The more time goes on, I'm feeling that being transgender is not the enemy. If I see someone I know is an MtF, I'm just glad I know because someone who looks like they came right out of utero 100% female, I'm not so sure.

I went into a video game store with my son today and the clerk who helped us was a trans girl.  I immediately thought of this thread.

I clocked her in 5 seconds, but only because I know what to look for and have trans stuff on my brain 24/7 right now.  Her presentation was really good...definitely past male fail and well on her way to blending in.  And her voice was impressive.

I really wanted to compliment her in some way...then I realized that saying nothing and treating her like a normal nerdy girl working in a video game store was really the best compliment I could give.

Quote from: katiej on August 17, 2014, 12:58:54 AM
I really wanted to compliment her in some way...then I realized that saying nothing and treating her like a normal nerdy girl working in a video game store was really the best compliment I could give.

This makes you amazing!!! Reading this made my night

Quote from: Hikari on August 17, 2014, 01:13:44 AM

Quote from: katiej on August 17, 2014, 12:58:54 AM
I really wanted to compliment her in some way...then I realized that saying nothing and treating her like a normal nerdy girl working in a video game store was really the best compliment I could give.

This makes you amazing!!! Reading this made my night

Agreed. I'd hope someone would treat me this way if they ever realised I was trans, fellow trans or not.

Quote from: katiej on August 17, 2014, 12:58:54 AM
I went into a video game store with my son today and the clerk who helped us was a trans girl.  I immediately thought of this thread.

I clocked her in 5 seconds, but only because I know what to look for and have trans stuff on my brain 24/7 right now.  Her presentation was really good...definitely past male fail and well on her way to blending in.  And her voice was impressive.

I really wanted to compliment her in some way...then I realized that saying nothing and treating her like a normal nerdy girl working in a video game store was really the best compliment I could give.

Curious, what was it about her that gave her away? A physical feature or something about her body language? Her movements? Did you sense confidence? Did she look at you in the eyes or kept them downward?

Shoulders, hips, hands, facial features...basically the stuff we can't change.  But her presentation was really good.  Voice was perfect, mannerisms completely female, good eye contact.  She was very comfortable as herself. 

The overall package was good enough that I doubt she gets clocked very often.  As Grace said recently, most people have the mantra "I'm cis, you're cis, everyone is cis."  So unless something major is out of place, the vast majority just assume everything is normal.  So this girl would easily blend in now. And given a bit more time on HRT, even we'd have a hard time clocking her.

I've discovered that, for myself at least, choice of clothing goes a long way towards whether I am clocked or not. I have a few tube skirts that I adore and they show off my slowly budding figure with the right top. And I am almost never clocked wearing those. However, a pair of women's jeans? Completely different story. I get looks and I'm pretty sure I've been clocked that way before.

I am hoping that further weight loss will change that but at the same time I love skirts and dresses anyway so if that's my best bet in terms of presentation, I won't be put off by it.

I'd encourage others to think about altering presentation a bit to de-emphasize some of the male aspects we can't change. A bracelet on the wrists, a ring or two, clothing that complements your appearance. Experiment and find what works for you.

As for people in public, when I see someone I am pretty sure is trans, I say nothing, except when I am at trans centric events (like our city trans support group's monthly socials). There we can talk freely because most of us know one another and we're there for a reason related to us being trans.

I probably shouldn't even comment here because I don't pass and never will, frankly it has never been important to me. But I do have acute trans-dar and clock all sorts both male and female types and would never outwardly acknowledge their trans-ness. Only one time did I see a darling young trans woman working in a shoe store, she smiled at me because of course she had clocked me instantly and I winked at her and that was the extent of my public acknowledgement of any trans person. There are some trans-women who are trying to pass and are having a miserable time of it walking like a man with long strides and feet shoulder width apart, body language that is obviously male. Something inside me says that it would be nice to help them correct those deficits, but I keep quiet and go about my business, they will have to figure it out for themselves.

Quote from: Shantel on August 17, 2014, 12:35:58 PM
There are some trans-women who are trying to pass and are having a miserable time of it walking like a man with long strides and feet shoulder width apart, body language that is obviously male. Something inside me says that it would be nice to help them correct those deficits, but I keep quiet and go about my business, they will have to figure it out for themselves.

That's probably for the best.  Your advice would be valuable, but it could damage their self confidence...however unrealistic it is.

If I see a real cutey that I was sure was trans, I might actually approach them, except in a more amorous way.

No seriously, if I see someone who I think I might actually connect with, I would chat it up. We already have some level of rapport.

There is another transwoman here in town and I've had my former manager and her daughter say something about the transwoman's behavior and attitude and they said that it was odd and that they've never seen me be the same way. I took it as a compliment.

And I don't try to clock anyone, although there are a couple people that have been in the store regularly that I couldn't really tell you if they were male or female.

^^ Interesting point. Would anyone here clock a trans woman who was acting "obnoxiously" trans?

Quote from: katiej on August 17, 2014, 12:58:54 AM
I went into a video game store with my son today and the clerk who helped us was a trans girl.  I immediately thought of this thread.

I clocked her in 5 seconds, but only because I know what to look for and have trans stuff on my brain 24/7 right now.  Her presentation was really good...definitely past male fail and well on her way to blending in.  And her voice was impressive.

I really wanted to compliment her in some way...then I realized that saying nothing and treating her like a normal nerdy girl working in a video game store was really the best compliment I could give.

If I may ask, what was it that immediately made you think she was trans??

I have come across a few that after I knew, I noticed some of the traits I at first brushed off as just a women having some muscular traits....and I've noticed some immediately because of some of the same traits, but the voice, height and overall build usually gave them away sooner.....and then there are some, that are because of the over exaggeration of femininity!!

I am stealth and one of the reasons I am is because if I wasn't, I am positive everyone would look for any manly traits I may still have.....and it wouldn't be that hard if looking closely.

I honestly don't think anyone would....trans or not. Or maybe I'm just lucky it never happened before....since I have heard about some that have been outed publicly.

I don't worry much about passing these days.....hell if I can go to a water park and pass thousands of strangers in a string bikini bottom then I think I must be doing something right. On the other hand it does depress me that I have no cleavage or butt to speak of...and that does set me apart from 95% of all the other women (and children!!). Sure I do get a glance here and there, and I am a bit more conscious of looks I may receive.....but I remember some of the looks in my in-between stage so I know what type looks to look for.

Some of the looks I was getting were down below, it was only after I switched to a different bottom because the halter string for the top of my other suite broke.....I thought it may be because I was coming undone. I'm not sure why I seem to get a couple of looks then and not before with a different bottom! The second one was a bit smaller so maybe it was that....I definitely know I wasn't coming undone. Thank God....since my bottom ended up coming off at the end of one of the water slides!!!

Shelly, it was the broad shoulders, big hands, lack of hips, and slightly man-ish facial features that gave her away.  Basically the stuff that she can't really change.  But her voice and overall presentation were spot on.  So I doubt she gets clocked very often.  I just know what to look for and am thinking about trans issues 24/7 these days.

The only place where I consistently clock people are at my endo appointments.

Other than that, even if I do notice, I mentally acknowledge that person and go on my way.  I do quickly catalogue what is and isn't working in that persons presentation, but I don't stare.

What had me scratching my head once was getting served by a guy in the menswear department once.  Flamboyant gay speaking voice so to speak, and full femme makeup on (really nicely done as well).  Was kind of awesome in how he didn't give a stuff, but I worried about how long he'd last at the job.

Quote from: Evelyn K on August 17, 2014, 04:16:06 PM
^^ Interesting point. Would anyone here clock a trans woman who was acting "obnoxiously" trans?

Are you asking if we'd notice them or if we'd say something?  If it's a stranger with no other connection, I'd probably mind my own business in either case.  But it would be different if I had a real reason to talk with them and open up.  I tend to go into parent mode with people who need help.  My kids are young (the oldest is 12), but age isn't really the issue.  I can assume the role of parent with just about anyone who is in need of some parenting...if you know what I mean. 

Quote from: katiej on August 17, 2014, 11:02:10 PM
Are you asking if we'd notice them or if we'd say something?  If it's a stranger with no other connection, I'd probably mind my own business in either case.  But it would be different if I had a real reason to talk with them and open up.  I tend to go into parent mode with people who need help.  My kids are young (the oldest is 12), but age isn't really the issue.  I can assume the role of parent with just about anyone who is in need of some parenting...if you know what I mean. 

Sure do Katie. On rare occasions I'll do the same thing^^___^^ Momma Ali! But I would talk to her only after she was out of the public's eye for I wouldn't want to draw attention to her or embarras her in any way, only help her if I'm able.

Ali

To answer the question that titles the thread, sometimes I think one, and sometimes, the other.

Some people do not care if they are clocked, some people try too hard to pass.

I know I draw very little attention any more, even in the day time, until I open my mouth... but I like to talk. I do my best to dress my age and appropriately.

I am not the girliest thing on the planet and I do not often wish I was.

To blend in, it helps to not draw attention.

I fully expect my fellow trans folk to clock me more easily. I expect I can do the same to them. And sometimes, my mind is blown. Someone does not have to be hot to pass.

I get clocked by the good. I am very passable and the only thing that gives me away sometimes is my mannerisms as they are a bit "gay" but I do get clocked for my beauty, my breast implants and just my demeanor.