Yeah. So am I. I've tried to talk to legal aids and so on, but in the end, they are the authority, so what they say goes. Whether it's appropriate or not. Unfortunately, I have tried to like myself, but because of my personality, how others feel about me, and perceive me, gets dumped onto me, and it's how I end up being, to an even more extreme point. I just can't get past the fact that I'm stuck in the middle of a spectrum that I was never supposed to be on in the first place, and it will never change. I'll never be cis. It kills my soul. I guess I deserve it, and it's better than being chronically physically abused every day for not being cis. I just wish that something could give me some kind of relief and get me away from this cruel world, but I know nothing will. I have a vast history of overdose and suicide attempts, nothing was ever done about it, the response was always "Oh, we can't do anything for you, because we can't help with that gender identity stuff". Yeah, I know. I wanted to die, not to be told something I've heard since I was a child. In some cruel ways, I wish I was still being physically abused, at least then the pain would actually be real to other people, and not "just in my head". I've given up on myself, I did a long time ago. But I've also learnt that I'll never get what I need the most, so I'm just stuck here. I just lost my younger brother last year, he was trans* as well, I could see maybe I'd feel better by helping him get where he needed to be, but I was just hopeless, and he passed away instead. I try to tell myself I do most of what I do out of respect for him, maybe he can see it somehow. Sorry, that's pathetic. I'll shut up.
