Yesterday. Here is what I found out, Because of my gender confusion, I put undo pressure on my 1st wife. Especially since we were so young. Although I loved Wendy with all my heart there was always this desire in the back of my mind and it eventually became too much to bear. I also learned my sexual urnings have always been there. latent under the surface, even before my mother started dressing me up. Now it is in the foreground daily. With every breath I take, there is a tinge of regret that I did not use the situation to convert. I carried it around for 37 years thinking Wendy deserted me when it really was my fault. Then I concocted a storyline to garner sympathy and make her the scapegoat. I finally have my answers or at least some of them. Luckily my current wife of 32 years doesn't seem to care, she loves me in spite of myself. I just wish i had been educated sooner. I knew people were getting gender surgery but I never thought it could happen for me. I've lived in abject fear all my life my secret would be revealed. So i hated everyone especially myself. I disconnected from friends and family became astoundingly bitter. I don't want to be that person anymore. When I dress up I am at ease for a couple hours, no stress, no worries. I'm afraid if I carry that outside into the real world. I will be confronted with stress and worries because there are so many well meaning but perverse people out there. To assume I've gone to the John to sexually assault their women and children is ridiculous. Or that I am somehow overly sexually stimulated and a menace to society. Truth be told I haven't had sex in 25 years because of health problems. Along with the spiro I've been taking all that time, sped up the ED. There are existing laws on the books already that cover sex offences in the restroom. Enforce them.
Hugs not Drugs
