I am so confused. For all of my life i have wanted to be a girl and for all of my life i have followed that dream. I felt as though i was on a single track. I was focused. But recently i met this girl and she is amazing. She is a bit of an oddball being under 5 foot tall, but every thing i brought up that i like she liked and vice versa. It was as if we were a perfect match. No matter if one of us is in a bad mood we can easily make one another feel better by just being in their presence. But i don't know if she would be accepting of the whole MTF thing. I don't know if she would still like me after that.

So the question that i keep asking myself over and over is do i continue on my path to be a woman or do i halt in my tracks and go for the girl. If only i could be who i wanted to be while being with the one that i wanted most.

I dont know if this is a question or if it is just venting. But what are some things that come to your mind. Please share with me so that i can maybe take a look at this from another angle.

Just be aware that if you stop transition and things work out for you two, you risk forming resentment against her later for stopping your transition. Gender Dysphoria never goes away and only gets worse every single year. I would wait for the right time myself just before things get a little more serious and have a long talk with her. She will either accept you or not, but at least you will be honest with her. Don't set yourself up for future heart break and losing any family or children that could come along in case your Dysphoria roars back intensely. 

You have to be loved as you are and not as someone else thinks you ought to be.

Ask anyone who halted in their tracks and went for the girl 20 years ago, and ended up with a family and a career that now make transition impossible.

Don't see her as a trap but don't hold yourself to be something you're not for her sake. 

I think the need to transition would come back later. You would  be hurting her a lot more by having to tell her then and maybe regret not having followed up now.

Life sucks...

Quote from: Alice Bracken on October 14, 2014, 06:56:11 PM
Life sucks...

have you thought about therapy

Quote from: stephaniec on October 14, 2014, 06:58:53 PM
have you thought about therapy

The only Gender friendly therapist around is over an hour away. I live out in the country. And when i have gone before i kind of freeze up and cant talk. and when i do manage to stumble something out it usually is not understandable.

There's no harm in getting to know her better. Her acceptance of your transness would seem an important factor to me (especially in the long run). Maybe you could just continue to get to know her, and know that eventually you will tell her or slowly get her to realize on her own.

If it feels right to be with her, that's a good thing. Just don't put yourself at risk by lying about stuff to save face. If she's ultimately un-accepting of trans stuff in the end, then she's probably not worth your time anyway

Good advice from Jenny.

Quote from: Alice Bracken on October 14, 2014, 06:37:30 PM
I am so confused. For all of my life i have wanted to be a girl and for all of my life i have followed that dream. I felt as though i was on a single track. I was focused. But recently i met this girl and she is amazing. She is a bit of an oddball being under 5 foot tall, but every thing i brought up that i like she liked and vice versa. It was as if we were a perfect match. No matter if one of us is in a bad mood we can easily make one another feel better by just being in their presence. But i don't know if she would be accepting of the whole MTF thing. I don't know if she would still like me after that.

So the question that i keep asking myself over and over is do i continue on my path to be a woman or do i halt in my tracks and go for the girl. If only i could be who i wanted to be while being with the one that i wanted most.

I dont know if this is a question or if it is just venting. But what are some things that come to your mind. Please share with me so that i can maybe take a look at this from another angle.

I used love as an excuse to delay transition once. Almost 10 years later I got dumped and now I'm 30 and only a few months into HRT. If you put your happiness in the hands of other people there's a good chance they'll drop it and then you'll be right where you are now only much older. Plus if the person doesn't love you for who you really are the whole thing would be a bit of a sham. I don't know what stage of transition you're at or how in the closet you are but if you trust her enough to tell her or if it wouldn't ruin your life if she told other people then maybe you should tell her who you really are? If it's meant to be she'll still like you and if not then perhaps it's better to know now?

Sometimes it can seem much easier to not transition and just find happiness where you can but we can't truly know love and happiness until we're open and honest about who we are... not that it's inevitable even then but at least there's a good chance.

I would suggest you not guess what she might feel, say or think before talking with her on the subject of gender, transitioning etc  At the least you two may be very very good friends for a long time - -SweetJean

I tried to play "him" for over thirty years. Three adult children and five grandkids later, I still ended up at the end of my rope facing suicide. In the end my "bell rang" and I couldn't avoid it at all. And in choosing to live, following the advice of both my physician and my therapist, two of my adult children want nothing to do with me, do not let me see their children (my grandkids), and my spouse accused me of lying to her and wants a divorce once she finishes going back to school. And the things she said tell me she never truly loved me anyway.

Was it worth it? Looking back I can resoundingly say hell no.

Don't become me. Don't find yourself being forced to transition when you're in your forties or fifties. Don't regret much of your life as those you loved and sacrificed for suddenly despise you.

Tell her who you are and what you intend. If she still is interested in you, then go ahead. And if she's not, you've just saved yourself and her immense heartbreak.

Quote from: LizMarie on October 15, 2014, 10:16:13 AM
I tried to play "him" for over thirty years. Three adult children and five grandkids later, I still ended up at the end of my rope facing suicide. In the end my "bell rang" and I couldn't avoid it at all. . .

Alice, I personally would urge you to read Liz's post very carefully and think it over.  You're wondering whether you should get yourself in the same position that so many transpeople have got themselves in before, particularly transpeople of my generation.  They meet someone they like and they wonder if they can put their transgender nature on the back burner.  And I think it's a rare person who doesn't eventually discover that there's simply no profit, no happiness to be found in putting it there.

We transpeople are so often caught between the hardest of rocks and the hardest of hard places: be trans or be in a relationship?  If you go into a relationship without letting your partner know you're trans or having promised her that you'll keep your trans nature within limits, then you could be setting yourself up for some very hard times.  Your trans nature is very likely to come back to the top where it cannot be suppressed any more, and when that happens, your spouse won't be happy.  She'll say you lied to her, you deceived her, you betrayed her: "I didn't sign up for this!"  There are lots of women out there who are bitterly angry at husbands who late in the day revealed that they were trans.

It's not impossible of course to be yourself and be in a relationship.  There are lots of transpeople who have good relationships.  But I think the pre-requisite is complete openness and honesty from the start.  If your current prospective partner can't accept the fact that you're trans, then she simply can't.  And if she can't do it today, it's not likely she'll be able to some years up the road.

I agree with you: life often sucks.  A rock and a hard place.  It can be hard for us transpeople to find accepting and supportive partners.  But I don't think it likely that trying to keep things under wraps will work out in the long run.  Like Liz, I wasted a lot of years of my life not being myself.  When you're young, it's probably impossible to foresee what that will mean to you when you're older.  I have a lot of regrets, and I would hate to see young transpeople of today ending up in my position with the same regrets.

Best wishes,
Foxglove

Ultimately our capacity for love, is limited by our love for who we are.

My advice, is pursue them both, if she isn't accepting, pick yourself. After all in 10 years you will still have to deal with you, but you might not be dealing with her.

I'm in that category.  I married the girl 32 years ago, and have a wonderful 27 year old daughter. Watching her grow up was very satisfying.  I felt a bit like Moses, seeing the children of Israel make it to the promised land I might never know.

I also found that having a woman in my bed all these years was very satisfying.  I may not have had the right body, but she was willing to share hers with me.  If you are gynephyilic (woman loving), it is a great advantage to resemble a man to some degree.

I'm now retired, having kept my nose to the grindstone for many years.

In my opinion transition is something you only do when you absolutely have to.  At some point there may be no choice for you.

I was never homeless, broke,  or unemployed for any length of time.  I was well respected at my work and in my community.

As Ursula, the sea witch in Little Mermaid, said:  "Life's full of tough choices, innit?"     

Quote from: Rose City Rose on October 14, 2014, 06:43:59 PM
Ask anyone who halted in their tracks and went for the girl 20 years ago, and ended up with a family and a career that now make transition impossible.

Quote from: Foxglove on October 15, 2014, 01:33:10 PM
Alice, I personally would urge you to read Liz's post very carefully and think it over.  You're wondering whether you should get yourself in the same position that so many transpeople have got themselves in before, particularly transpeople of my generation.  They meet someone they like and they wonder if they can put their transgender nature on the back burner.  And I think it's a rare person who doesn't eventually discover that there's simply no profit, no happiness to be found in putting it there.

We transpeople are so often caught between the hardest of rocks and the hardest of hard places: be trans or be in a relationship?  If you go into a relationship without letting your partner know you're trans or having promised her that you'll keep your trans nature within limits, then you could be setting yourself up for some very hard times.  Your trans nature is very likely to come back to the top where it cannot be suppressed any more, and when that happens, your spouse won't be happy.  She'll say you lied to her, you deceived her, you betrayed her: "I didn't sign up for this!"  There are lots of women out there who are bitterly angry at husbands who late in the day revealed that they were trans.

It's not impossible of course to be yourself and be in a relationship.  There are lots of transpeople who have good relationships.  But I think the pre-requisite is complete openness and honesty from the start.  If your current prospective partner can't accept the fact that you're trans, then she simply can't.  And if she can't do it today, it's not likely she'll be able to some years up the road.

I agree with you: life often sucks.  A rock and a hard place.  It can be hard for us transpeople to find accepting and supportive partners.  But I don't think it likely that trying to keep things under wraps will work out in the long run.  Like Liz, I wasted a lot of years of my life not being myself.  When you're young, it's probably impossible to foresee what that will mean to you when you're older.  I have a lot of regrets, and I would hate to see young transpeople of today ending up in my position with the same regrets.

Best wishes,
Foxglove

Ok first off thanks to everyone for the advice. I sat this girl down that i have known for little under a year and told her straight. "I am trans." and then i went on to explain it as best i could and threw in things like " I do not have an attraction to men. But i love women" and it is true. I am sure if the right guy came along i would "experiment" but i really want to find a girl that would accept me.

Well this girl stared me in the eyes the whole time i told her and when i finished she just sat there looking at me. I didn't know what to say. Then out of the blue she says "okay". I asked her if it bothered her and she said "hell no!" She told me she was hoping i was somewhat feminine in nature because i have gone shopping with her before while she looked at clothes and she thought that was amazing that someone wanted to do that with her no matter what gender. We ended up talking for a long time on the subject and it literally felt like someone lifted a ton off of my shoulders.

So basically we are going on our fourth date this weekend and for the first time i get to be myself. No i don't get to be on hrt or on my way to womanhood but i get to go to her house and i "Better show up with enough movies and popcorn to last all night" And she wants me to dress as myself on the inside.

All in all i am a healthy youngun that ownes a semi successful business with a girl that i am dating who accepts me the way i am.

By the way sorry for the long schpeel after what happened this afternoon i had to say something about it.

Best possible result ever!!  You've got me grinning from ear to ear, as I am sure you are too.  *giant hug*

Out of curiosity, what is the business you two operate?

Quote from: Delsorou on October 15, 2014, 05:40:16 PM
Best possible result ever!!  You've got me grinning from ear to ear, as I am sure you are too.  *giant hug*

Out of curiosity, what is the business you two operate?

Am i smiling ear to ear? Nope i am running around my house so excited that i cant stand sitting still.

We sell firearm's and accessories. Mainly to police and a security company but we get the occasional civilian.

Glad to hear things worked out.

Quote from: Alice Bracken on October 14, 2014, 06:37:30 PM
I am so confused. For all of my life i have wanted to be a girl and for all of my life i have followed that dream. I felt as though i was on a single track. I was focused. But recently i met this girl and she is amazing. She is a bit of an oddball being under 5 foot tall, but every thing i brought up that i like she liked and vice versa. It was as if we were a perfect match. No matter if one of us is in a bad mood we can easily make one another feel better by just being in their presence. But i don't know if she would be accepting of the whole MTF thing. I don't know if she would still like me after that.

So the question that i keep asking myself over and over is do i continue on my path to be a woman or do i halt in my tracks and go for the girl. If only i could be who i wanted to be while being with the one that i wanted most.

I dont know if this is a question or if it is just venting. But what are some things that come to your mind. Please share with me so that i can maybe take a look at this from another angle.

My plan was to transition when I grew up but after high school there was college, which was better completed as a boy, and then there was professional school, and then graduate school, and then just when I thought (in my late 20's) finally my time to transition had come, this wonderful women who loved me for what I was (she knew about my true identity long before we started dating) come to my life, and then five kids...

So, finally when the kids were teens a tween, and she had had left us, my time finally did come and I transitioned..

So you see, I made plans, implement them but then something always come up that change everything.... I have come to accept that the good Lord had had a plan for me all along...

My journey is not finish yet... SRS and voice surgery loom in my future... I hope but I am happier and more peaceful than ever in my life... and still living with most of my kids...

Good luck with your journey