Has anyone ever experienced that?

Sure, people are people. Educating them is the answer, just like it is outside of our community. 

Hugs, Devlyn

Absolutely. There are always going to be jealous people and folks who treat others differently.

I would imagine so.  Not just over looks, but also with where we are in life sometimes.  From a woman's perspective, we are naturally competitive creatures...sometimes to our detriment.

O-M-G, yesss... 

It gets pretty sickening..

Thanks! I'm happy that I'm not the only one. The wisdom here is everything I swear.   

Oh heck yes. "If you're not transgender the way I am transgender then you're not really transgender." I see it almost every day on one forum or another.

I see it here too. The insistence that full transition is the ONLY way to be happy in the end is a common theme on this forum. After poking around for a while I have found whole communities of trans folks who are very happy without transitioning, or are happy on only HRT, and have been for decades. This board seems to be populated mostly by those who did find full transition was their answer, and that's okay. It is this board's "speciality." I stay because of the invaluable information I have found, and because it was the first forum I have been involved in. Susan's Place is an amazing resource for trans issues, even for those who have no interest in a full transition.

It's just one of the reasons I left San Francisco.

Heck, yes.  Whacky stuff like Cailan reports, other tunnel vision stuff from 'siloed communities', where folks just pay attention to each other and not the world outside.  I've gotten the 'not trans enough' thing for using pads in the bra.  I've gotten it for not being on HRT while presenting as female.  I've gotten it for not having any surgeries yet.

I've seen it in trans gatherings.  I've seen it in support groups.  It's ugly.

Many, perhaps most transgender folks seem satisfied by just occasionally presenting as themselves, the so-called cross-dressers.  They're perfectly nice folks, and fun to be with at events.  I'm really happy they've found a way to cope, often keeping their Significant Others, careers, and families while scratching that itch.  Some folks get enough from low dose HRT that they do just fine without disrupting their lives.

I'm a little bit jealous of them, actually.  I wish I could have done that, and kept my old life.

People seem to have a drive to find a difference and use it to make themselves feel superior to others.  That's a sad thing, but it seems to be a real phenomenon. 

There are many paths through life.  We each need to find ours, and not judge others who find theirs.


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I face it more from our community then I do the cis world.

Quote from: cheryl reeves on January 31, 2017, 11:06:09 PM
I face it more from our community then I do the cis world.

That was my experience exactly. Also the reason I left all trans spaces even before going full-time.

But I have found this site to be very nice, with great mods, and a very supportive, open-minded community of gender-variant individuals and allies. I can't say enough about how surprised I am by the general openness I find here, even when opinions differ. Very civil, very moderate.

I am glad I took a chance and registered.

Thank you, all of you!

Missy

Quote from: Cailan Jade on January 31, 2017, 09:03:30 PM
Oh heck yes. "If you're not transgender the way I am transgender then you're not really transgender." I see it almost every day on one forum or another.

I see it here too. The insistence that full transition is the ONLY way to be happy in the end is a common theme on this forum. After poking around for a while I have found whole communities of trans folks who are very happy without transitioning, or are happy on only HRT, and have been for decades. This board seems to be populated mostly by those who did find full transition was their answer, and that's okay. It is this board's "speciality." I stay because of the invaluable information I have found, and because it was the first forum I have been involved in. Susan's Place is an amazing resource for trans issues, even for those who have no interest in a full transition.

In my experience of the Forum and of the members I would put your comments slightly differently. There are those who have GCS and discuss it and there are those who have GCS and don't discuss it and those who do not have GCS and don't discuss it.

Certainly there is no bias from staff as to what an individual or a group decide how they wish to proceed in their lives. For many members it is a very private matter and one that I of course respect.

I absolutely have, which is why I don't have many trans friends. All the amounts of hate that I have received for looking "very fish and feminine" with not being on hormones (just started less than a week ago).. to not having to worry about finances when it comes to laser, hormones, general cosmetic hygiene, surgeries, etc.

The biggest one I got was because since I don't live my life as a trans woman, I must not be proud of being who I am. I am very proud of who I am, in fact I don't seem to give myself the credit I deserve, but just because I don't walk around screaming that I am transgender doesn't mean I should get the hate... especially within our community where support is the MOST important thing.

Quote from: jjordann on February 01, 2017, 12:57:23 AM
.. to not having to worry about finances when it comes to laser, hormones, general cosmetic hygiene, surgeries, etc.

This exact thing is what I've had the most from trans people in my own country, the financial thing.

You know, I do genuinely feel bad for.. I don't even know how to say it, being 'loaded'? I'm not rich or anything, but I am unusually financially secure for my age. At 25 I have and earn enough that I didn't need to consider finances when I wanted to start laser for my facial hair last year, I just did it.. Many other trans people here have no choice but wait for their application to the government to go through so most of the costs are covered.

And I DO feel bad about it, ashamed! I no longer really mention it when people within my country and community ask me about it, because I hate the sort of anger I've gotten in return.. It doesn't help that I try to explain how much I appreciate the incredibly fortunate situation I'm in. I absolutely recognize that being a spoiled brat is going to help me get a lot of things without any effort, that others are going to work very hard for.. And I hate that. I wish everyone had the opportunity that I do, to always pay for their HRT and laser, and get the surgeries they want in a timely fashion from professionals.

I feel real shame and I understand why people despise me for it.. But I do wish they would just keep the bile to themselves, cause I already know its unfair and unjust and sadly I don't have the kind of money to pay for them too. It kinda hurts when they keep poking on it.

Forgive me my long winded rant, I was a bit triggered by what you said

Yes it's there, I'm not "really transexual" for liking punk rock, riding a Harley, interested in muscle cars, not wearing make up etc. Doing a gradual transition caused me a lot of earache, I grew my hair out, did a big chunk of electrolysis & was on HRT for 22 months before transition.

Quote from: Michelle_P on January 31, 2017, 11:02:41 PM
Heck, yes.  Whacky stuff like Cailan reports, other tunnel vision stuff from 'siloed communities', where folks just pay attention to each other and not the world outside.  I've gotten the 'not trans enough' thing for using pads in the bra.  I've gotten it for not being on HRT while presenting as female.  I've gotten it for not having any surgeries yet.

I've seen it in trans gatherings.  I've seen it in support groups.  It's ugly.

Many, perhaps most transgender folks seem satisfied by just occasionally presenting as themselves, the so-called cross-dressers.  They're perfectly nice folks, and fun to be with at events.  I'm really happy they've found a way to cope, often keeping their Significant Others, careers, and families while scratching that itch.  Some folks get enough from low dose HRT that they do just fine without disrupting their lives.

I'm a little bit jealous of them, actually.  I wish I could have done that, and kept my old life.

People seem to have a drive to find a difference and use it to make themselves feel superior to others.  That's a sad thing, but it seems to be a real phenomenon. 

There are many paths through life.  We each need to find ours, and not judge others who find theirs.


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+1

I don't have a "Transness" scale, they are who they are and I am no position to judge anyone. It is journey to scratch my itch, as was so well put, by Michelle

Liz 

I suppose I was lucky to find Susan's Place first. I have found everyone here to be really polite and helpful to myself and everyone else. I hadn't even realized there was this discrimination within the community until the subject was mentioned on some posts.

I can however admit to my own being jealous of others. I hate to feel that way but it does come up. I think it's pretty normal for females anyway. I've had jealous feelings pop up toward other women my whole life. Wishing I had a body like this girl or was pretty like that girl. There's a mom at my kids school who ALWAYS has everything done and perfect. She must spend 20 minutes every morning just doing her daughters hair. It drives me nuts but guess what, she drives all the other working moms nuts too.  So yeh, I get jealous feelings sometimes towards some of the girls here. I'm also very proud of them, happy for them, and wish them the best in life. I find everyone here to be an inspiration. I also long to reach the point of just living that it seems some have reached. I think these are all perfectly natural emotions.

It's important for any community to be "adult" enough to put jealousy away and support each other instead. That is what I have found here from everyone at Susan's Place.

Luv you all 

Back in the day, the biggest divide was between those who passed and those who didn't.  Now, of course, there are always exceptions -- but in general, those who didn't pass were jealous of those who did, and those who passed tended to discriminate against those who didn't -- namely, there would be no social contact out in public.

I think this is probably still true today.

Quote from: Sophia Sage on February 01, 2017, 09:58:48 AM
Back in the day, the biggest divide was between those who passed and those who didn't.  Now, of course, there are always exceptions -- but in general, those who didn't pass were jealous of those who did, and those who passed tended to discriminate against those who didn't -- namely, there would be no social contact out in public.

I think this is probably still true today.

Absolutely.  Amusingly enough, that means all my company in social environments outside the trans social support group (all not passing) are ciswomen. 

Passing transwomen with whom I have worked or have known in group therapy don't even acknowledge my existence.  Not really surprising, though.  I'm a risk.  When I get clocked, folks will also wonder about anyone I am with.  Passing transwomen don't want to lose privilege because of someone they are with.

Ciswomen don't think about 'failing to pass.'


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