Hello, I was just wondering if it is possibly to transition physically, but not socially. I don't really see how it would be possible. Once hormones start doing their work, everyone would know, but I thought I would ask because I don't know.

My dysphoria is very much physical but not really social. My body definitely feels wrong, but I cannot picture myself living as a woman socially. It all seems very screwed up in my head and I can't make any sense of it.

I'll be interested to see if anybody else has similar experience and how you make it work.

Jayne

It depends.

There are people on low doses.

It also may depend on beard etc.

You might talkt to a gender therapist, and slowly see how you feel on hormones ... maybe on a low dose ...
there should be endos being supportive.


*hugs*

I'm doing this as I don't want to deal with the consequences of being out as trans, and if I do come out then a few more years like this would have tremendous benefits to me.

I think I'm starting to reach the limits of whats possible. I've been on low dose HRT for a long time, and full for the last 2 years, so I have perhaps C cup breasts. I can wear what I want and don't get out much so I can hide breasts and body shape easily enough. I have light beard/stubble which hides the facial changes I have, I don't look normal if I get rid of it.
Luckily I don't have problems looking in a mirror.

Where I'm at doesn't seem very stable, and I can see I might need to continue transitioning at some point. SRS would be the next step to keep me a lid of things, and to keep me busy for a year or two. After that who knows.

The constant hiding is also beginning to get to me. It's quite oppressive.

All up I don't think its a very good path to take, and for most binary people its best to get transition over with as soon as possible. If you're going to eventually fully transition then sooner is better than later. I'm willing to make some sacrifices due to my unusual personal circumstances.

I'm doing it at least for now and it doesn't seem to be a big problem.  One guy does keep asking me when I'm going to transition like Caitlyn Jenner LOL, but he's my friend so I just laugh along with him.  He did tell me some others are talking but nobody has said anything nor have I encountered any attitude.  I still get along great with everyone (I've been working here now for 19 years.)

I'm not sure anyone notices my body other than that I have lost a lot of weight and have gotten very slim.  They do notice my hair though since I haven't cut it since Dec, 2014.  Since I work with the military it kind of sticks out too.  I'm not sure if they notice the scent of my body spray. :-)

Really, other than not changing clothes and announcing a new name I don't feel like I'm hiding at all.  I even wear a bright red pair of sunglasses and rotate my black, red, and white watch bands to match my shirt.

Maybe it works because I don't act like I'm trying to hide something.  It's also a professional environment where people respect each other and since we're all Army a lot of that is based on earned credentials and mine are solid.


Sapere Aude

I know a number of people who have used HRT for years and do not present as one gender or another.  It is a personal choice to reveal your truth or not.  I would hope more people will understand that despite the stereotypical narratives and standards for care, transition is best when tailor made to fit one person, YOU.

When I first came out and started transition I felt all eyes would be on me and every little change would invite comment or criticism.  Not by a long shot.  People continue to be absorbed by their own world and our changes, however big to us, often don't merit much attention.  Consider the infamous and derisive people of walmart type videos that poke fun when  that is our reality---all kinds of people are here now and we are not the only ones who may be non conforming in a number of ways.  Yes, people of all kinds.  Diversity rocks!

Transition your way!

I think a low dose could get you by enough to get through the rest of the medical requirements that you want depending on how receptive to them your body is.

I had also spent most of my life wanting to do exactly what you're describing. My body started feminizing before the hormones though, so it put me in a spot where I either did the social transition or tried using testosterone to counter it instead. I chose the social transition and to my surprise, it was the right path for me.

Thank you all for replying. I am so confused and screwed up. I have no idea what I want. I don't even trust myself to decide whether or not I'm even trans in the first place let alone what to do about it. And before anyone tells me I should see a gender therapist, I already am. I have been seeing her for over 6 months, plus a regular therapist for about a month before that while I was on a waiting list, plus another therapist together with my wife on occasion who helps couples where one is trans plus another therapist who is supposed to help with my self loathing. That's 4 therapists and I still have no idea what I am or what I want. I am beginning to think that I am beyond salvage and just some freak who doesn't even know what he is.

Why is it every time I start a thread on this forum it always ends with me accepting myself less than when I started and hating my very existence?

The confusion is normal and will be there until you make a decision one way or the other. I was beyond confused myself when I returned to this site last year. Nothing on the forums really helped curb that. I also spent over 15 years in therapy trying to cure myself / not be so confused. What it took was self reflection by looking at "am i trans" videos on youtube along with enough solitude that the peanut gallery wasn't influencing me. Oh and I did attempt a transition prior to those 15 years of therapy. The difference this time was that the therapy helped to fix some major confidence issues I had.

I'm going to complicate things and throw another type of transition at you. Mental - how you view yourself.

This changes over time no matter what, but over the course of the last year (~6 months on HRT) my view of myself has changed so much that I no longer have much in common with the person I used to be. Neither my pre-realization self, nor the gender questioning person I became pre-HRT. I don't question who or what I am anymore, but I'm a completely different person; about all I have in common with who I used to be is a shared past and a few sets of clothing that are too big for me.

As I've grown and changed, so has the way I interact with people socially. Even to those I'm not blatantly "out" to, the way I relate and interact with them has transitioned. I might not be "out" in the social binary extreme of female yet, that is, being ma'am'd and such, but I'm no longer seen as potential competition by males. Females relax around me socially in a way they didn't before. Whether people realize it or not, they already view gender as a spectrum, and where I sit on that spectrum has changed, aka transition.

You're going to change as a person, it's up to you determine who you'll change into. You've already begun a mental transition - when you opened the "am I trans" door. So what other sorts of transitions do you want to affect on your life and person?

You don't need to decide on an end goal or let the issue become clouded by issues like "should", just decide on one thing you can work on that may make yourself happier, or find some fulfillment, or peace, or whatever it is you need or want out of life. If it doesn't work out then at least you gave it a shot, and then you can try the next thing. If it -does- work out, then your life is enriched that tiny bit more

Hope this helps at all, being lost in your own head sucks, I know. Be well.

I never worked it out for sure until I started HRT, then tried to stop.

Before that I found no amount of thinking about it helped. I couldn't take it anymore, and tried HRT because I couldn't think of anything else to do.

For me, the social transition was a big reason why I chose to transition in the first place. Yes, it was hard. Being able to love my life as a woman and treated as such is worth it. Physically, I wasn't as focused on particular things apart from FFS and being on HRT. Right now in arranging my bottom surgery mostly to just get it over with and be able to plan the rest of my life. I never had the same urgency on the physical side, especially after making tangible, albeit slow, progress in that department.


     Hugs,
- Katie
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Quote from: jayne01 on April 06, 2016, 08:56:27 AM
Hello, I was just wondering if it is possibly to transition physically, but not socially. I don't really see how it would be possible. Once hormones start doing their work, everyone would know, but I thought I would ask because I don't know.

My dysphoria is very much physical but not really social. My body definitely feels wrong, but I cannot picture myself living as a woman socially. It all seems very screwed up in my head and I can't make any sense of it.

I'll be interested to see if anybody else has similar experience and how you make it work.

Jayne

Seven years on HRT, now with a B cup I sincerely doubt anyone beyond my wife and members of my TG support group knows I am not quite the "male" I am presenting as, as I live my predominately male life.

I've never felt as happy as I do today living in my skin. The dangly bits have never been a hang-up for me as we've had great times together. In an ideal world I would fully transition. I live in RealVille. I don not Need to transition, only want/like to. Tomorrow it may be a different story

Four years on HRT and two years of it on essentially transition doses.
Electrolysis complete as well.

I'm bluffing my way through avoiding social transition - people mostly see what they expect to see unless you bring attention to yourself.

In an ideal world, I'd have transitioned about 15 years ago.  Since then, my circumstances are such that I have chosen to not go ahead as the costs would be too high.  Long term, who knows.  Let tomorrow come and tomorrow's problems come with it.

Quote from: luna nyan on April 07, 2016, 07:46:39 AM
Four years on HRT and two years of it on essentially transition doses.
Electrolysis complete as well.

I'm bluffing my way through avoiding social transition - people mostly see what they expect to see unless you bring attention to yourself.

I thought you were still doing low dose?

I've been avoiding electrolysis as stubble hides my facial changes. You really don't have any difficulty with this? Has anyone noticed anything?

My hormone assays are essentially female.   E peaks out just under 600 after implantation and only dropped to 350 at end of 9 months.  No T in the system.   So essentially it's now a lower transition dose.

I had electro done 15 years ago - I used to get bad breakouts from shaving, as well as setting off my dysphoria.  Given the time frames, I've gotten away with it.

Quote from: luna nyan on April 07, 2016, 04:00:53 PM
My hormone assays are essentially female.   E peaks out just under 600 after implantation and only dropped to 350 at end of 9 months.  No T in the system.   So essentially it's now a lower transition dose.

I had electro done 15 years ago - I used to get bad breakouts from shaving, as well as setting off my dysphoria.  Given the time frames, I've gotten away with it.

Sounds like about half mine, though I've never tested it just after its implanted. I thinking of getting a bit of electrolysis, but not going to far with it.

Hi Jayne,

Sorry it's all so confusing for you at the moment. You are certainly keeping the therapists busy! It's obvious you so badly want an answer to this whole conundrum.

I understand you're in a male dominated workplace and you love your wife and family. It sounds as though your wife is very supportive as you work your way through this. On the work front are there other options that might be less blokey, or do you think they might be open to a trans colleague?

I understand your seeing all the therapists possible to try and get answers. But, in the end, is it possible that you need to try and make a decision on what you're going to do, as a precursor to other things taking shape? Remember, not all decisions here need to be permanent. I just get the feeling you sound overwhelmed by so many views and options.

I certainly don't have "answers" but for me it was only once I started making decisions that I felt able to get on with my life. I wish you all the best in your search.


Ros

Quote from: jayne01 on April 06, 2016, 08:56:27 AM
Hello, I was just wondering if it is possibly to transition physically, but not socially. I don't really see how it would be possible. Once hormones start doing their work, everyone would know, but I thought I would ask because I don't know.

My dysphoria is very much physical but not really social. My body definitely feels wrong, but I cannot picture myself living as a woman socially. It all seems very screwed up in my head and I can't make any sense of it.

I'll be interested to see if anybody else has similar experience and how you make it work.

Jayne

Oh my gosh this is pretty much me too! I just want the body and look of a guy I don't think I want the social part. I enjoy a lot of things that come with being a woman... Mainly girls night and not having to use the men's restroom(it smells more often than the girls restroom does). I don't want to lose girls night though!

Sent from my A0001 using Tapatalk

Hello,

This is not uncommon to desire physical change but not outward change in how one interacts with society, kind of like the brain is playing tricks on you but as I see it this is from how a person was raised e.g. a genetically born male is raised to play with boy toys and ingrained with the mindset of a male and the reverse for a genetically born female so this is only natural to think this way.

Most people transgender or not evolve over time, you may learn as time ticks by that your thoughts on this may change or may not change yet this is not something that can be decided in a short time span. Allow yourself to be open-minded to the possibilities that you might very well entertain the idea, yes I would like to be social and not simply have physical alterations.