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Open apology to all.

Started by Jessica Merriman, September 23, 2014, 03:04:12 PM

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Taka

it's always best to choose one's words carefully, read through one's post three times before posting it, make sure it is on topic or at least relevant to the discussion, not aggressive in any way, that you've gotten the point the op is trying to make and are only answering to that, and all kinds of other things.

i don't think any of us do that all the time.
and it's understandable that being triggered when already struggling with other stuff and having a rough week, can make you less cautious than you ideally should be.

it took a longer time than necessary to learn the reason why you reacted so much to the topic of binary privilege, but i understand it is not because of you trying to be difficult. it's often harder to make one's point when triggered, and i know i have made much more offensive posts when i've been triggered on other places. gets personal when the misunderstanding is with a friend...
yeah, your posts weren't even offensive, just seemed not to contribute to the topic until you managed to explain where you came from.

your apology is accepted, you are forgiven.
i love you just as much as anyone else here, and wish you happiness both now and in the future.
as well as many good, educational, and uplifting conversations here.
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Dread_Faery

Understanding what I do now, I'm sorry that I triggered you, I don't go out of my way to do that to people.

I also commend you on getting involved in a discussion you found to be extremely uncomfortable, once we'd got past initial defensiveness it's actually gone somewhere useful.

Finally, we all ---k up, it's part of being human. You're doing the right thing, reflecting on what happened and moving forward with new understanding. That's good and healthy  :)
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EchelonHunt

Jessica, it is understandable, I used to suffer from PTSD, still occasionally get bouts of it from time to time but having barriers in place, knowing your limits can help immensely to combat the triggers or at the very least, allow enough warning to escape the situation to recover gently in the comfort of one's own room. But sometimes, such warnings can arrive too late and as a result, triggers can appear everywhere and without warning.

If may I ask: What will happen the next time and the time after that? I hope I am not the only one who is seeing that this isn't a healthy cycle. The displays of sympathy in the thread are understandable as you have been triggered but some of the responses appear to be coddling you and shifting the blame onto others in the community - this is alarming. Pointing the finger isn't appropriate, nor should it be encouraged on a support site such as Susan's.

What will happen when apologies and begging for forgiveness lose all meaning because it has been said too many times before..?

I do not know you personally but from what I have learned, I am deeply concerned for you, Jessica. I worry about the patterns arising, I wish I could help you, shoulder all your pain and burdens myself so you won't have to suffer, but as much as I want to, I cannot.

Do you have a support network outside of Susan's? Do you have a list of things you can do to help ground yourself when you are being triggered or feeling close to it? Do you have anyone you can trust to call if grounding yourself doesn't work? Can you trust yourself to 'x' out of the topic the next time you feel you are being triggered or at the very least, bring it to the community's attention sooner than later so they can react accordingly?

Are you seeing a therapist and have they been notified of this incident? It is vitally important to reach out - yes, I'm aware Susan's is a support website but it shouldn't be the only form of support, that can be very lonely. Brushing the problem under the rug instead of directly dealing with it isn't going to fix anything to stop the potential this cycle has from repeating itself over again.

What can we do to ensure that the pattern doesn't repeat itself again? What measures can we put into place to make sure that you and us, the community are able to be more prepared next time? Please, tell us - give any suggestions possible. I want to help and I'm sure many others do so as well.

I am relieved that you have understood what your actions have done and I hope this will be a step in the right direction - I look forward to having many more discussions with you and others. I hope one day you will join us in the forest again, to laugh and smile once again. I accept your apology and I apologize in advance if I have offended or upset you with this response. You are loved by many of us here, myself included and I hate the thought of losing you or anyone else here.

Please be well,

Jacey  :icon_bunch:
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FrancisAnn

We should all be able to speak on how we feel. How can we all learn from each other if we do not state our acccurate feelings. We are all here to help each other are we not? Let's all be nice to each other & help each other with our lives.
mtF, mid 50's, always a girl since childhood, HRT (Spiro, E & Fin.) since 8-13. Hormone levels are t at 12 & estrogen at 186. Face lift & eye lid surgery in 2014. Abdominoplasty/tummy tuck & some facial surgery May, 2015. Life is good for me. Love long nails & handsome men! Hopeful for my GRS & a nice normal depth vagina maybe by late summer. 5' 8", 180 pounds, 14 dress size, size 9.5 shoes. I'm kind of an elegant woman & like everything pink, nice & neet. Love my nails & classic Revlon Red. Moving back to Florida, so excited but so much work moving
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Jessica Merriman

Quote from: EchelonHunt on September 25, 2014, 07:09:17 AM
If may I ask: What will happen the next time and the time after that? I hope I am not the only one who is seeing that this isn't a healthy cycle. The displays of sympathy in the thread are understandable as you have been triggered but some of the responses appear to be coddling you and shifting the blame onto others in the community - this is alarming. Pointing the finger isn't appropriate, nor should it be encouraged on a support site such as Susan's.

What will happen when apologies and begging for forgiveness lose all meaning because it has been said too many times before..?

Looks like I can't even do the right thing when I apologize as well. I never asked to be coddled only for people to understand I am far from perfect. I see now this is not enough. Maybe Ativan was right.  :'(
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EchelonHunt

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on September 25, 2014, 07:35:01 AM
Looks like I can't even do the right thing when I apologize as well. I never asked to be coddled only for people to understand I am far from perfect. I see now this is not enough. Maybe Ativan was right.  :'(

What I mean from not a healthy cycle is not that you came forward and apologized - that is a good thing! What I mean is that this is the second time you have become upset in the forum and posted an apology, last time, you were even going to leave Susan's altogether and gave the impression you had given up, that's how bad it got. Now it is happening again for a second time and I worry - what if it will happen again and what if it's worse next time when it could be prevented from happening...? That is what I mean.

Jessica, I never said you asked to be coddled. I simply said I was alarmed by those who appear to be coddling you in this thread. I know you are far from perfect and I have accepted your apology - I have specified if there are any suggestions as how we can help you more. Sympathy and support are one thing but we need to have more than that - a plan. A carefully thought out plan to ensure that you can be safe and that if you are not, that there are support networks you can contact outside of the forum.

I do not know what Ativan has said but they have been letting their emotions and anger get to them lately. Whatever they have said, I'm positively sure, they spoke in the heat of the moment. It doesn't make them right, I assure you. Do not let Ativan's words get to you.

If I was not worried beforehand, I am even more worried now.     
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Mark3

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on September 25, 2014, 07:35:01 AM
Looks like I can't even do the right thing when I apologize as well. I never asked to be coddled only for people to understand I am far from perfect. I see now this is not enough. Maybe Ativan was right.  :'(

Oh I'm going to have to spank you.!!!  :P

No second guessing yourself.!
No apologizing.!
No feeling bad.!

You rock.!
You're awesome.!

Bottom line.!
<3


"The soul is beyond male and female as it is beyond life and death."
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♥︎ SarahD ♥︎

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on September 25, 2014, 07:35:01 AM
Looks like I can't even do the right thing when I apologize as well. I never asked to be coddled only for people to understand I am far from perfect. I see now this is not enough. Maybe Ativan was right.  :'(

Aww, Jess hunni, that's not what Echelon is saying.  They're saying they're worried about you and want to help make sure you're safe.  A sentiment I'd like to echo myself, especially now that I know this isn't the first time something like this has happened :(

Please let us know if there's anything we can do to help you out here.  You don't have to face this alone. <3 *hugs* <3
*Hugs*
"You never find the path to your true self, but rather - you find your true self along the path"
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