Quote from: Squircle on April 02, 2015, 01:23:13 AM
For what it's worth I looked nowhere near as good as you before my ffs, and I was full time for a year like that. You claim that you would have to spend tens of thousands, and perhaps that's true at the top American surgeons, but I got mine done for around £8k in Europe. And you wouldn't need much anyway.

Just wondering who did you go to for FFS?

Dr Bart van der Ven in Antwerp.

Quote from: Squircle on April 02, 2015, 02:50:04 AM
Dr Bart van der Ven in Antwerp.

Thanks

Quote from: barbie on April 01, 2015, 07:04:03 PM
Rotika and Cindi, thanks for nice comments on my walking posture.
Yesterday I took self videos in the coast of my home town. As the sea water is still cold, it was windy, foggy and cold in the coast.
I just walked as usual. A lot of women watched me, but I did not care.
I stopped at a coffee store. An aged man working there said hello to me. I was there last September, and this guy still remembers me. Embarrassing!

Anyway, an edited video clip featuring myself.



Next time, I may take video while drinking and chatting with my friends, but.... the problem is the privacy of my friends... I am not quite sure.

Actually, I do not care whether I pass or not.

Cheers!

barbie~~

Hi Barbie

I liked your video and I think physically if I saw you somewhere I would never think you weren't anything but a woman and  know you said you didn't care whether  you passed or not but I think there are a couple things which you could change or do which could help you present better as a woman.

you skirt (which I loved btw) is a little short for you most of the girls I know use the fingertip method to see if the skirt is long enough (put the skirt on and lay your hand on your thigh with your fingers extended to the ground if the skirt is shorter than the tips of your fingers it's to short and someone will defiantly see your panties) when it's that short other girls will look at you and tend to think your promiscuous and guys will look at you and think your available.

When you sit in a skirt slide your hand along your butt to push under it under you (especially important in a short skirt) then if there isn't a table or something in front of you put your hands in your lap and unless you're doing something with them keep them there then when you stand smooth the skit out the back (having been under you) should be neat automatically.

Slow down when your drinking (set the drink down and look around for at least a couple seconds then slowly pick it up and take a sip savoring the flavor before setting it down again and starting over)  it seemed like you were very thirsty (couldn't get enough of it) in the video.

Wear shorter heals, flats or tennis shoes when walking the along the coast  or in rocky areas (the heals seem so out of place there as most women would be afraid that they would get there heals stuck in the mud or worse yet that they would twist their ankle something)

I thought your walk looked fine the bag defiantly helped you with your hands.

Also referring to the other video you posted earlier keep your hands out of your pockets and try to keep your hands at your sides or in front of you (when it's really cold it's ok to put them in your pockets but the rest of the time pretend the jacket doesn't have any)

Sorry if this seems harsh it really isn't meant to be I actually think you're doing great and hope that I get to the point you're at someday.

You're doing great

Emily

Quote from: Emily E on April 02, 2015, 05:32:00 AM
you skirt (which I loved btw) is a little short for you most of the girls I know use the fingertip method to see if the skirt is long enough (put the skirt on and lay your hand on your thigh with your fingers extended to the ground if the skirt is shorter than the tips of your fingers it's to short and someone will defiantly see your panties) when it's that short other girls will look at you and tend to think your promiscuous and guys will look at you and think your available.

Oh. Thanks Emily for detailed tips on fashion and other things.
Yes. My wife and kids and my close friends complain that my skirts are mostly too short. Yesterday at the coffee cafe, I also noticed that two aged women inside the window laugh at me (it was not smile, definitively). While I edited the video clips later, I noticed that I exposed my thighs just below the skirt. It was slovenly. With that short skirt, most girls here wear leggings. From the video, I could realize that the skirt was is too short.

Quote
When you sit in a skirt slide your hand along your butt to push under it under you (especially important in a short skirt) then if there isn't a table or something in front of you put your hands in your lap and unless you're doing something with them keep them there then when you stand smooth the skit out the back (having been under you) should be neat automatically.

Yes. I should learn it until it becomes my habit.

Quote
Slow down when your drinking (set the drink down and look around for at least a couple seconds then slowly pick it up and take a sip savoring the flavor before setting it down again and starting over)  it seemed like you were very thirsty (couldn't get enough of it) in the video.

I think it is genetic one. My little daughter also gobbles food and drink.

Quote
Wear shorter heals, flats or tennis shoes when walking the along the coast  or in rocky areas (the heals seem so out of place there as most women would be afraid that they would get there heals stuck in the mud or worse yet that they would twist their ankle something)

Yes. That's true. I once got my new heels scratched while walking in a stony garden. The coast here is mostly paved and a few ladies do wear high heels. I intentionally wear high heels to show my walking posture. Usually I wear flat sandals.

Quote
Sorry if this seems harsh it really isn't meant to be I actually think you're doing great and hope that I get to the point you're at someday.

No No No. In the other social network sites, my old friends always make fun of my appearance.
However, some of my friends and colleagues are so much supportive of me, not to mention my wife.

Thanks again for your constructive advice. It's great!

barbie~~

@Barbie, you look beautiful and confident as always. An obersvation: Korea must be a very safe country. In my country I would not feel safe wearing a short skirt and heel in a remote place like that on my own (not a trans thing). Strange men would approach me. 

Quote from: Serena ♡ on April 01, 2015, 08:59:34 PM
How is that considered male clothes?  Maybe just in the first picture, but yeah you just look like a cis woman wearing an androgynous shirt.

Yeah, I just meant the first pic for trying to pass as male. And thanks, not sure I see myself as cis looking yet, but that could be because I'm used to my face and still remember what it looked like, so naturally I'll still see my old male characteristics. Anyway, getting an outside perspective really helps, so thanks for commenting

Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on April 01, 2015, 01:55:37 PM
Ok, so here's some proof that you can't really determine passibility from a flattering selfie.  The first picture is from yesterday in VERY light makeup; the second one is me today, no makeup.  Here's for anyone who says I pass. 





If this is what I'm gonna look like forever, it's time to detransition, at least until FFS is on the table.  I've thought it over, and I can barely go out in public anymore.

Fix your eyebrows in the second one.

Quote from: Charlotte2 on April 02, 2015, 10:05:51 AM
@Barbie, you look beautiful and confident as always. An obersvation: Korea must be a very safe country. In my country I would not feel safe wearing a short skirt and heel in a remote place like that on my own (not a trans thing). Strange men would approach me. 

Yes. Here it is very safe. Women on heels walk at midnight. It is difficult to find a remote place here, as the population density is so high like Hong Kong. More than 10 million people visit my home town every year. I see more Chinese tourists than Koreans here in my home town.

Even the following fashion can be OK, but can be TV entertainment news.



barbie~~

Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on April 01, 2015, 01:55:37 PM
Ok, so here's some proof that you can't really determine passibility from a flattering selfie.  The first picture is from yesterday in VERY light makeup; the second one is me today, no makeup.  Here's for anyone who says I pass. 





If this is what I'm gonna look like forever, it's time to detransition, at least until FFS is on the table.  I've thought it over, and I can barely go out in public anymore.

So just because you're worried about the lighting in your photos you're thinking about detransition? well. i must say. if you want to pass: the lighting is the least of your worries. Passing is about fitting into what society sees as popularly femme. throwing on a dress and getting some crazy purple hair isn't going to help. I've seen most of your pics on this forum. From what i can tell you need to learn to use makeup better. You have a much more femme face than half the girls on here that are already years into HRT and you're saying you can't go in public? That seems harsh. You may not pass. but with a bit of effort, you could.
Sorry. But you seemed like what you needed was a kick to the rear in a direction. Any direction
If you want some serious feedback on what you can do do feminize, PM me. I'll be as helpful and brutally honest as you need. *Hugs*

^^ Re: the purple hair - I told her looking eccentric will do. just. that...

Anyway androgynouspainter, I wonder how you would look with relaxed hair? Remember hair is a powerful feature that can frame your face. The right doo that matches your features can be highly feminizing!

Quote from: Evelyn K on April 02, 2015, 09:25:05 PM
^^ Re: the purple hair - I told her looking eccentric will do. just. that...

Anyway androgynouspainter, I wonder how you would look with relaxed hair? Remember hair is a powerful feature that can frame your face. The right doo that matches your features can be highly feminizing!

Hahaha, I have had a relaxer before.  It did not work out.  It did not work out AT ALL.  Keritin might look ok, but I can't really afford it

Incoming PM

Quote from: Evelyn K on April 02, 2015, 09:25:05 PM
^^ Re: the purple hair - I told her looking eccentric will do. just. that...

Anyway androgynouspainter, I wonder how you would look with relaxed hair? Remember hair is a powerful feature that can frame your face. The right doo that matches your features can be highly feminizing!

She doesn't need to relax her hair, there is plenty of women with beautiful curls. Women come in different shapes.

Quote from: Serena ♡ on April 03, 2015, 12:11:17 AM
She doesn't need to relax her hair, there is plenty of women with beautiful curls. Women come in different shapes.

Not really.  There are sex characteristics hon, men look a certain way and women look a certain way...and that's how the world will see you if you don't look like a woman should.  I'm sorry, but I'm not able to live as a trans woman if I look like a man.

I'd sooner die, actually.

Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on April 03, 2015, 12:20:43 AM
Not really.  There are sex characteristics hon, men look a certain way and women look a certain way...and that's how the world will see you if you don't look like a woman should.  I'm sorry, but I'm not able to live as a trans woman if I look like a man.

I personally just get the feeling from how you are on this forum that you aren't mentally ready for transition. It is extremely difficult and perhaps you need more time just living. You seem to have an expectation that you can go on hormones and wear a dress with little effort beyond that and look totally cis, and that anything less is failure, which is an impossible bar to set for yourself. As Rotika says, you're looks are much more feminine than many trans women's are. I've seen people who have ended up looking amazing from much more masculine starting points than you ever had. But they put in lots of work and effort, and went through the period where you know you don't pass but go out anyway.

People have given you a pretty clear indication of why you aren't passing; it's because you present genderqueer. I'm not one for encouraging gender binary roles but the truth is as trans women we often can't get away with androgynous hairstyles or bushy eyebrows. With long hair and properly shaped eyebrows you would look completely different.

As I said before, perhaps a temporary detransition wouldn't be such a bad idea. You could still work towards transition by continuing hormones and growing your hair out, but if you were presenting as male you would perhaps stop putting yourself under so much pressure and give yourself time to think objectively. We are all pretty hard on ourselves here, and we all have to live with certain aspects of our appearance we don't like, but for a lot of us we are in this situation because it's the only way we could go on living.

I realise this all sounds harsh and I'm sorry, I wish it didn't. But you've kind of stripped away all of the other options and theres not much left anyone can say. I really hope you can find a way to be happy.

Quote from: Squircle on April 03, 2015, 02:14:35 AM
I personally just get the feeling from how you are on this forum that you aren't mentally ready for transition. It is extremely difficult and perhaps you need more time just living. You seem to have an expectation that you can go on hormones and wear a dress with little effort beyond that and look totally cis, and that anything less is failure, which is an impossible bar to set for yourself. As Rotika says, you're looks are much more feminine than many trans women's are. I've seen people who have ended up looking amazing from much more masculine starting points than you ever had. But they put in lots of work and effort, and went through the period where you know you don't pass but go out anyway.

People have given you a pretty clear indication of why you aren't passing; it's because you present genderqueer. I'm not one for encouraging gender binary roles but the truth is as trans women we often can't get away with androgynous hairstyles or bushy eyebrows. With long hair and properly shaped eyebrows you would look completely different.

As I said before, perhaps a temporary detransition wouldn't be such a bad idea. You could still work towards transition by continuing hormones and growing your hair out, but if you were presenting as male you would perhaps stop putting yourself under so much pressure and give yourself time to think objectively. We are all pretty hard on ourselves here, and we all have to live with certain aspects of our appearance we don't like, but for a lot of us we are in this situation because it's the only way we could go on living.

I realise this all sounds harsh and I'm sorry, I wish it didn't. But you've kind of stripped away all of the other options and theres not much left anyone can say. I really hope you can find a way to be happy.

You're right.  I'm not ready for this.  I rushed into it very recklessly, actually, because I wanted to get onto hrt before T destroyed my voice and gave me facial hair.  I know things need to change...perhaps I am too depressed to put in the effort.  I'm tired of the pain of plucking my eyebrows every week, and I'm tired of risking arrest every time I run out of makeup and need to get more...I thought this would be easy and I'd be happy and I'd be able to do it without any support in my life, and I was wrong, and now I'm paying the price for that.  I'm so sorry for burdoning the community like this.  I'm just scared because my gender issues are literally killing me; I feel like I am going to die soon because of them, and my days are numbered.  I never lived before my transition.  I would have liked to have waited until I could have found more support...now though I'm at a school where everyone hates me, and...I don't know.  You're right though.  I'm a mess and I was not prepared for this.

You aren't burdening anyone, the point of this forum is for support and you have need for it right now.

I doubt that things are as bad as you feel they are, but you do need real world support. You clearly have low self esteem and sometimes it's easy to alienate yourself from others. My depression and self esteem became so bad that I wasn't fun to be around, and it drove people away. Once I started making a real effort to get out and meets people my social circle has rapidly increased, and that's all down to my attitude rather than who I actually am.

Don't alienate yourself from here either, keep talking. You need it and we are here for you.

EDIT: if you are at a very low ebb and a danger to yourself please CALL SOMEONE.

Also I have to ask, why are you risking arrest when you need makeup? Are you stealing it?