Hey there everyone,  Sarah here and I can't believe that I've never heard of these forums before.

I've semi-recently started on my search for myself as a MtF transgender, but seem to have gotten a bit stuck in a rut.

I'm pretty sure my history is pretty common,  I'm 27 years old and came out as MtF to my family last December.  I was met with pretty harsh negativity from my parents, but since I split rent and live with my two brothers, they can't really do anything besides be angry with me anymore.  My brothers are much more supportive, but are just really skeptical about me being able to accomplish something like this.

Through March-April, I was able to find a therapist that at least listed that he dealt with transgender issues.  I can't really tell how successful or unsuccessful this was since it was pretty much just him asking me how I was doing each week.  By the 3rd week he definitely agreed that I was definitely feeling some dysphoria due to my gender identity, but after a few months, and learning that the insurance provided by my place of work wouldn't cover anything, our sessions ended pretty promptly.  I also ended up going from my $35 co-pay to $150 a session which very quickly drained any savings I had.

At the end of our sessions, he wished that I had a bit more confidence with just going out in public more.  I always keep my hair nice and either use a neon pink or sky blue tie on it when at work, but that's about as far as I can go with my expression in public as it is right now.  Beside that, he was pretty confident that I could start moving forward with more medical forms of therapy.  At that point I just didn't feel like he knew what that was.  I really didn't have anything except a vague overview.  I figured I would have to get my current hormone levels tested to figure out exactly what sort of dosages would be required to put my hormones at a more appropriate level, but he just kinda agreed with everything I was saying, and I'm sure I have to be wrong about at least one or two things.  He didn't even really question about self-medding, just that it would be preferable if I could go with a prescription.

While I was going to this therapist, I was working full-time as a clerk at a hardware store owned by my family.  My stress and depression levels were through the roof.  Obviously it's a very masculine oriented environment, based in a very conservative town, and I had to be around both my parents who had nothing positive to say to me ever.  I was able to stick it out for a while because I felt like I was moving closer to transitioning, and was hoping the insurance would help with the financial issues a bit.  After four weeks of feeling like I was moving nowhere as far as my therapist went, and learning that the insurance would not cover anything.  I started having full break-downs at work and it got to the point where I just could not handle working full-time.  I moved to three days a week which helped the depression quite a bit.

This whole situation happened about a month ago and really shook me up, but now things are starting to just smooth out and become more routine, which may not exactly be a good thing.  In the past, before I came out to my family, I used to just keep my real self to online interactions.  It let me be more expressive and just let me drop my stress levels after ramping it up at work for a few days.  Back then I always just figured I'd just have to live with this and never be able to do anything besides just be myself online, and take on a male persona when out in public.  Obviously this results in me spending most if not all of my free time in my room on the internet.  I just find that this prevents me from ever attempting a full time job again since I know exactly how the stress and depression will build up again.   Even though I'm feeling kinda fine at the moment, I know in the past that the depression will still build up even though I only work three days a week, so I know I need to move forward with this before I get to that point again.

So that brings me to here where I was hoping to find some advice on where I can really go from here.  I do have a bit of expendable income at the moment, but without insurance I don't know how to approach any sort of medical situation without getting devastating bills in the mail. ($1k-2k)  I'm pretty sure I could get a note from my therapist that he agrees that I have gender dysphoria, I just really don't know where I'm supposed to go from there.

Hi Sarah! Yes, your story is so much like all here, so we know how you feel. The good thing is you are no longer alone in dealing with them as we are here for you. Come to us on good as well as bad days and we will support you and offer advice if we can.

I found my Therapist at Oklahoma State University and they charge only $10.00 a session in most cases, so check with your local College or University and see if they have a Psychology Department. Mine is a true Gender Therapist who has experience with assisting people through transition. You do not even have to be a student. The good Therapist will take time to make sure transition is right for you and goes smoothly.

Hey Sarah!

Welcome to Susan's    Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.

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Cheers

Grace

Thanks for the welcome and the links,

My therapist was actually on the University of Oregon campus, but he still was charging $150 a visit.  I looked around and he was the only person I could find that even touches it, and it looked like he just kinda checked it on his list but doesn't actually deal with it at all.

Maybe someone here might know of a person I can go to for more medical help rather than psychological in Eugene, OR, but so far my searches have turned up nothing.

I was also told before that if I was to start up on HRT that I should do it as soon as possible because of my age.  Since I'm 27 at the moment, they said that at about age 30 our bodies don't respond to the hormone changes as well as if I started it now.

i have a suggesting. learn all you can on gender dysphoria and at least see someone to talk about what you are feeling at the same time teach them if they arent familiar with this. i hear same times thats the best option and you can still get a letter out of it if it comes down to it. my seconday therapist works at the regional hospital and isnt part of the WPATH society but i can still get a letter out of him if need be. basically they just need to be competent enough to tell dysphoria from psych illnesses. i hope that helped a little though did go on ramble and might of not explained my point clearly lol

You can still, often, get therapy covered by having it coded as depression, which you obviously do suffer from. Perhaps ask if your therapist will code it that way.

If he is willing to write you a letter recommending HRT, search for a endo or even a regular doctor to prescribe hormones. That doctor will take blood tests and go from there. Insurance will often cover it as a hormonal imbalance rather than GID. Again, talk to your doctor about it if you have worries of that nature.

If we know what area you are in, perhaps someone here may know who you can go to.

Thanks, my therapist has his doctorate, so I'm sure if he chooses to he can give a letter.  I can't call him today, but I'll definitely give him a call tomorrow after work.  Through our sessions he didn't disagree once that I was transgender, but he just wanted to see me do things like crossdress in public before moving too much further with this, and I really just don't view myself as a crossdresser.  I really don't want to be dressing as female in public until I'm a decent ways towards passing.  If he says no I guess I'm just back at square one except having blown half a years savings.

As far as where I live, it's a small town on the Oregon Coast.  The nearest large city is Eugene, OR which is 60 miles away.  It's pretty easy for me to drive there without losing too much money in gas.  The next nearest city is Portland, OR which is much larger, but it's 200 miles away which makes it a heavy expense both financially and mentally.  Giving my mind a lot of time to itself while driving tends to make it swing towards depressive thoughts.

Well, I guess I just need to call him and hope for the best,  I'll definitely reply back here with his response.

Quote from: _Sarah_ on May 18, 2014, 01:38:16 PM
they said that at about age 30 our bodies don't respond to the hormone changes as well as if I started it now.

Don't let my body hear that! I started at 47 years old and here is my before. Now, think they won't work past 30?

I live 90 miles outside a city. I am able to see my therapist through Skype. Maybe this is an option for you. Also, are there any trans support groups in Eugene? I found my therapist through a trans support group.

I wish I could help with information but I live up in Portland. If you can't get anything to work in Eugene I could give you a few contacts up here that seem to be really cool people, and there is the QCenter as well. My husband and I are having insurance issues as well which sucks but there are doctors who will find a way to help people that are screwed over by money/lack of INS. I hope you can find someone close to you that will work with you so you don't end up without care of footing enormous medical bills. Oh and nearly forgot for a long time my husband had things coded for depression so that option totally can work!