K, as a wife to a newly "outed" tg, I hear you loud and clear. Identical feelings too. It's taken a fair amount of work to get to the "Whew, I think I'm kinda ok for this moment.". The feelings of uncertainty and loss will be there. I vacillate from being ok to not in mere seconds depending on my own hormone levels and what my partner is doing.
Re: shopping trip, I discovered some problems too after our first trip. Having us there to cover for them while shopping doesn't hide their shame at trying to be themselves but feel like they're being judged. My partner would hide things under other things in the cart even though they might've been things that I would buy. After a few trips, this started to disappear so you both have that to look forward to.
When it comes to the computer, I have chosen to look at it this way: he has his friends and I have mine. Sharing his haul is one way to dish about something feminine. I'll admit that I do that with my girlfriends when I manage to snag a superb purse! The other part of these new friends online is that they have a unique experience that they jointly share. I KNOW, how frustrating and isolating it is. One moment you have your husband who you know almost better than he knows himself and you are the best friends ever. Next, there is this other person and she is someone who looks familiar and feels familiar but is foreign and hard to be with (somedays more than others). Just as he's/she's found a new support network, use yours. As much as you might say this hasn't anything to do with you, it SO does.
When they tell us what is going on inside, our world as we know it, ceases to be. We learn to adjust for what goes on now and hopefully helps us learn to cope eith what comes in the future. Take the time you need to grieve for the future you thought you would have together and regroup for what it might be. Talk to your own friends. Those friends are the ones we'll gripe to about how absurd we feel in our positions and they will ground us in the knowledge that our worlds are jyst slightly more tilted now, not entirely upside down despite how we feel.
Crying helps. Doesn't matter if you do it alone, at a sappy movie, or in someone's comforting arms, but do. It helps relieve some of the emotional pressure. Then I, personally, think that you want to sit down and think of yourself. YOU are a part of the partnership. YOU deserve to have support, YOU deserve to be heard, and YOU deserve to be cared for as well.
How you want to proceed is up to you. Our partners can ask for our support, I have chosen to do the harder task, stand strong, stay here whatever the future may hold. I don't think leaving is the easy road, but a slightly less hard road. Walking away means that you feel that there is some other future for you that you don't forsee being in a partnership with your current pne is all. Changing genders aside, splits happen.
The last thing I wanted to sort of pass on is that life does settle down. The intensity won't always be set at blazing (ie. Wanting to rush into the hormones and things.) I think too, that once we hear of this need yo change genders that we forget that our partners still have fairly masculine thought-patterns. That is to say that, they don't think anywhere near like we do. Even full-on hormones doesn't change the thought pathways. Rushing through choices, not always thinking of others, and possible consequences (sorry, these are generalizations taken from a few tg friends!) I sadly have to say, is common as they are in the cis guys. Eventually, our lives settled into a slightly altered pattern and our problems now are your run-of-the-mill marriage/relationship types. (Guy thinking vs my thinking, usually!)
Sorry about the wall of text but I think I covered most of it!
