Hey everyone!

I'm getting top surgery at the end of November. I currently live with my best friend and her family and I havent told them I'm getting surgery yet. I do a lot to help out around the house but obviously I wont be able to while recovering from surgery. They know I'm trans because my friend and I have known each other for ten years and her family knrw me before I transitioned. They are respectful and never misgender me or ask rude questions. BUT i dont necessarily want to disclose to them what the surgery is for. They are very traditional and argumentative and her dad has serious medical issues. I dont feel like explaining the validity of top surgery, nor do I want them asking a bunch of dumb questions/questioning my decisions/telling all their friends "HEY OUR TENANT JUST GOT A GENDER SURGERY".

So I was wondering what excuse I could use that would have a similar recovery time/limitations of movement? The scars are not an issue they won't see me topless. But what do you think? Gall bladder removal? Any and all advice is appreciated

If top surgery invilves a private area, and it is private, just say it was an important surgery and nothing more. Health information is most often and usually private so why not let it be. Let them know that you'll need the recovery time from it and that's it. If theyre already understanding of your gender identity Im sure they wont pry into something as menial as a really important surgery regardless of what it is

That's the thing though- they will pry. They are the nosiest people I have ever met. They will ask 100 questions regardless if I say it's a gender related surgery or not. That's why I'm asking what would be a good cover. I appreciate your response though.

Quote from: 0searching0 on October 25, 2016, 02:55:34 PM
That's the thing though- they will pry. They are the nosiest people I have ever met. They will ask 100 questions regardless if I say it's a gender related surgery or not. That's why I'm asking what would be a good cover. I appreciate your response though.

If they are gonna be nosy won't there be a decent chance they will find out it's a lie?

If they're going to ask a lot of questions anyway, it's probably best to just be up front. "I'm having my chest reconstructed. I won't be able to do chores or much lifting for about a month, and will be home from school/work for a week or two afterwards."

You don't have to explain anything beyond that to anyone.

Well... breast cancer?

A couple of my family members had it and had full surgery, if anyone asked it was mentioned briefly and people never asked again.

But it's nobody's business. You could just say "I had to have something removed and I'd rather not talk about it"

There are many assumptions they could make like cancer or having to have it removed to stop the progress of a disease.
It's not really any of their business. And actually, it is being removed for medical reasons, technically.

Have you asked them what they think of the concept?  Usually, when people are uncomfortable about something, it's a matter of introducing people slowly rather than lying or shoving it in their face....

I should ask though: are you a minor?  It's gonna be alot harder to pull off if you're a minor, but if you're not, then it's not like you're too young for transitional surgery...

Quote from: kanad3 on October 25, 2016, 03:15:02 PM
If they are gonna be nosy won't there be a decent chance they will find out it's a lie?

No probably not. They'll ask a bunch of questions and as long as I can provide sufficient answers, they'll drop it eventually. But they are going to be extremely nosy at first.

Quote from: FTMax on October 25, 2016, 06:10:56 PM
If they're going to ask a lot of questions anyway, it's probably best to just be up front. "I'm having my chest reconstructed. I won't be able to do chores or much lifting for about a month, and will be home from school/work for a week or two afterwards."

You don't have to explain anything beyond that to anyone.

They are too pushy to give that much information and just leave it at that, unfortunately. Which is why I would rather have a completely different reason altogether.

Quote from: 0searching0 on October 26, 2016, 04:54:21 PM
No probably not. They'll ask a bunch of questions and as long as I can provide sufficient answers, they'll drop it eventually. But they are going to be extremely nosy at first.

I think they would also drop after awhile it if you said "it's my personal medical information and I am not comfortable sharing it" every single time they asked.

Quote from: T.K.G.W. on October 25, 2016, 08:20:44 PM
Well... breast cancer?

A couple of my family members had it and had full surgery, if anyone asked it was mentioned briefly and people never asked again.

But it's nobody's business. You could just say "I had to have something removed and I'd rather not talk about it"

That's not a bad idea! And if worst comes to worst I might do that but I dunno.

Quote from: PrincessCrystal on October 26, 2016, 11:28:02 AM
Have you asked them what they think of the concept?  Usually, when people are uncomfortable about something, it's a matter of introducing people slowly rather than lying or shoving it in their face....

I should ask though: are you a minor?  It's gonna be alot harder to pull off if you're a minor, but if you're not, then it's not like you're too young for transitional surgery...

No I'm 24. And I'm not someone who is into teaching people/trying to make them comfortable with trans issues. I'm a dude with an unfortunate birth defect trying to live his life.

My best friends dad is dying of ALS. And her mother is the most vile and self centered person I've ever met. While they are comfortable enough to let me live in their house (but I pay to live here, I'm a tenant), I dont know how they would feel about me under going a surgery they will likely perceive as optional. Especially with everything that goes on with my friend's dad. In an ideal world, I'd stay in a hotel for two weeks or something. But I cant afford it, hence why I rent a room in their house rather than my own apartment.

I don't like discussing trans aspects of my life with very many people and becoming a spokes person for top surgery in this house isn't something I am willing to do. It's a very negative and judgemental environment. I was just wondering what surgeries have similar physical limitations and recovery times.

I truly appreciate everyone's responses though.

Quote from: Alexthecat on October 26, 2016, 04:56:18 PM
I think they would also drop after awhile it if you said "it's my personal medical information and I am not comfortable sharing it" every single time they asked.

Yeah I'm leaning towards this route right now. If I did say that every single time they WOULD drop it.

This isn't exactly the same topic, but this link might help a bit: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,210492.0.html

Either way, if you have to have a reason (my parents are quite nosy as well) I would vote for either an abnormal cyst/growth that could be problematic to your health had to be removed, or you are being cautious/had to remove something due to breast cancer (like T.K.G.W. suggested).

If they keep prying, it's none of their business/medical. But yeah, some people don't have a concept of boundaries. Best of luck.

Could just say you have gynaecomastia and like any man it affects your self esteem and so are having surgery to get rid of them.

1.  "Surgery to correct a birth defect".

2.  "Pectus excavatum (sunken chest)".

I wouldn't personally go with the cancer option.

Quote from: Kreuzfidel on October 30, 2016, 09:49:05 PM
1.  "Surgery to correct a birth defect".

2.  "Pectus excavatum (sunken chest)".

I wouldn't personally go with the cancer option.

I agree with this. Pectus excavatum is probably your best bet. Cancer is super serious and it's not really something you should lie about, especially to people you're close to because then they'll worry and definitely pry. 

If you really wanted to be mean, you could say that you were abducted by aliens and they did all sorts of horrible experiments on you. Honestly, it's not really any of their business. Maybe, a disease which makes them sink in?

Quote from: sigsi on October 29, 2016, 08:57:25 PM
This isn't exactly the same topic, but this link might help a bit: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,210492.0.html

Either way, if you have to have a reason (my parents are quite nosy as well) I would vote for either an abnormal cyst/growth that could be problematic to your health had to be removed, or you are being cautious/had to remove something due to breast cancer (like T.K.G.W. suggested).

If they keep prying, it's none of their business/medical. But yeah, some people don't have a concept of boundaries. Best of luck.

Thanks for your suggestion! I think if they pry a lot I'm going to go that route. "I have to have something removed and that's all I'm willing to say". They arent my parents, but they definitely have ZERO sense of boundaries.