Why am I optimistic ? It hurts more when you're optimistic and bad things happen...
My teacher called my mom to talk with her about all this. And once again, he was calm and cool, and she was angry and stressed... And once again she started crying and shouting when we talked together. And she stills says shouts that I'm mentally ill, and that she would never let me go into transition... She also said "If only I had a real son, a real boy, that would be a bit more ignorant". I shouted that in fact all she wanted is a son like all the "normal" guys and that she wanted her children to be what she wants and not what they want. I ran away crying, and I saw that she had the biggest sadness I have ever seen in the eyes of somebody and she said me "All I got after nursing you is that ? Do all yourself now, and I'll never agree with you." ...
After that, while we were eating, my dad tried to begin speaking about this. He was super calm and cool, the exact opposite of my mom. He finally said that we will start searching for a therapist next week after I said that I didn't feel good in my body. While we talked, my mom didn't eat much and always looked elsewhere, like if I was an abomination, with tears in the eyes, and sometimes shouting something like "you find it normal to have a son that want to be a daughter ?" ...
In brief, if things don't go worth than they are, I'll start therapy soon. But I think I'll can start therapy, but when I'll be an adult and when I'll don't have to obey my mom...
