I'm not sure how to say all this, please forgive my rambling. I have so many questions/concerns/worries that it's difficult to actually articulate anything at all. A little bit of background: I am biologically male and have not yet started HRT, but am graduating and moving into the workforce ASAP, and as soon as I have a steady income of my own, I want to start HRT. I've talked to a couple doctors and therapists, and am pretty much good to go as soon as I have the income.

I've done a lot of reading on the effects of HRT, and was hoping to get some input on how it effects sex drive. I realize the topic has been discussed on this forum, and I have read everything I could find, notably the "Post-Op Sex Drive ?" and "Does Sexdrive change with the start of HRT" threads, but I was wondering if there was any way to preserve or even cultivate a sex drive during HRT, and post SRS.

Many of the comments in the threads I've read have been along the lines of how wonderful it is to no longer be interested in sex, but, at least from where I'm standing now, I would consider losing my sex drive a considerable negative.

In a larger sense, I guess my biggest fear is that hormones will change who I am to the point that I'm a completely different person than I am now. I like being me, I just want my body to reflect the way I think it should have been born, I don't want to become a completely different person who feels completely different about things.

Thank you in advance for all your help,

Lauren

Hi Lauren and welcome!

I think it's important to say that the effects of HRT vary significantly from person to person.  In my case, HRT decreased my libido to nothingness, and if you take a minute to read the other threads regarding this topic, you will notice that many (not all) transsexual women have had the same experience.  Physiologically this makes sense, for it is testosterone which is responsible for the peak in sexual interest in men and women.  As you are administered estrogen and anti-androgens, your testosterone levels decrease and so does your sexual appetite.  Please take a second to visit the wiki where there's plenty of valuable information on this issue.  Good luck!

tink

Welcome to Susan's, Lauren!

Since testosterone is the hormone that drives the libido in both natal men and women and since transition involves the use of drugs to suppress the action of testosterone in MtF transsexuals I think you may have to put up with a decreased sex drive, at least for awhile.  Of course, HRT affects everyone differently so others may tell us that their drive was not affected at all.

In my case, after almost 7 months of HRT, it has dropped considerably and I think it a blessing not to have to deal with that pressure anymore.  That doesn't mean I don't get horny, just not as much, and it's kinda different.  I can tell you that sex is alot less important now that I'm on my journey, although I'm old enough where the drive should be dropping anyway.

If sex and its potential loss is a big negative for you I think maybe you should wait and take some more time to decide if HRT and its changes are really what you want to do.  HRT will not change you in a fundamental way - I'm still the person I always was - but it will free you up to express yourself truly for the first time, if you are transsexual, and your personality may change from that freedom, usually for the better.  So I don't think you need to worry about that.  But I think you should accept the possibility that you could lose alot more than just your sex drive when you start transition.

Maybe some more time with a gender therapist would help?

Anyhow, while it's not required, why don't you stop in the Introductions section and tell us more about yourself?  I'm happy you found us and decided to start posting and I hope we'll get to know you a little better soon.

again, WELCOME ! !
helen

I don't know about the rest but my sex drive diminished after only three months on estrogen.  I didn't care about it.  You can ask your specialist for other ways to improve your sex drive if they exist.

I don't think it is possible to enhance or maintain ones sex drive with HRT.  One of the known, almost universal effects of HRT is the reduction and change in sex drive.  I personally cannot wait to start HRT because what little sex drive I have is very frustrating to me.  To me whatever change that HRT will bring will be a change for the better

If this is a concern you really need to talk it out with your gender therapist (you need to see one before you start HRT anyway under the standards of care). 

If you strongly identify with your sex drive, HRT may be problematic, this part of you will without question change, for some people this is immediate.  Most MtF are frustrated by their sex drive on one level or another (they cannot identify with it), thus when it diminishes and changes with HRT it is by in large seen as a positive.  Also remember with SRS that you may not get anything sexual out of the genitalia. 

I highly suggest reading more on the subject and talking to a gender therapist.

Just remember, part of why many people start HRT is because we feel our body is poisoned by T, it goes beyond just changing our physical appearance to match our mind, it is changing our body chemestry to match our mind.     

Quote from: AlwaysLauren on March 31, 2007, 07:43:48 PM
I like being me, I just want my body to reflect the way I think it should have been born, I don't want to become a completely different person who feels completely different about things.

The thing is, if you're identifying as a female, the HRT may/will enhance the things you DO like about yourself, and reduce the things you don't. That's been my experience at least. A welcome shift or altering of focus, not an invasion-of-the-body-snatchers switch.

Also keep in mind that many people report not only a reduction of the male sex drive, but an increasing attraction to men.

Kate

KK, first off, male sexdrive decreases...  I still have A sexdrive but its allot diffrent than it used to be...

Second on that thing down there... you need to use it or you loose it... my ex fience was adament about frequent yeah.... anyways untill I broke up with her I had a fairly "normal?" sexlife.....

It is true that for some people sex drive is important, I guess; but it is also true that for some us, sex drive is at the very end of our priority list.  I could care less if I ever regain any sexual drive or experience an orgasm as a post-op woman.  It would be nice to have it but if I don't, so be it.

tink

in my experience:


crazy high dose estrogen only : didn't have a drive to start with HRT kinda increased it recently when I went off AA's it sent my sex drive mad and I was on a stack of estrogen, I went a wee bit mental so I went back on the AA's though I still have to taper them off, i'm on half what I was these days and i'll stop again in a month or two.
AA only: messes with you, you need some hormones, this sucks.
AA + estrogen: mild interest in sex if it comes up but not so much any type of drive

Whatever your doc prescribes is what you'll get so don't pick the experience you like most, it likely won't happen the same way for you just that's what I experienced, I really didn't like the sex drive as it's not like I can act on it in any vaugely comfortable way with the way things are at the mo.

I am not sure how to answer this, I lost my sex drive towards woman before HRT now five years later I have an almost nymphomaniac sex drive towards my BF and just a slight drive towards other woman [I am bi]

My sex drive has changed considerably. Just a look when I was 19 made things get hard. That was the male in me. Since I have been on HRT I don't even feel anything down there too much. That is the physical side. Now the mental state. I do get aroused, but it is entirely different. Nothing gets hard. There are no instant feelings that say I have to releive my self. I respond to warm niceness. And maybe after a while if the right buttons are pressed I start to feel like I am wanted. You see when I was in male mode I did not care about anything, but getting off. When you are a woman you want to be caressed and treated like you are something special.
I started a thread on Periods at Susans. I do have a definate time of the month when I am very receptive to sex. I don't understand why. It is just a mental/emotional thing I think. It last for about a week. It is as if I were in heat.

Deb

Quote from: debisl on April 02, 2007, 09:28:28 AM
My sex drive has changed considerably. Just a look when I was 19 made things get hard. That was the male in me. Since I have been on HRT I don't even feel anything down there too much. That is the physical side. Now the mental state. I do get aroused, but it is entirely different. Nothing gets hard. There are no instant feelings that say I have to releive my self. I respond to warm niceness. And maybe after a while if the right buttons are pressed I start to feel like I am wanted. You see when I was in male mode I did not care about anything, but getting off. When you are a woman you want to be caressed and treated like you are something special.
I started a thread on Periods at Susans. I do have a definate time of the month when I am very receptive to sex. I don't understand why. It is just a mental/emotional thing I think. It last for about a week. It is as if I were in heat.

Deb

interesting!  you have a very [unique] way to describe your experiences, debisl. 

I can still get *hard* but it takes more effort and i masturbate alot less because I don't feel the need to get off. But i certainly do get horny if i am with a man or if god forbid, i saw something online.

On Androcur I lost any libido or desire and went nearly two years without any need to "relieve" myself, and only worked up the odd erection to see "if I still could", and yes it may have been much much harder than before but I could "dry orgasm" although the experience no longer gave me pleasure.  I never got spontaneously hard even when looking at things that excited me sexually, just a kind of mental satisfaction ....

Post-op and off Androcur my libido has returned with a vengance  !

Something makes me get hard most days and it feels really good just squeezing thighs together and dreaming ! 

And the need to relieve myself through orgasm has returned, not as urgent as it used to be, but very definitely a need  !

Laura

This may be TMI but I've only been on HRT for 3 months now and a few weeks ago I experienced my non-ejaculatory orgasm ever!  It was an amazing experience to say the least!

xoxo
Patty

I've had a mixed experience I suppose. There's certainly a sex drive there... I still have sexual desires, but what I don't feel is the need to 'satisfy' my desires as often.

The nature of arousal changes a bit too... it takes a little time to get into the mood, and the mental part is very important. It's not just a physical need. It's actually very hard for me to get 'aroused' if I only physically stimulate myself.

These are all changes that I'd basically expected and desired though. I don't think you can really keep the same sort of masculine sex drive if you're taking any sizable dose of female hormones or antiandrogens.

Okay! Instead of starting a new thread, I'm going to revive this one! I've got a burning question related to HRT and sex drive and the internets have not provided me with the answer.

My problem is that I'm three months into HRT. My brain is still as horny as ever, but my body has more and more refused to go along with the plan. My old male patterns of getting off don't work anymore. This wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing, if I could sort something new out. I know that there has to be a way to get my brain to respond to a more female pattern of orgasm that makes sense now with all my hormones. Any suggestions?

Sorry I can't help you with suggestions

But that is curious, I've heard of it in a few cases, but it's not that common.  I don't really have much sex drive and just don't care and that's only after almost two months of HRT, so that's odd about yours.  You should talk to your doctor about it for sure though, and see if something is up.

It confuses me why someone that wants to use their tool wants to get rid of it.

mines changed a lot....
it went from no desire for sex. to wanting it a lot
before i didnt care, now i deffintely have a labido...
it works both ways...
anyway, is sex that big a determining factor in your willingness to transition/take hrt? time for some thinking mebe..
R