Why do I put myself through these mind screws I've already deemed too complex to accurately label?

But the answer remains, to me, dubious, so in the meantime my sexuality has been relabeled "queer-fluid with asexual and pansexual," perhaps with lithromantic undertones in regard to certain people.

And our next pondering - how do people relate sex to attraction? For me it's a tool (though the label doesn't match the feeling) - a tool for emotional intimacy and spiritual unions, unrelated to sexual attraction though at times used to sate sexual drives because nothing else will work. It's better for the first uses - they don't feel sexual in nature, despite by definition being so. Feels helluva lot more intimate when it's not just insert-peg-A-into-hole-B and proceed to orgasm - but instead for mutual intimacy and pleasure and trust, not even exclusive to a romantic relationship. Sex isn't necessary to feel content beside a partner over here - just a nice thing during certain circumstances. A tool.
*Shakes head* Not furthering that again, so I'm stopping myself before it happens. Also taking another long hiatus because every time I go on here, it's to escape from stupid life stuff and anything I post ends up rant-ish or ill-thought-out.

*Waves, ducks head* Everyone.

Quote from: Malachite on March 01, 2014, 07:50:16 PM
My sister texted the lady that was one of the leaders in the hospital cafeteria to see if perhaps I could get a job there and the lady said she would talk to her supervisor Monday.  We will see what happens.

Good luck!!

Quote from: Jamie D on March 02, 2014, 02:06:37 AM
Good luck!!

Thanks!  I really need a job so I can finally get started on my life.

My mom saw my bedroom and couldn't even find the words. Haha. She moves her finger around and goes "the rug.......needs to breathe." Like you could tell she was holding back a "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS HOW HARD IS THIS HOW CAN YOU LIVE THIS WAY."

Quote from: birkin on March 02, 2014, 02:00:16 PM
My mom saw my bedroom and couldn't even find the words. Haha. She moves her finger around and goes "the rug.......needs to breathe." Like you could tell she was holding back a "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS HOW HARD IS THIS HOW CAN YOU LIVE THIS WAY."

If she comes in wearing a Haz-Mat suit, you know you're in trouble, lol.

Haha, you'd almost think. All I can think of is the book about the Berenstein Bears having a messy room, and Mama Bear finally has had enough so she comes in with a big garbage bag and starts throwing all their toys and clothes into it. Brother and Sister are of course in tears and Papa tells Mama to calm down. So they get the kids some fancy boxing and shelving units so they can organize their toys better.

All the boxes in the world wouldn't help me because I just don't have the habit of putting things in their proper place.

I woke up at 2:30 p.m. after not sleeping at all last night and falling asleep at 7:00 a.m. I'm thinking I need to get up and eat something.

Quote from: birkin on March 02, 2014, 02:05:21 PM
Haha, you'd almost think. All I can think of is the book about the Berenstein Bears having a messy room, and Mama Bear finally has had enough so she comes in with a big garbage bag and starts throwing all their toys and clothes into it. Brother and Sister are of course in tears and Papa tells Mama to calm down. So they get the kids some fancy boxing and shelving units so they can organize their toys better.

All the boxes in the world wouldn't help me because I just don't have the habit of putting things in their proper place.

Hmm... in that case, you just need three large crates marked "stuff". Then you're golden.

Quote from: Mr Hockey on March 02, 2014, 02:10:54 PMI woke up at 2:30 p.m. after not sleeping at all last night and falling asleep at 7:00 a.m. I'm thinking I need to get up and eat something.

Sounds like me, started drifting my sleep back and back into the afternoon, but last night forced myself to stay up and bond over a glass of wine and a movie (that we were only partially paying attention to) with my new floormates until around 1.

Quote from: Sephirah on March 02, 2014, 02:12:26 PM
Hmm... in that case, you just need three large crates marked "stuff". Then you're golden.

Actually, I do plan to make a lot of boxes for "storage." I try to only keep things I use on a daily basis, but there's a few things that I think would be a bad idea to get rid of right now...so I'll put that stuff in boxes for now and that should help keep the mess more manageable. Maybe if I never open the boxes I will just give them away. But yeah, it will keep the bulk of the mess under control.

The cafeteria has weird hours for spring break, it closes in just over an hour and just reopened for dinner. It's too early for dinner, but I have to eat. I feel nasty so I want to shower. I'm going to have another dysphoric episode after though like always. And if I shave my legs (which I really want to) it'll hurt to wear pants for another 12 hours afterwards.

It's utterly impossible for me to even describe to my cis roommates how lucky they are that they can just walk out the door, nothing special, no makeup, hair all messy, whatever, and be perceived as female, while I have to put an awful lot of work into it to even have a chance of being perceived as female at all. I really don't care if I was the ugliest cis woman alive, I'd still be a cis woman, people would still call me miss, not sir, and honestly I wouldn't have to give two ->-bleeped-<-s about anything like I have to now.

Can I write 25 pages before noon tomorrow? That is the question.

Again thinking too much. Mostly about sex. Who needs it? Evidently, it's needed in a healthy relationship. I was told that and didn't believe it because I am different, I just want someone to complement and love me, maybe buy me flowers, I don't expect much. But then, last spring break happened. Everything I knew about relationships was utterly wrong. So damn naïve. I've never experienced one because I never knew how to go about it, being trans and all. Now is where today's thinking begins. It's expected that I provide my partner with sexual contact, at least with 99% of the population. The main reason I want SRS is so my clothes fit properly, that I can go swimming in a swimsuit of my gender without being embarrassed by an unsightly bulge. It just feels like I want to undergo an expensive procedure for "nothing," since I'd not really have a plan to actually use the new equipment. Should I look into just having it lopped off and no vaginoplasty done? Would that be cheaper? Would that be what I want? Would it suffice for a potential partner? Would anyone love me if I chose to do that?

Quote from: birkin on March 02, 2014, 05:32:01 PM
Can I write 25 pages before noon tomorrow? That is the question.

Easy. Now making them all decent...

Quote from: G:W:Y:N:N:E on March 02, 2014, 06:13:32 PM
Easy. Now making them all decent...

Haha, yes, that's the real question. That being said though, I have to be so deliberate with my words since it's theory, so that slows me down considerably and helps with quality control somewhat...

I learned today that my first high school girlfriend* recently came out as a lesbian and hooked up with a transwoman.

Small world coincidence or not? 

I think I'm an Anglophile.

Quote from: Mr Hockey on March 02, 2014, 06:44:06 PM
I think I'm an Anglophile.

Me too!

I love working class British culture.

Quote from: G:W:Y:N:N:E on March 02, 2014, 06:46:14 PM
Me too!

I love working class British culture.

It's strange; I never cared for Britain before dating my ex-girlfriend online who is English. Now, I'm obsessed with the culture and I don't think I can date anyone but someone from the U.K.  

Quote from: Mr Hockey on March 02, 2014, 06:44:06 PMI think I'm an Anglophile.

Soy una hispanophilla.