Jessica, it is understandable, I used to suffer from PTSD, still occasionally get bouts of it from time to time but having barriers in place, knowing your limits can help immensely to combat the triggers or at the very least, allow enough warning to escape the situation to recover gently in the comfort of one's own room. But sometimes, such warnings can arrive too late and as a result, triggers can appear everywhere and without warning.
If may I ask: What will happen the next time and the time after that? I hope I am not the only one who is seeing that this isn't a healthy cycle. The displays of sympathy in the thread are understandable as you have been triggered but some of the responses appear to be coddling you and shifting the blame onto others in the community - this is alarming. Pointing the finger isn't appropriate, nor should it be encouraged on a support site such as Susan's.
What will happen when apologies and begging for forgiveness lose all meaning because it has been said too many times before..?
I do not know you personally but from what I have learned, I am deeply concerned for you, Jessica. I worry about the patterns arising, I wish I could help you, shoulder all your pain and burdens myself so you won't have to suffer, but as much as I want to, I cannot.
Do you have a support network outside of Susan's? Do you have a list of things you can do to help ground yourself when you are being triggered or feeling close to it? Do you have anyone you can trust to call if grounding yourself doesn't work? Can you trust yourself to 'x' out of the topic the next time you feel you are being triggered or at the very least, bring it to the community's attention sooner than later so they can react accordingly?
Are you seeing a therapist and have they been notified of this incident? It is vitally important to reach out - yes, I'm aware Susan's is a support website but it shouldn't be the only form of support, that can be very lonely. Brushing the problem under the rug instead of directly dealing with it isn't going to fix anything to stop the potential this cycle has from repeating itself over again.
What can we do to ensure that the pattern doesn't repeat itself again? What measures can we put into place to make sure that you and us, the community are able to be more prepared next time? Please, tell us - give any suggestions possible. I want to help and I'm sure many others do so as well.
I am relieved that you have understood what your actions have done and I hope this will be a step in the right direction - I look forward to having many more discussions with you and others. I hope one day you will join us in the forest again, to laugh and smile once again. I accept your apology and I apologize in advance if I have offended or upset you with this response. You are loved by many of us here, myself included and I hate the thought of losing you or anyone else here.
Please be well,
Jacey
