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How to tell a guy you're trans??

Started by marssu, January 21, 2016, 10:43:53 PM

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Angélique LaCava

Quote from: marssu on February 23, 2016, 02:07:03 PM
Update:

So I told him. His reaction was very suprising considering what he said about trans people. He was very confused after and couldnt believe me and still denying it. He said that he still loves me but is very confused. He thinks that I am joking but I wrote to him a very long text so how am I joking here. He told me that he needs time and should concentrate on his life for now since he has job interviews etc. I am glad he wasnt aggressive or anything though.

What should I do? Should I give him time?
obviously he's trying to let u down easily. "Concentrate on his life"? Arnt u suppose to be part of his life. I'd say forget him. If a guy is fine wit it he will be fine wit it from the start.
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Laura_7

Quote from: marssu on February 23, 2016, 02:07:03 PM
Update:

So I told him. His reaction was very suprising considering what he said about trans people. He was very confused after and couldnt believe me and still denying it. He said that he still loves me but is very confused. He thinks that I am joking but I wrote to him a very long text so how am I joking here. He told me that he needs time and should concentrate on his life for now since he has job interviews etc. I am glad he wasnt aggressive or anything though.

What should I do? Should I give him time?

*hugs*

I would have wished for a better outcome.

Well its hard to say ...

you might give him a few days and then contact him again, saying that you are still the same person and transgender people are people like everyone else, with normal needs and cravings...
and maybe you could give him a few days afterwards to decide ... if he still can see you as a person he likes...

thats what I'd do...

wish you the best,
*hugs*
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marssu

I'll just give him couple of days and see... ??? :'(


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Obfuskatie

Use your words. Be up front about it, if whomever you told runs off, you're better for not having to know them.


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk



If people are what they eat, I really need to stop eating such neurotic food  :icon_shakefist:
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Wednesday

I dunno. If you want my very personal opinion I would forget about him even if he comes back begging me to date again.

Anyway, I would have dumped him after hearing his uneducated opinion about trans people. Folks who give heavily judgmental uninformed opinios are just not worth my time. Seriously, now I'm wondering if it would be more suitable to make them run an IQ test even before knowing their opinion about trans* issues ;D
"Witches were a bit like cats" - Terry Pratchett
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Ms DeeDee

Quote from: SophieSakura on February 17, 2016, 05:15:14 PM
I think it's a complicated issue, since if the person knew about it then they might not consent to intimacy.  So that's why it's more important than telling them about other things, that probably wouldn't affect the likelihood of them consenting.  Also whether it's ethically ok or not, it could make somebody feel awful if they found out after having sex or whatever.  So that is something to take into consideration.  Just to know that other people's feelings are at risk too.  I personally would feel absolutely awful and betrayed and violated if someone wasn't completely honest with me before getting serious in a relationship and having sex within a relationship, and I'm allowed to feel that way.
I agree.  There's also a safety consideration isn't there?  If you don't tell someone and they find out at some point and are upset, that might not be a healthy situation.  Early on, before things have become at all intimate would seem to be far safer both physically and emotionally for everyone involved.  Whether there is any "obligation" to tell is kind of beside the point, I would think.  Transphopia and violence against women of all backgrounds are all too real.  But these are just my impressions, I'm not dating and can barely remember what dating (as a guy) was like.  I just know that if I were all of a sudden dating, I wouldn't dare bat my eyelashes at a guy over coffee without telling him and telling him in a safe place in case I found I'd misjudged him.

@marssu, you should congratulate yourself on being brave and honest and facing the issue.  I would take his words at face value and give him some time but I wouldn't hold my breath.  You're a beautiful woman and holding yourself unavailable is not going to benefit you in any way.

Hugs,
DeeDee
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marssu



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