I identity somewhere between genderqueer and FTM, so I wasn't sure which board to post this in.

So, my gender expression varies. Sometimes I like more masculine clothes, no makeup, etc. But other times I still like feminine things like dresses, jewelry, makeup, etc.

The thing is, when I dress more femininely, I feel sort of like a man in drag. I was wondering if anyone else experiences this sort of sensation.

I would describe myself when wearing a dress (it's been well over 10 years since I put one on) as feeling like a "grizzly bear wearing a tutu."

I think maybe that sums up the sensation to me. I feel ridiculous and overexposed.

I don't have the urge to wear feminine clothes, but... I feel very much like a guy wearing things that just don't "work" if I ever do. Perhaps not quite what you were going for, but...

I am not fully transitioned yet but even now. I feel a lot like a very feminine man whenever I express my more feminine traits. Actually something I enjoy, glad to hear I'm not the only one.


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Hey, glad to meet someone like me on the forum . I wish to express my fem side and wear dresses and skirts and earrings. But I think right now I'd be too dysphoric plus I don't know where to start with all the female stuff (any tips;)). In the future when I'm further along on T I see myself as a handsome guy who just looks good in female clothes but also still wears mens clothes if I'm in the mood. I don't really see it as 'drag' because for me clothes are clothes. Whatever makes me look even more handsome; whether it's a dress or a shirt; I'm gonna wear it

Hi, and welcome!

That's certainly not an unusual experience. I've always found women's clothing feels like drag: unfortunately I grew up in a country where we had to wear school uniforms and everything was strictly gender-segregated, so I felt uncomfortable about how I was forced to present myself from a very early age. I've always felt that wearing female clothing represented me being forced into drag against my will.

I've been transitioning for 3 years now and in that time I haven't worn anything feminine, but I'm very much binary so that suits me down to the ground. I kept a few items of clothing when I started my transition and I might consider wearing them under the right circumstances, but it's really not something I relate to. But everyone's experience is different and there is no right or wrong way of being trans, or of being you. However you want to present yourself, rock it with pride.

I have a transmasculine genderqueer friend who dresses very femininely, including full make-up. He also perceives it as drag, but enjoys the experience because he perceives it as drag. Does that make sense?

I get the feeling like a man in drag thing. I also kept buying girls clothes that were designed for a 'boyish' shape and kept getting really disappointed when they didn't magically flatten my chest.

At the moment, pre-T and top surgery, i don't feel comfortable in girls clothes, but I wouldn't put 'cross dressing' at a later point off the table entirely. My physical body is more important than the scraps of fabric i drape it in (which are arbitrarily gendered anyway) but as i can't completely control that myself I use clothes stamped with mens to control the dysphoria.

i avoid wearing feminine clothes or makeup as much as possible.  even though i don't pass regardless of how i dress, i try to give as little reason for people to call me "she" as i can.  but i also just happen to prefer this look, so it works in my favor.  i would definitely consider me wearing more feminine stuff to be "going in drag"--which is something i would not mind doing from time to time in the distant future, but for now i'd rather avoid it since it wouldn't be seen as "drag" by anyone but me.

Coming from a not really passing male who wears those clothing from the "womens" section as well, I don't feel like I am in drag at all simply because I don't at all agree with what a male is supposed to look like from peoples' perspective.  The only issue I have with clothing from their section is if it has a shape that will accentuate the female specific body features like curves (some clothing have a curvy shape before putting them on and those are the ones Im referring to) otherwise I believe that they're for boys who want to look pretty since its our right too.  I feel it's the same with makeup even though I am not into that.

I'm nonbinary, MT?.  I dress on a gradient; my clothes are a rough indicator of my gender day to day.  Why am I posting here?  Well... more and more men are making outfit choices similar to my own -- cardigans, sweater vests, layered tops, painted nails, ankle socks under tennis shoes... I swear, they're gonna be wearing black tights and/or shaving their legs next.  I feel a need to dress even more femme to keep ahead of the boys.  I'm sure it feels the other way to y'all, but it sure seems to me like you can still mix in some feminine touches and be read as a guy.

When I'm feeling more femme, I'm extra sensitive about a masculine appearance -- like if a shirt fits a little wrong, I see a dude and I get a wave of dysphoria.  So yeah, I get the "man in drag" feeling.  I really wish it was more okay for men to cross that line.  Sure, I'd have to try harder on my femme days, but I'd feel less awful on butch days.

It does seem to be more of a cultural transition for men to wear designated womens clothing than the other way around - i've never read a trans man saying they had that epiphany moment in a pair of jeans the way trans women seem to talk about the first time they put on a skirt, because trousers have never been off the table for most afab guys born in the last fifty-odd years. girls jeans range as fashion changes from basically the same as boys to much more different, so the contrast isn't as shocking to people, especially when guys and girls have been wearing almost identical skinny jeans for the last decade or so. No one asks me 'is that a mens shirt' or really thinks twice about boxer shorts in the laundry because a lot of cis girls wear them, and even 'boyshort' underwear is pretty fashionable, and the 'boyfriend' clothing trend as well... the lines are much blurrier going f to m. i guess it just proves that gender dysphoria is about more than clothing choices (because fashion is not an innate instinct in either gender ), because having basically all the options clothing wise, it's still not enough?

i'm going to wear a full traditional kilt + jacket to a wedding soon and I'm pretty sure no one will bat an eye. I've been wearing iconically 'male' things since i was in high school (tux/tails/kilt and sporran, the key part that makes it a kilt and not a tartan skirt it seems) and people that know me well were still shocked that I don't ID as female when i told them. whereas if i was male and wearing 'drag' often everyone would have already assumed. it seems like at least outside of some more conservative societies, girls in masculine or boys' clothes is just seen as "quirky" or "individual" or at best a kind of amusing watered down feminism. But feminist theory would probably say that this is because girls and young women aren't seen as powerful enough to affect real social change, or to pose a threat to "true" masculinity. the same reason the 'bathroom myth' rarely seems to pick up on trans men in mens' rooms.

it's another thing that bites all genders in the butt: people assume trans women are only ever going to wear ballgowns; people assume NB amab are transgendered women; no one will believe that I'm actually trans because i'm not as attached to flannel as stereotypical transwomen that they've seen in movies are to glitter

not saying switching the way I dressed wasn't a turning point for me, it was just less of a social taboo

You could say there's two kinds of clothes... women's and unisex.

Kilts are an interesting thing, when I see them I don't think they look feminine at all. When I watch movies about ancient Romans or Greeks etc., men running around in togas and battle get-up, it does not have a feminine association... these guys are manly as all hell. Then there's samurai and their long hair and yutaka that were effectively not too different in appearance from women's clothes except for the darker colors and greater mobility in them.

It's only in the last couple of centuries someone effectively decided men had to have short hair and that any man wearing a skirt-type garment is "wrong", and spread that nonsense (almost) all over the world.

Quote from: makipu on December 17, 2015, 10:02:50 AM
Coming from a not really passing male who wears those clothing from the "womens" section as well, I don't feel like I am in drag at all simply because I don't at all agree with what a male is supposed to look like from peoples' perspective.  The only issue I have with clothing from their section is if it has a shape that will accentuate the female specific body features like curves (some clothing have a curvy shape before putting them on and those are the ones Im referring to) otherwise I believe that they're for boys who want to look pretty since its our right too.  I feel it's the same with makeup even though I am not into that.

i feel about the same way - i would have no problem wearing feminine clothes, in fact i like a lot of feminine fashions, but only after medical transition because right now most feminine clothes really accentuate my female body characteristics so it'd be a dysphoric nightmare for me to wear them. subsequently, they would also destroy my ability to pass as male.
i still occasionally paint my nails or wear clip-on stud earrings though; that doesn't trigger my dysphoria or mess with my ability to pass.

Quote from: vanderpn on December 15, 2015, 09:49:45 PM
The thing is, when I dress more femininely, I feel sort of like a man in drag. I was wondering if anyone else experiences this sort of sensation.

I'm trying to embrace that feeling at the moment; I don't pass, and won't, I expect, until I do hormones - something I'm not yet certain I will do.

I think it is an easier thing to embrace for me, because my self-image is very nelly - I expect it would be harder for chaps who have very masculine self-images.

So I'm trying to use the feeling - trying to find the bits of it which are empowering to me right now. For example, I've always been uncomfortable with make up. But since I discovered drag, I've discovered I actually really enjoy it - there's all the difference in the world between what it means to be a "woman wearing makeup" and a "man wearing make up". The problem for me wasn't eyeshadow, but the implications/connotations which usually come with eyeshadow.

So...in answer to your question, "yes, I feel like that" and more broadly, consider how you can use it to tackle dysphoria if that's a problem for you, because it's doing me a world of good compared to before.