Like most other things, it depends on the individual.  For me, stealth is not what I want. Advocacy is important to me and I think visibly identifying as trans comes with it. Also, while a lot of my past is painful, it is still what shaped who I am today. I don't want to hide it. I left all pictures of me in boymode on facebook tagged with my name because that is my history and I want to save all my memories - even the not fun ones.

Not close to there yet, but I would strive to reach a "state of stealth" model
1: total stealth out in Public
2: semi-stealth in my work life
3: obviously just accepted by friends and family

For Public I would not want to be questioned about my sexuality or gender history... I am not sure that I could handle it.... For work it is way to hard as my history is important, far to late in life to be "starting all over again"  so therefore it would be difficult to hide my past, however I would respect privacy and not sharing my past in work mode. Rest is obvious...

Is it really achievable, probably not.... Will I give up and roll over? absolutely not... Obviously aim for the best, but settle for close... I must admit it's really the stealth in public I really want...

L Katy 

What is ideal, is having the option to choose.

Quote from: Seras on March 05, 2015, 07:17:26 AM
What is ideal, is having the option to choose.

Wow, I never looked at it that way, but you're exactly right.


     Hugs,
- Katie
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Having lived almost total stealth (only my doctor knew) there was always a concern about being found out - not because of who I felt I was  but because of the social stigma of it back then (1970s). For me, I just didn't care. I didn't carry an asterisk and would simply laugh at any hint of not being 'born normal'. Nobody seemed to doubt my origins (probably because of my self-confidence) , even in a casual intimate relationship, but when I reached the point where I wanted more I felt the need to be honest with my partner because of the repercussions to him if it ever came out.

After being stealth for more than 10 years and having 'my cover blown' I no longer cared - I simply continued to refuse to discuss or even acknowledge the issue - I will neither confirm nor deny to any except closest friends or family. That is a much more comfortable than being total stealth.

You know what? I STILL don't care what other people gossip about or what they think! I know who I am.

I think stealth as a possibility is a good thing..  if someone wanted it. Deep stealth would be a pain I think.. I've read about people who live it and it seems they hyper-police their behaviour into very boring and mundane lives.. if that's what someone wants that's fine but I'm too weird and eccentric to find that sort of life inviting. I personally just want to be seen as a woman by any stranger on the street.. with the option of revealing to whomever I deem important enough to know!

Quote from: Ms Grace on March 04, 2015, 03:58:36 PM
Personally I would think trying to be deep stealth would leave me in a constant state of nervous panic that something or someone could out me at any second. I prefer living semi-out, people find out on a need to know basis.

I agree with you Ms Grace, I live the same way.

Quote from: Damara on March 05, 2015, 07:12:27 PM
I think stealth as a possibility is a good thing..  if someone wanted it. Deep stealth would be a pain I think.. I've read about people who live it and it seems they hyper-police their behaviour into very boring and mundane lives.. if that's what someone wants that's fine but I'm too weird and eccentric to find that sort of life inviting. I personally just want to be seen as a woman by any stranger on the street.. with the option of revealing to whomever I deem important enough to know!

RIGHT??

I'm in a writers group which meets every Thursday. Since I posted in this topic yesterday, I thought my reading today should be the first chapter of my book. Now, in my book, the names have been changed, but everything else is totally real. I live in a very conservative area so I expected some horrific backlash. But the topic was so over their heads or shocking, no one had much to say. I'll do chapter two next week. It's certainly not my best writing. I've changed a lot in the ten years since I wrote that. But it still is a good story. AND I can't believe I'm sharing it here, where I live, where everyone carries a gun on their hip. I think I am truly over the hump on this issue.

Quote from: Cindi Jones on March 06, 2015, 01:58:29 AM
I'm in a writers group which meets every Thursday. Since I posted in this topic yesterday, I thought my reading today should be the first chapter of my book. Now, in my book, the names have been changed, but everything else is totally real. I live in a very conservative area so I expected some horrific backlash. But the topic was so over their heads or shocking, no one had much to say. I'll do chapter two next week. It's certainly not my best writing. I've changed a lot in the ten years since I wrote that. But it still is a good story. AND I can't believe I'm sharing it here, where I live, where everyone carries a gun on their hip. I think I am truly over the hump on this issue.

That's really cool.  I can't imagine even attempting to get that kind of validation.  Let us know how chapter 2 goes, and stay safe =D

Well, I didn't present it as "my story," rather as a piece that I have written. Someone asked me if it was a true story. My response was "Have I ever written anything that wasn't fiction?" They'll probably get it sooner or later. I don't give a flying squirrel.