Quote from: Shantel on April 26, 2014, 11:23:07 AM
No really very compelling and sweet attributes! Sometimes we just can't fix other people's stuff, but being concerned is still what it's all about and quite admirable!
It's sweet of you to say that, but it doesn't make sense when you think about it. I don't know. I'm just doing a lot of introspection lately and trying to understand who I am. Sadly, having too much free time does that to me. But how can someone that doesn't know how to help themselves really help other people? I mean it's like a poor person giving advice on how to be a millionaire? Ultimately, that doesn't make sense. Perhaps the poor man cares about someone else's money problems, but can they really be part of the solution? I feel the same way when I try to offer advice or support here. And why is this so important to me? If it's really important to me isn't there a selfish component to it? Like someone cares about someone else because of how they feel on the inside? That's one of the reasons this bothers me because rather than it being altruistic, it's selfishness and evil. Caring about helping others in some way should be a noble and altruistic act. Yet, I don't think that's what leads me to care about other people's problems or try to help. For example, I feel compelled to start doing charity because I want some more in person social interaction (which I lack greatly and it hurts) and I always get a sense of self worth through helping others in some way. I've done volunteer work in the past and the social interaction made me feel less lonely and the fact that I was contributing something made me have some sense of self worth. I think it can very well help me feel better at this time as well, but that's the point, it's about ME again when it shouldn't be. Am I really concerned about other people in any sense or is this just an entirely selfish quality? I mean the result may or may not be a good thing, but the cause is pretty selfish and thus pretty evil when you think about it. And even if it's not selfish, what right does a screw up have to help other people or offer advice? Is there anything of substance to be offered? I don't know.
In any case, I'm just thinking at loud trying to understand what makes me tick and who I am as a person. I'm not looking to be cheered up or anything because I'm not sad. I'm actually feeling quite content and happy today. I just don't get me and want to understand who I am and why I am this way. the more I hink about it, everything takes me back to the need of approval or validation from other people in some way. It manifests in many ways, but it always comes back to how other people feel and never how I feel. It's bizarre and I wish I could understand who I am. And is there anything good for me to offer to this world? A potential emloyer? A potential lover? A potential friend or acquaintance? Or is everything inside me leading back to a broken and fragile child that needs everyone else's approval in some form or seeking a sense of validation that she didn't ever really get? Will she ever grow? I don't know.
I'm just thinking out loud and this forum is like my home, so forgive my ramblings as I just needed some place to put them.
