im still trying to discover if i should be looking for a genetic female, str8t male, cross dresser or another women such as myself - so far i lean towards another women such as myself, at least we would have something in common - dont get me wrong, cause im not looking at all, its just too disappointing - i get my hopes up then nothing, which makes it hard on my confidence and im so tired of of being disappointed...
i seem to be more happy when im not looking, so i just figure if it happens then great and what a glorious day it would be to feel love again - the last love was a genetic female when i first came out - she was kewl with me being transgendered, but when i showed her by shaving my legs and put on a pair of panties it hit her hard with reality and her commit was, im so sorry but i need a mans man and left me...
thats when i did something really stupid and went on drinking benge at a gay bar in fresno and got raped and brutally tortured - thats when i hit the bottom hard, if it wasnt for my family i dont know what i would of done or where i would be at this point...
so now a days i just say to hell with it and pray that i wont be alone for ever, till then im happy with the way it is...
the being raped thing is a thread i really need to start, dangers of dating wackoos at a bar...