I made the biggest mistake today. There is an ice cream store in my downtown neighborhood  so stupid me I figure I'd go get an ice cream cone. First off I'm sitting on a bench outside the store contemplating the universe and this homeless idiot that keeps trying to hit on  me everytime I run into him on the street, ok that's getting quite disturbing , get away. I'm sitting in the store and it's packed with a constant flow coming and going. I think the schools might be out so the place is packed with the baby to 12 year old crowd. As I'm sitting waiting for my move to the counter I start noticing all these kids are staring at me which is fine , but it doesn't let up. I try smiling back and it works on a bunch of kids , but then I start feeling the hold of severe dysphoria and I stop smiling and start approaching the panic attack stage with all these young eyeballs staring at me. Ok so I get my vanilla cone and sit back down . The staring intensifies so I finish my cone and go out and sit on a bench in front of the store. Ok , I calming down, now two girls around 7 walk by me and as they walk by me they don't let their eyes deviate from extreme focus on my face . They get about 20 yards from me while never leaving eye contact with me except at one point they faced each other and talked a bit then look back at me and were smiling, Ok, I could be paranoid ,but I'm freaking because all day long I've been out in the down town area at cafe's in a really nice dress I bought last week with fish net stockings  and thinking I'm looking good. So I've come to the only conclusion I believe possible. I am either one gorgeous babe or I look like the man in the dress demon.

This old bat, at 6ft tall and big everything, yet thin thin and smartly dressed, living in an area filled with 5'6" dumpy, frumpy, "I gave up on being a woman eons ago" women.... I had two choices why a lot of males, and some females stared at me an uncomfortably too long time.

Go negative, like I did 40 years earlier with that "They KNOW" I'm some guy in a dress

Or, go with how I felt leaving the house that morning, "Not bad for an old bat" 

Unlike 40 years ago, I'm still presenting female and thinking I look damn good

When I get stared and and think I've been clocked, I hold my head high and show them the proud face of transgender.

The way I see it, my value as a person has nothing to do with whether or not I look cis.

Lucky you I'm still alive. So I can conclude that they were indeed clocking you. It sucks and is embarrassing being clocked by a bunch of kids but the best way to rectify that situation is to go get your ice cream and go on about your business. Also really observe yourself to see if there's anything physically manly about your that you can change or at least work on. That should help.

Quote from: stephaniec on June 02, 2016, 07:45:28 PM
I made the biggest mistake today. There is an ice cream store in my downtown neighborhood  so stupid me I figure I'd go get an ice cream cone. First off I'm sitting on a bench outside the store contemplating the universe and this homeless idiot that keeps trying to hit on  me everytime I run into him on the street, ok that's getting quite disturbing , get away. I'm sitting in the store and it's packed with a constant flow coming and going. I think the schools might be out so the place is packed with the baby to 12 year old crowd. As I'm sitting waiting for my move to the counter I start noticing all these kids are staring at me which is fine , but it doesn't let up. I try smiling back and it works on a bunch of kids , but then I start feeling the hold of severe dysphoria and I stop smiling and start approaching the panic attack stage with all these young eyeballs staring at me. Ok so I get my vanilla cone and sit back down . The staring intensifies so I finish my cone and go out and sit on a bench in front of the store. Ok , I calming down, now two girls around 7 walk by me and as they walk by me they don't let their eyes deviate from extreme focus on my face . They get about 20 yards from me while never leaving eye contact with me except at one point they faced each other and talked a bit then look back at me and were smiling, Ok, I could be paranoid ,but I'm freaking because all day long I've been out in the down town area at cafe's in a really nice dress I bought last week with fish net stockings  and thinking I'm looking good. So I've come to the only conclusion I believe possible. I am either one gorgeous babe or I look like the man in the dress demon.

Well if you ask me you look like a female  you look fine
and anxiety sometimes takes away that rational thinking of the mind i know, i have it too.
And them people are probably looking at how great you look and maybe even curious as to what kind of ice cream you got who knows what there thinking. And most of them are probably wondering what everyone else is getting for ice cream or something or how the weather is everyone looks at everyone i wouldn't fear it,
Embrace it someone stars at you smile back i bet you'll get one in return

Well , I've been on Hormones 3 years so something should of happened by now which on my good days I feel pretty good and believe I've made some progress . Today  and yesterday was a bad experience. Yesterday some street thugs clocked me which doesn't really  bother me because of who they are and the environment they come from. Today though freaked me because I thought things were good. There is no way in hell this little camper is turning back because I can't and won't. It was just a bath in cold water. Most of my days are filled with pleasant surprises of being gendered properly I had a case manager come to my apartment  yesterday to see what services I needed and I had on another of my favorite desses . A white lace number. We talked and she gendered me properly she had on a pretty white lace top. She's in her twenties and was very nice. The good experiences far outnumber the bad , but the bad can get to you. Also today I saw this transgender that I see in my neighborhood every so often. She works at the University. I first saw her when she had just started HRT and  looked like a linebacker for the University football team. That was like 10 years ago , now she looks like a lovely young woman.

Kids are kids.  Just stick your tongue out at them and they'll love you. 

They also might have just been seeing if you would buy them ice cream.

Either way, don't fret.  You look great. 

thanks that helped

It's hard to comment on the circumstances and reasons Stephanie. If you are concerned that it may be some element of your presentation/appearance is there anyone you know in real life who can give you honest and constructive feedback? You mentioned a LGBTI centre a while back, maybe someone from there?

well, I really never have too much problems from adults. Today was extreme though.I start a trans support group next week maybe I'll bring it up.

What I could do, which I have been thinking of , is to dye my hair green or purple then I'd be expecting to get looked at and could just ignore it mentally .

People stare and children are notorious for staring, I usually just smile and nod or say hello then go about my business

I do remember an occasion when a couple of girls seem to follow me about and stared at me as I was shopping at the grocery

Their curiosity was starting to become bothersome to me so asked:

"Can I help you?"

Taking turns they replied saying:

"We're Girl Scouts and our mommy told us that there are also some women coming home from the war and they might have the same (far off) stare like our Daddy has"

I was dumbstruck, wasn't sure what to say so I just smiled and said:

"Thank you girls, but I'm okay"

It came to light that their mommy tends to chat allot and so they trail off to see what other people are doing

Finally the mother showed up concerned that they had been bothering me and scolding them for wondering about

I just got my groceries and went home

well. the experience I had today with those two 7 somethings was just weird for me . they were smiling the whole time they were looking at me.Peole have told me that I'm quite pretty when I'm made up with make up, so it is possible they were staring at me because of my looks because 7 year old's will do that , but it is just as equally possible they saw me as a man wearing a pretty dress and make up. There is nothing that happened where I can differentiate which it was pro or con. the only thing that might tip the balance in favor of pretty little girls one anglo and the other African American looking at a pretty older woman would possibly be the fact that while in the store a bunch of kids were smiling at me when I smiled at them and the little boys were playing goofy and the real little ones were just all smiles so I don't think they saw me as an evil predator . One of the woman's husband that was with her and their two sons kept staring at me, but that could also be exactly equally valid for either position of me being Greta Garbo's doppelganger  or the evil bathroom predator. So basically I'm still left not knowing why I'm being stared at although I much prefer the Greta Garbo doppelganger theory.

I can totally understand feeling bad over that. Like you say the good experiences outweigh the bad, that is important. I think kids in general are just curious and possibly are not taught as much socialization etiquette as they once were. For good or bad, we are an informal culture now.

When i find my self clocked or semi-clocked, i often just smile like you did and if the person persists i stare back at them until they become uncomfortable.

Young people surprise you on all counts. A couple of years ago before HRT i was traveling and in full femme attire and as you often do, i went to the hotel bar for a drink and some dinner. There was a massive group of kids in the hotel of HS age traveling to some event.

That evening they were hanging out in the lobby and filling the corridor to the bathrooms on both sides like a gauntlet with one or two chaperones just talking and oblivious. I needed to pee, so i figure well i guess i am going to withstand the looks/giggles etc. I was dressed casually in jeans but with some quite high wedge sandals on. I thought i looked sort of cute. Well there was one or two taps from one kid to his neighbor and points back and me that was it. As i am returning to my table, a young lady in the gauntlet calls out to me. " i really like your shoes!" and she was kind and sincere. I turned around and said "thank you so much ". Interesting thing was - is she knew what i was emotionally going through and wanted to offer me support. That was a really sweet 15 yr old.

yea, a situation like that would take a massive amout of will power to just pee.

stephaniec, Sorry your day out turned sour for you. A little late as always but going to throw something out that no one else seemed to hit on. Might not have been "you' that was attracting the looks as much as what you were wearing. Not in anyway telling you how to dress but it is pretty unusual to see a woman wearing a dress and hose in what is a pretty casual situation. Might have been more "look at the lady all dressed up" than  "gee look a guy in a dress".Just food for thought........

Quote from: CrysC on June 02, 2016, 08:59:30 PM
Kids are kids.  Just stick your tongue out at them and they'll love you. 

They also might have just been seeing if you would buy them ice cream.

Either way, don't fret.  You look great.

*ding ding*

Winner, winner! Chicken dinner!

Btw, kids seem to see everything. And that's a good thing; they don't have a "blind eye" like many adults do.

yea, so very true certain adults do have such huge blind spots

I've been meaning to reply to this and it seems that "Lostcharlie" pointed out what immediately stuck out at me.  In particular the fishnets.  I can bet that is what got the attention.  I know I would have looked, if only at the fishnets; but kids being kids they had just had to come in for further inspection.  I don't think you were 'clocked' but rather became very interesting to observe - in a good way.

that could be because  a few of the girls around 6-7 kept giving me a full body scan which I never saw before from kids. Woman have done like I do to them to see how they put things together.