Thinking, thinking, too much, my brain is never inactive anymore, always thinking, never slowing down, I'm not tired, can't sleep, mind racing though all the if-then scenarios for the future, and if this had happened then this would be better scenarios too. Frustrated, frustrated at my dying motivation, my lack of direction. Feeling down about my lack of progress from what I promised to do. Also about the lack of what I was promised. About how all three people I ever loved never saw it and since I knew they weren't interested I never bothered, now I have to let that third one go and just be friends. About how even stuffing a bra to make up for my nonexistant breasts still makes me feel inadequate about my chest, wondering if I ever will feel it's adequate.
Worst of all, wondering if I'll fall into some nasty self destructive habits that I really don't want to fall into, but seem almost destined to.
Most of all, even though most everyone is back on the floor, I still feel uninvolved and detached from everyone because of my not wanting to partake in certain activities on moral grounds, and not being able to relate since the guys are guys and I only know the basics of being a girl.
