Hey Jamie J
Sorry that I am coming in late to your post. I am a cis wife; my SO is currently going through the process of transitioning. We are pretty much at the same stage that you and your SO seem to be at.

I can TOTALLY relate to what you have been sharing, when my SO "came out", we were at a place in our relationship where we were seriously talking about starting a family and the changes that have taken place since then have really made me rethink and re-consider every aspect of our relationship. I really feel the maternal feeling fighting an internal battle with my heart and mind nearly every day. I find it really really hard.

You asked early on about the cis woman loosing their identity through the process. And, although my SO is not "out" anywhere else but at home I DO feel that I have had a bit of an internal identity crisis!! I can't imagine that any other woman going through the same wouldn't! the whole process of wither we choose to leave our SO or stay with them means that we have to start really examining ourselves in ways that most people never have to. It undoubtedly changes us, and our identity.

In the permalinks there is a great article by the Beaumost society. (link below) I read it about a week after my SO came out to me. I really identified with a lot of what is written in the article. But the biggest impact it had on me was that I realised, in that moment, that there are other women out there who have been through what I am going through. 

http://web.archive.org/web/20090626024030/http://www.beaumontsociety.org.uk/wobs/challenge.html

Like I said, I am pretty much just about where you are n all of this, I don't know if I can offer any advice, but I just wanted to acknowledge your feelings and what you are going through, because I can totally relate and pretty much go through all these feelings and thoughts often!

I guess it is true what the say; life is a journey!

Tuyrar xx

Hi tuyrar
Thank you for your reply. Last night again was challenging I'm feeling abit broken today.
It's nice to hear comfort from you that you are going through this to. Do you already have children? Or will you be? Are you staying to support him/her?
We are in the same spot... He's only her at home but I feel that will change in time .



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Significant other
Heterosexual woman

Hey Jamie, yes, I am staying to support my spouse, I love them and don't really see their gender dysphoria as a reason to leave them.  We don't have any children, but I Really really want to have children, time is against me as I have some specific fertility problems.

Speaking honestly, and I truly don't want to offend anyone else reading this post but this is just where I am right now emotionally, one of my first "fears" or "questions" that I felt when I came out was "would I ever have children?". And what would all of this mean if we did? How would it work, how would I feel about it. I am sure that these all sound like super selfish thoughts to people on the other side, but they are just real emotions and thing that I am processing.

I guess a lot of it has a lot to do with what I had always just "presumed" would happen, and my spouse's coming out, has made me not only rethink and  re-examine our relationship, but also what that means for us having a family, and me being a mother. Just now they aren't taking hormones or anything, but we are also not in a place where we have get pregnant tomorrow. I don't know how long that will take, nor how long they can "take it" until they will start treatment.

I wouldn't say that my SO is against having children, just that they have never really been "for" it, in part I feel that I have spent some years waiting for them to "be ready enough" and now it's like our train is going down a completely different track. It is hard, emotionally and biologically. Not to mention that this sensitivity is making me soooooo much more aware of everyone around me having kids, and getting pregnant, and it fees like the whole world doesn't know how easy it is!! Haha but I know I am super emotional right now so I am kind of not seeing the world straight.

Does your spouse want kids?

To be honest I am finding it AL of it very hard, but just trying to stay positive and not cry so much! haha

Tuyrar xx

Hi Tuyrar,

You are doing great. you are here seeking support for yourself and knowledge to help your partner. For any cis-female to be able to do that is worthy of special praise. Lets face it, this is probably the last thing on your mind when you are getting ready to have a relationship. Strong women like you are few and far between and your partner is very lucky. It is a really tough gig being the spouse of someone in transition and you need all the help you can get.

Both of you have a hug and hang in there...you are special people

Sarah T

Quote from: Tuyrar on November 28, 2015, 10:22:47 AM
Hey Jamie, yes, I am staying to support my spouse, I love them and don't really see their gender dysphoria as a reason to leave them.  We don't have any children, but I Really really want to have children, time is against me as I have some specific fertility problems.

Speaking honestly, and I truly don't want to offend anyone else reading this post but this is just where I am right now emotionally, one of my first "fears" or "questions" that I felt when I came out was "would I ever have children?". And what would all of this mean if we did? How would it work, how would I feel about it. I am sure that these all sound like super selfish thoughts to people on the other side, but they are just real emotions and thing that I am processing.

I guess a lot of it has a lot to do with what I had always just "presumed" would happen, and my spouse's coming out, has made me not only rethink and  re-examine our relationship, but also what that means for us having a family, and me being a mother. Just now they aren't taking hormones or anything, but we are also not in a place where we have get pregnant tomorrow. I don't know how long that will take, nor how long they can "take it" until they will start treatment.

I wouldn't say that my SO is against having children, just that they have never really been "for" it, in part I feel that I have spent some years waiting for them to "be ready enough" and now it's like our train is going down a completely different track. It is hard, emotionally and biologically. Not to mention that this sensitivity is making me soooooo much more aware of everyone around me having kids, and getting pregnant, and it fees like the whole world doesn't know how easy it is!! Haha but I know I am super emotional right now so I am kind of not seeing the world straight.

Does your spouse want kids?

To be honest I am finding it AL of it very hard, but just trying to stay positive and not cry so much! haha

Tuyrar xx

Hi Tuyrar
You took the words out of my mind and put them on this forum!
No we both do not have any children, we have talked about it for years. In fact I made it quite clear 3 years ago that I didn't want to start a relationship if we weren't going to have a family. Being a mother and having a family is so important to me. We would been amazing parents together.
And like you I have waited for ages for him to be ready or the relationship to be where he needed it to be, for it to be right. Now this has come out and our life also is now on a different train. But sadly I cannot wait for that train to process/progress as I have had fertility checks and we need to start now without delay, or my/our dream won't happen! As it is right now we agreed to wait till March and maybe now that won't even happen. I find myself looking at the baby things we purchased almost grieving something it's weird!
I love my partner to and want to fully support but I'm going through a ping pong of emotional pain to and would like us to openly support more so each person gets what they need in life.
We were going to have a serious talk today but now it's Tuesday night.... I hope for a good outcome!
We are both doing therapy I suggest it helps:) we are yet to do one together however.
Thanks X


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Significant other
Heterosexual woman

Quote from: sarahtokes on November 28, 2015, 01:46:37 PM
Hi Tuyrar,

You are doing great. you are here seeking support for yourself and knowledge to help your partner. For any cis-female to be able to do that is worthy of special praise. Lets face it, this is probably the last thing on your mind when you are getting ready to have a relationship. Strong women like you are few and far between and your partner is very lucky. It is a really tough gig being the spouse of someone in transition and you need all the help you can get.

Both of you have a hug and hang in there...you are special people

Sarah T

Awww thank you sarah


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Significant other
Heterosexual woman

Hi Tuyrar,
Where are you in the world? We are in Auckland New Zealand.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Significant other
Heterosexual woman

Hi Tuyrar
Sorry I missed one of your questions, yes he had always wanted kids with me.... But still waiting. I'm now scared that with this new process he/we are doing it's going to be a big wait and that's something medically not possible for me:( 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Significant other
Heterosexual woman

Hi jamiej,

Just checking in to let you know I'm still reading and really hope Tuesday night goes well for you. I'm just across the ditch in Sudney.

Take care.

Jayne

Sydney! Stupid big fingers and small phone keyboard! Haha

Hi Jayne,

Thank you I really appreciate this:) I travel to Sydney for work, once or twice a year.
I hope tuesday goes well to, at least it will give me/us some direction of "where our future/s are going"

Hello,
I am wondering for all of you that have read my post, how many of your changed sexuality during/after Transition, or at least had enough curiosity to try?
I appreciate anyone's reply.
Thanks

H Jamiej

I am still early on in my transition but I it would not surprise me if I did find I had an attraction to men as I progressed through my journey when I consider how I have always viewed myself during sex, which is as the female. It took me a long time to own up to that to myself. I enjoyed the sex I had but it has never been this earth shattering experience that people talk about, I can remember  finding it an absolute chore at times and I we haven't indulged in sex for many years despite being married happily. But like most things you will find a wide and a varying array of opinions The key for me is this...even if my sexual orientation changes it will make no difference because I am married and I made a vow. To seek out a relationship with  a man/anyone for sex in my book is just plain wrong.

Hope that helps in some way

I think my sexuality was changing well before I started transitioning... (its been a very long transition and still, frustratingly is, but... I do not really want to leave my wife fending for herself at her age).
Anyway back on topic
I did fantasize since early years on HRT of being intimate with men, but never did and now I don't anymore, I think the need to be who you know you are overrides any other emotions. But we are all so very different, humans in total I mean, some folks are really driven by sexual acts other not.
So did I have curiosity? hmmmm maybe but if only for a fleeting moment or during sexual acts with my wife, like wishing we were swapped around... but not me with me  So maybe not so fleeting???

Katy xx

Thank you both for your reply, it helped:)
It makes me have hope that I will be enough for my partner as he figures this out.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Significant other
Heterosexual woman

I really hope things go well for you.

Jayne

Before I transitioned I wasn't sexual and mostly I thought that because the transsexualism was so intense that males didn't interest me and if I look at a girl, I wanted to be them. In the transition I figured out I was Asexual because I still didn't have a sexual attraction to either gender. In the last few month I think I am still Asexual but the Demisexual flavor. I am still not attracted to others sexually but I enjoy the company of others. I think I might be comfortable in bed with either gender but as I am still a virgin this remains untested.

The transition will not change your sexual orientation but it might expose an already existing one. Bi seems to be a good deal more common than once though so many people seem to change their sexual orientation when they transition when really they are just discovering the Bi that already existed in them.

Hi Dena:)
This helps me allot! Thank you


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Significant other
Heterosexual woman

Quote from: Dena on November 30, 2015, 10:44:48 PM
.....
The transition will not change your sexual orientation but it might expose an already existing one. Bi seems to be a good deal more common than once though so many people seem to change their sexual orientation when they transition when really they are just discovering the Bi that already existed in them.

There may well be a lot of substance I would suspect in Dena's statement, not really there at the moment, but oddly, more recently I am getting very minor flutters, if I really think about it, but its not sexually motivated, that I am consciously aware of....

Katy xx

Quote from: Dena on November 30, 2015, 10:44:48 PM
Before I transitioned I wasn't sexual and mostly I thought that because the transsexualism was so intense that males didn't interest me and if I look at a girl, I wanted to be them. In the transition I figured out I was Asexual because I still didn't have a sexual attraction to either gender. In the last few month I think I am still Asexual but the Demisexual flavor. I am still not attracted to others sexually but I enjoy the company of others. I think I might be comfortable in bed with either gender but as I am still a virgin this remains untested.

The transition will not change your sexual orientation but it might expose an already existing one. Bi seems to be a good deal more common than once though so many people seem to change their sexual orientation when they transition when really they are just discovering the Bi that already existed in them.

It might have to do with hormone levels.
Are your estrogen levels well in the female range ? Not in the menopausal range but above ?

Are the testo levels in the female range ? More than not readable ?
There are small testo doses available for menopausal women, its a well known subject there...


hugs