Hello everyone! I'm Natty, I hope to make some friends here. I'm 36 years old. I live in Argentina, I speak Spanish and English. Since I was 12, I've dressed as a female when I'm at home, but not in public. I've had sex with men since 16, and now I have a boyfriend. I've dated women and men in different moments of my life. When I was young, I felt confused and guilty about my desires, but I've learned to accept them.
I have some questions to you. Am I a "crossdresser" or a "transgender" person? I don't know what's the better word. Most crossdressers I know, unlike myself, prefer women to men. I haven't modified my body with hormones (I have fantasized it, but I think it's just a fantasy). In private, and when I'm with my boyfriend or with the few people that know about my feminine side, I try to be as feminine as I can, and I want to be treated as a woman in every aspect. But in public, I prefer to hide the femenine parts of myself, and be treated as a man. It's like I have two parts of myself, one male in public and one female in private.
What do you think? Is there any other people who feel something like this? Am I a "crossdresser" or a "transgender" person?

Welcome to Susan's Place. I can't say for sure that you are a cross dresser but you are transgender. Transgender means that you could be cross dresser, Gender queer, ->-bleeped-<-, transsexual and a few others. Somebody who is transgender is uncomfortable with their birth gender and seeks another way to express their gender. Where you fit has to be your decision but I have a couple of links that will help you explore this. The first is our WIKI where the sub groups of ->-bleeped-<- are described. The second is "the transition channel" where a gender therapist will help you explore some of your feeling. If you have additional questions, post them in this thread and we will respond to them.

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Thanks Dena! I have seen the wiki. I think I am bigender and androphilic. Is there any way to find other persons in this forum who have similar characteristics, in order to talk about several issues?

Conversations like that would take place in the non binary section. We have a fair number of member who fit into the bi gender classification that I have seen so far. The problem with the non binary is it's a spectrum and I am not sure any two are alike so finding an exact match would be difficult. It's even somewhat difficult for me because I am still learning about it. The non binary didn't exist when I transition which wasn't a problem for me because I was transsexual but here the non binary is pretty common. In any case, you might want to look at the following links.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,202966.0.html

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,201219.0.html

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,196073.0.html

Thanks again for your kind answers! I have another question. Some weeks ago, I published two posts in this forum, one asking about bibliography to discuss transphobic claims, another asking if anyone else was interested in androphilic transgender fiction. The first post has not received any answers yet, and the second post has already disappeared (I don't know if it was deleted for infringing any norm, I haven't received any message about it). Since I don't know yet many things about this forum, I'd like to ask you if I did something wrong (perhaps I wrote in the wrong section, or asked something inappropriate).

Hi Natty 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

We don't always know the answers to the questions people ask and that's the most likely reason the first post hasn't received any responses.

The second post was removed as s ->-bleeped-<- and Blanchard are subjects not to be discussed on this site. Not only are the theories wrong but they have caused a good deal of harm in the community. On this site we are all treated as equals with nobody more or less deserving as it's difficult to explore yourself if somebody is attempting to force you into an identity that you don't belong. This post may help explain it.

Dena: my post was not about  ->-bleeped-<-. It was about androphilic transgender fiction, that is, fiction about a transgender protagonist who has an erotic interest with a man. They are completely different topics. In fact, I reject Blanchard's theory, as you do. If my post was deleted for that reason, I think it was a mistake made by the person who deleted it, and I ask you that the decision is re-examined.

Dena: Can I post my question again, now that I have explained you that it was not about Blanchard's theories?

You should have received a PM about this. If you click on the message link in the top line, you should be able to view it. I looked up the report on this but the message that was sent to you wasn't included. At this point I can't authorize reposting the message because it's out of my hands.

I've checked "my messages", and I didn't find any PM about that post. If you think I must talk with another person, just tell me who and how, and I'll talk.
I propose you that I write a new post, in which I´ll try to make it clear that my question is not about Blanchard's theory, in order to avoid any future misunderstanding. Do you think it would be OK?

Hola Natty,
Me llamo Loki y como estas?
My Spanish is very uh bad as I'm not fluent lmao [emoji23] but welcome to the site


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Natty

It was something that was on my mind all my life and due to the times there were not many alternatives available. So I put on the facade of being male. I have been married twice. Divorced once. When I was with my first wife I considered myself a pervert because frankly there were just not many examples of surgical solutions. I hid my proclivities from her and we started having less sex, which was interpreted as ignoring her. So she left and I let her. My new wife knew I was a crossdresser and as long as I was out of sight, I was out of mind. Even though we had a lousy sex life, we still managed to have two children which became the focus of our relationship. I was very nurturing, and took on the role of Mom and Dad. I knew I was different and didn't know why. I still had questions about my first marriage and why it ended so I went back to therapy for the seventh time. Only difference is, this time I confronted the Gorilla in the room. I told Kristi my therapist everything I could remember about not being very macho, wanting to socialize with girls and not for sex. I wanted to be pretty like my sister. Wear her costumes and that desire never passed. After two sessions i learned that all the crossdressing was a coverup for my true desires and my authentic sexual orientation. My desire to crossdress overcame my desire to be a good husband. Well as it turns out. I am transgender. More than likely a DES baby, because of genital deformities and the Stage 3 heart disease I suffer from. Suddenly the feeling of joy and relief that came with that revelation, overwhelmed me. The weight I was carrying on my shoulders all these years disappeared. I am now starting my 5th month on HRT and the relief, being all mental makes me a much better person and even my wife appreciates it. Yes, I did get some breasts a big butt, smooth skin. I will have my electrolysis completed in the next month or two and then I will consider coming out full time.

You are not alone Natty. And that is one of the best pieces of information of all.
Dawn

DawnOday, ghostbees, V M: Thanks for your kind welcome!

Quote from: princesitanatty on January 16, 2017, 03:30:34 PM
DawnOday, ghostbees, V M: Thanks for your kind welcome!

You're welcome [emoji4]
I hope I you had a good day


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Dena: I'd like to ask if there are any books/articles/blogs about (or oriented to) "effeminate gays" and/or "MtF transgender/crossdresser persons who are sexually attracted to men". I mean it in a very wide sense: self-help books, scientific studies, surveys, general information... Anything. Do you know? If you don't: Can I ask this question in the Forum? Which is the correct Section for posting this question?

I think part of the problem is you are overthinking this issue. Gender identity and sexual preference are completely separate from each other. It is acceptable after a transition for you to prefer men or women. We have a number of MTFs on the site who are sexually attracted to men and many but not all were gay before the transition. On the other side, many MTFs have remained married to their wife in what is now considered a lesbian relationship.

This was true as far back as the early 80's when I transitioned and while we were asked what our sexual preference would be, it wasn't a factor in determining if a transition would be appropriate for us. The question was only asked to make us consider what our future would be like. In my case, the response was asexual and it remains so today.

An additional consideration is that some people are bisexual and if so, their preference might change as the result of the transition. The still remain bisexual but they realize the other gender has more appeal to them.

To determine if you are transgender, you should only ask one question, are you comfortable with your birth gender. If you are not, you would fall in to the transgender family. After that's decided, then attempt to answer the sexual preference question. It's really that simple.

Another possibility come to mind after rereading your post and that is being non binary but still having attraction to your birth gender. Again, we have MTF members that present fully feminine but have decided to forgo bottom surgery.

So to start out, how you want/wish to express your gender identity and do you see surgery in the cards for you?

I don't think that I am overthinking. These cognitive interests are also a part of me, and I don't think I have to neglect them. They might be too much for you, but they are fine for me. In fact, I hope I can find some friends (in this forum, or elsewhere) who share these interests. I accept that you don't have these interests, we are unique persons and that's ok.
I don't want a surgery, that's off the cards. What I want is having some friends with whom I can talk about different problems and experiences, and share feelings and thoughts and interests.

Hi, Natty!

I sort of doubt it's too much for Dena, or most others here.  It just never really comes up as a big issue in the transgender community.

Many of my MtF acquaintances were attracted to women before transition, and continue to be attracted to women.  Some others were attracted to men beforehand, and continue to be attracted to men.  Some folks were attracted to women before transition, and are now attracted to men.

The topic gets talked about from time to time. Most folks think that who we go to bed as, and who we go to bed with are two different things.  Some of the studies of brain structure and activity even point to different areas of the brain being involved in gender attraction vs gender identity.

I've heard the most interesting discussions around those who change the gender they are attracted to during transition.  On the gender attraction spectrum, it may be that they were bi, but not self-aware of that.  Transition can open us up to new thinking and self-realization, and perhaps the latent bi folks are just showing their flexibility.

Like I said before, it's just not a big deal.


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I have been a moderator on this site for about a year and a half. Something I never expected was to develop a sense of when a thread is destine to receive moderator action and to determine that on only one or two posts. TOS 5,9,10 and 15 are common called as a set when a discussion starts drifting in the direction you are attempting to take this thread.

Each person defines ->-bleeped-<- in their own way. Goals may different from one person to the next and attempting to conform them to one standard is the recipe for an unsatisfactory transition. The best procedure I have found is to determine what is correct for you is to break into what you need and what you don't care about then target those things in your transition. There are members who have had surgery without changing their presentation and others who have changed their presentation without surgery. Some even chose only HRT to suppress the dysphoria and remain in their birth gender.

Something you may not be aware of is ->-bleeped-<- is a physical condition. It's the result of physical brain differences that are affected by testosterone or estrogen. It isn't the result of psychological issues though therapy helps to deal with the adjustment issues caused by the condition. Attempts to analyze or alter gender identity or sexual preference will fail because of their physical origin.