did run away, I don't think it would be a good time to. I have braces on right now and stuff. Also, my dad technically gave me the option to stay in his house and be a girl, but I would have to throw everything out of my room (even furniture), stop going to school, and get a job. But if that's the case, I'd rather live somewhere else. *sigh*

You know, I was just thinking...should I report this for abuse? Because this is clearly abuse (at least, emotionally). They're using fear and my emotions to control me. I "stay as a boy"? They embrace me and go all "oh we'll give you whatever you want - even that electric drum set you wanted". If I transition? They yell, give me the bird, and kick me out. They will disown me.

Do you think I should report this, or stay quiet and just waiting 3 more stupid years? I could wait 3 more years...but I think all the stress will kill me and cause me to commit suicide. I was already thinking about suicide before, and it's even worse now because I feel like my parent's f***ing puppet or some crap like that. I can't live my life. I have to live the life my parents want. Even for just 3 years, I can't handle it. Even today, I got so mad just because of all the stress. And of course, my mom lectures me and goes all "if you want to be a good child, then study for the SATs and don't yell at us".

F*** this, I'm trying to stop myself from f***ing crying. I can't keep pretending to be happy. I'm already tired of it, so I kind of stopped pretending. And then people wonder why I'm so sad. *sigh*

I feel like I will commit suicide tomorrow, even. I might see the kitchen knife and stab myself or some crap like that. I don't even know anymore because I can't control myself. My life is out of my hands. It's in my parents, and they can create the "perfect son", whatever that THING may be.

I could wait for 3 more years, but I don't know if I can. I can't even take control of my life. I'm a stupid, lifeless puppet controlled by the monsters known as my parents.

I could report this for child abuse, but it may be ignored because I'm trans.

You know what's funny? My mom was talking to me yesterday about how demons entered me and were trying to control me. "Honey, demons entered your head. "Become a girl. Take hormones and surgery. You'll be happy," they chant repeatedly. Well, guess what? Demons lie. They manipulate. They just want you to go down the wrong path. Don't listen to them and ask God to remove them from you, my son."

How f***ing ironic.

Edited for foul language.

Please don't stay silent. Get help from someone. Is there a counselor at school you can trust? An adult who has shown an interest in you? Is there a PFLAG chapter near you that can provide some resources?

Please do something.

You are being mistreated, and if it is driving you to suicide, having someone on your side would be be a big help. It's wonderful that you understand that your parents are wrong to treat your gender if it were a choice, but this is a big load to carry on your own.

I wouldn't recommend calling the police. If you are in America, there is a child protective services in your area. If you report your parents (which you need to do if you feel unsafe), those are probably the right people to call.

Good luck, dear. We are here if you need us. This is a very difficult situation. Try to find the strength within you not to give up.

OK Hon,

You are doing great, you are a very strong young woman.

Now you are still at school?

If so I want you to go to the school counsellor or any teacher you trust.

Talk to them, tell them what is happening at home.

There is absolutely nothing at all wrong in being trans, gay, fluid or any mix. What is wrong is being abused.

Please do this for me.

Cindy

Please do whatever you can to find help, you can't stay silent, what their saying to you is all wrong and definitely not providing what a parent should.

If this was in my county as a Deputy Sheriff I could have you removed from the home and put some place safe. Please report this to a school counselor, an adult you can trust or DHS. This is abuse plain and simple. This is also very dangerous for you as no parent would suggest the things you listed and they sound like they could snap. Please report this to someone immediately.

Talk to someone you trust.

Tell a teacher, guidance counselor, or principal.

If you have a relationship with them, I'd suggest the principal. They have a professional and legal duty to help you out.

Definitely talk to someone. What they are doing is not right and it is abusive. I pray that you find your way out of there and some place safe.

You have to think where she will be placed if she tells, for example here you will most likely be put in boys ranch if you are geneticly male.

I am so sorry you are going through this.

You deserve to be safe and loved for who you are.

The utter brutality of existence.  I don't know what to say other than my deepest sympathies for having to put up with such small minded people.  Is their some aunt or someone you could live with?

Whatever you do, hang in there.  Life will get better and I know you will have many experiences that you would gladly trade all the "->-bleeped-<-ty times" you had to experience in order to get there.

Firstly, Let me just say that I know EXACTLY what you are going through. I feel your pain. and...
FRACK THEM

my mother did the same things to me when i was a trans teen going through the height of my gender dysphoria in middle and high school. which caused me to move out as soon as I had some money to do so. I ended up moving cross country to get as far away from her as possible. some parents need time to adjust and realize how deep this is for you. It can feel like you are having to dig your way out of a jail with a spoon sometimes... and unfortunately, getting away from them to prove that you can be who you truly feel you are is the only way to do it.

as for the emotional abuse, the longer you are exposed to it, the more sh*tty you'll feel. I had to take it from my mother, her boyfriends she was seeing, and got beat up on an almost weekly basis in middle school. by the time high school came around, i had moved to another state and adapted a new routine of hiding as a emoish somewhat gothy nu metal type. but thats what it was- hiding in plain sight.  As soon as i was 18 and about to graduate, I finally came out with my intentions to transition. My mother abandoned me at the therapist's office after she read my letter, after neatly folding it up, throwing it in my face and telling me that i was crazy and to find somewhere else to live. Had I done so before I turned 18, she would have been dealing with law enforcement. There were too many nights that I would cry myself to sleep, but somehow I found a way to survive long enough to get out of there. It's taken her 10 years to realize and accept me as her daughter, even though I've been pretty obvious since i could talk and walk. even though we've reconciled and I'm living with her again and she does help me a little, its been a long hard road and she does still have bouts of less than rational behavior. As the Shinedown song goes, "sometimes goodbye is a second chance."

Quote from: lavini557 on February 21, 2014, 11:58:13 AM
I could report this for child abuse, but it may be ignored because I'm trans.

You know what's funny? My mom was talking to me yesterday about how demons entered me and were trying to control me. "Honey, demons entered your head. "Become a girl. Take hormones and surgery. You'll be happy," they chant repeatedly. Well, guess what? Demons lie. They manipulate. They just want you to go down the wrong path. Don't listen to them and ask God to remove them from you, my son."

How f***ing ironic.

I was worried about the social stigma affecting me getting help too, and in some areas it is a real threat to the fair treatment of teens in such situations.
but its a risk that has to be taken. and in this day in age, when the official channels don't (or won't) work, there's always alternatives like social media to help.

As far as demons go, being somewhat spiritual, I've long since suspected that there were paranormal forces at work preventing me from having a speedy transition and reaching a long happy life because my fate had me being a violent male while my destiny I was making has me being a confident woman leader... the whole crap about driving someone to commit suicide so you forfeit your soul or something along those lines. Which is why whenever something good happens I then worry what the bad stuff will be to counter the good. people rationalize things many different ways. I guess a bit of paranoia or dementia comes with the territory the longer your dysphoria goes unaddressed or untreated...

Hang in there, sister!
we will be here for you!

I was desperate for someone to take me from my parents when I was a kid. I got them reported multiple times, and the state child welfare agencies were only worried about money and what looked good on paper. My parents were awful, but the government wasn't any better. I ended up being kidnapped from state custody and taken to another state by a family member, where I was given money but no food or schooling or even advice. I was expected to be an adult at 13. My experiences with the government were as horrific and impermanent as my parents.

I don't want to say all authority figures are bad, but just please don't be as gullible as I was. I trusted all grownups who could smile at me, and I got tossed around as just one more number in the system. Look out as best you can for yourself, whatever you do. Make sure you get enough to eat, stay dry when you sleep, don't feel responsible for adults who can't take care of themselves, and do whatever it takes to make yourself happy and healthy.

If I were you (and I'm not saying this is necessarily even doable) I would stay and try to deal with it until you are a legal adult. Once you are 18 (or 19 in Alabama) you can legally do what is right and not get bullied by adults who care about you less than you care about yourself.

As an adult, I do occasionally speak to my blood family, through email or paper mail, but I do it on my own terms and I can ignore them when they start getting mean or too needy.

Quote from: lavini557 on February 21, 2014, 11:58:13 AM
Demons lie. They manipulate. They just want you to go down the wrong path.

She doesn't even realize who's the demon in that case, is she? Ask god to remove the demon and perhaps you'll get your mother back. That might sound drastically, but it seems to be your only choice...

Quote from: veritatemfurto on February 22, 2014, 09:04:16 PM
As the Shinedown song goes, "sometimes goodbye is a second chance."

Exactly.

Well, I did go tell my school counselor. He did assure me that parents have no reason to abandon their child, even if their child is trans.

At the moment, though, I'm not sure what to do. I try to focus on school on stuff, but I keep thinking about it and walking in circles thinking about it. Yeah, I could distract myself with other things, but those thoughts keep coming back afterwards. *sigh*

I could just not live with them and report them (like, I don't know, purposely tick them off with something trans-related so they kick me out or something), but I don't know how that will go. It could be worse, or it could be better. I don't know.

3 years is going to be so long...geez, I'll probably have done something crazy by then.

Sorry I have not replied in a while. I've had the stomach flu, and I was throwing up. Only for the first day, though. I still feel weird, but I think I'm okay. My mom decided to use this opportunity of me being sick to rant about how hormones make you feel sick and make you throw up and make you die at 40 or something. *sigh* Yes, mom, that makes me feel SO much better.

Also, if my parents technically let me stay at home, but they don't feed me, don't send me to school, make me get my own job, etc., that's still child abuse, correct?

It is nothing strange if someone stays off for some days.

Quote from: lavini557 on February 27, 2014, 10:36:07 PM
Also, if my parents technically let me stay at home, but they don't feed me, don't send me to school, make me get my own job, etc., that's still child abuse, correct?

As much as I'd love to answer with a clear yes, I can't. While they're bound to support you while you go to school, they're also bound to help you find your own way. Making you getting your own job might be seen as "help finding your way" and no child abuse as such.

That said, if they fully cut off their support leaving you starving, it totally is child abuse. But they may make you get your own job and pay only what you need in addition.

Working for your own need can give much satisfaction and the feeling to be able to pay for yourself. That might boost your confidence which wouldn't be that bad.

Quote
Sorry I have not replied in a while. I've had the stomach flu, and I was throwing up. Only for the first day, though. I still feel weird, but I think I'm okay. My mom decided to use this opportunity of me being sick to rant about how hormones make you feel sick and make you throw up and make you die at 40 or something. *sigh* Yes, mom, that makes me feel SO much better.

Where there may be some truth in that, there are ways to minimize risks, and you are regularly assessed to keep an eye on how you are reacting to HRT.

might want to make sure those hrt pills are hrt pills and not something that they've switched up to make you sick to legitimize their claims that "its bad for you" that would be child abuse right there, and I can say again from experience that I've been that paranoid about others going to such lengths to derail my needed transition.

@Pia Bianca - Oh, ok...I'll think I'll just wait. There's not much I can do until I'm 18, so...And getting a job right now might not be a good idea right now because I have to focus on school and stuff (not that it's impossible to do, but I can't focus on anything these days).

@Olivia P - Very true. I wish my mother would understand that. She was talking about how she knew someone that has to keep taking estrogen because their ovaries are not working or something like that, and how that person is feeling more pain than before taking estrogen. I didn't really get why she told me this, but I guess she thinks that estrogen=more pain=bad.

@veritatemfurto - Um...I'm not on HRT. I wish I was. My mom was just saying that the symptoms I experienced with the stomach flu will be the same/worse than the symptoms of going on HRT...at least, according to my mom, who doesn't seem to know anything about this thing anyway

Also, just saying...is there anything I can do to just put my dysphoria aside for a bit so that I can actually focus on life? At least until I'm 18? Because these days, I just feel like life is so empty and not worth living. I don't want to do hobbies I did before (I used to draw, and like it...but I haven't touched my drawing pad at home for weeks...and I still like drawing, yet I don't know why I don't do it). I just do things that make me...mindless? Is that how I should describe it? Like just watching TV and stuff. I don't even want to do homework. It just feels pointless.
I know that I will transition and live out my life eventually, but right now it feels like it will never happen.

Is there anything that could help me right now? I really need to put this aside and try to focus on studies and developing other things, so that I might go to a good college/university and get a job so I can transition and still get necessities. I keep getting distracted.

I've been trying all my life to find a way to ignore pain, you can't, you have to deal with it or it will remain apparent.