just ignore the notion of gender from your journey.
Your physical appearance and presentation is what you make it to be and is separate from how you feel as yourself.
You can start with anti androgens from a HRT point of view but sooner or later a doctor is going to be concerned for your bone density and bone health without taking oestrogen or testosterone. but as mentioned above, you can take a dosage that YOU are comfortable with.
You could even forego their concerns and just stay on an anti androgen if you feel the risks are satisfactory for yourself (just keep getting monitored and don't go it alone).
The problem you are probably more likely to run into and feel you are talking to brick walls is affirming your identity to others. As gender is what YOU identify as, it shouldn't be any one else's right to take that away from you.
Government paperwork and legislation will almost always specify binary gender notions. Every heteronormative person you speak to will not comprehend anything other than binary, as a customer you will be assumed as a gender when addressed. on electronic registration forms from anything as mundane as a loyalty card, to your bank accounts and mail out statements, right up to a birth certificate and passport, you most likely will HAVE to state a gender in order for the binary world to accept you into their fold.
What you do with HRT and surgery will pale into comparison of being able to be yourself in a binary world.
clothing you can choose.
the surgery options you can choose but be aware you are again talking with surgoens that recognise binary so it is more how you perceive your surgeries to better your perception of your presentation.
and HRT can be as strong or weak as you wish, don't focus on the numbers of the blood results, focus on how you feel from the effects of the therapy.
as an example:
for surgery, if you are looking to demasculinise features of your body, the world (psych, doctor, public, anyone you interact with) will still interpret it as feminising your features. So you have to be comfortable with what you interpret your life as, not everyone else.
Non binary, agender, whatever the label is tomorrow is a wonderful journey of discovery knowing you don't fit at either side of the spectrum and that you are uniquely you and the path you make to better find you is yours and yours alone.
I can give you my story and my path if you wish (at least in HRT form, i am still working out surgeries) but this is your story, your path, and you are the one that is dictating it. Just be strong in your resolution of who you are and try not to let the heteronormative cis-sexist world steer you into a state you are not comfortable with.
Be You.
Dami
