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Worried about men/fitting in after transitioning

Started by lc100, January 23, 2017, 05:33:34 PM

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CMD042414

Quote from: alienbodybuilder on January 29, 2017, 02:23:11 PM
I also worry about in the future when I start transitioning will I make a good man? I feel inadequate having lived my life as a woman and a physically weak one at that. I'm not good at mechanical stuff or athletic but I would like to be. One of the things I'd like to do is take carpentry classes some day.
I work at a college. I meet young people all day. So many cis guys are not athletic and/or are bad at mechanical things. Like more than most. Being born with a penis doesn't mean they have a manual given with their birth certificates on how to do "man" stuff. Pre transition I wasn't good at mechanical stuff at all. Now I have a full set of tools and I'm going to remodel my bathroom with a friend. Like FTMax said, I YouTubed it. Cis guys that are good with cars, and tools, and building things would probably say they learned by doing and asking.

You know the best part of being trans in the world we're in now is how much more freedom society has given to be the kind of man you want to be. I only socialize in cis majority spaces now. Guys are up front about saying I'm not good with my hands at all or I'm not into cars or sports. And no one bats an eyelash.
Started T: April 2014
Top Surgery: June 2014
Hysterectomy: August 2015
Phalloplasty: Stage 1-August 2018
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Kylo

Yeah you can teach yourself pretty much anything. At one point my parents went to the library and pulled everything on carpentry and guitar making, bought a few startup tools and started their own luthiery business. Took my dad about a year and a half to learn to make a guitar and lute by hand making all the molds himself in the medieval technique, and for ten years after that he was making/selling them professionally to well-known guitarists. By doing it he also became a damn good carpenter and built most of our furniture.  You just need the desire to learn and a few basic tools/wood/workbench to get started.
"If the freedom of speech is taken away, then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter."
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KarlMars

Quote from: CMD042414 on January 29, 2017, 09:51:38 PM
I work at a college. I meet young people all day. So many cis guys are not athletic and/or are bad at mechanical things. Like more than most. Being born with a penis doesn't mean they have a manual given with their birth certificates on how to do "man" stuff. Pre transition I wasn't good at mechanical stuff at all. Now I have a full set of tools and I'm going to remodel my bathroom with a friend. Like FTMax said, I YouTubed it. Cis guys that are good with cars, and tools, and building things would probably say they learned by doing and asking.

You know the best part of being trans in the world we're in now is how much more freedom society has given to be the kind of man you want to be. I only socialize in cis majority spaces now. Guys are up front about saying I'm not good with my hands at all or I'm not into cars or sports. And no one bats an eyelash.

Thanks, I'm sure you're right.

KarlMars

Quote from: Kylo on January 30, 2017, 05:21:08 AM
Yeah you can teach yourself pretty much anything. At one point my parents went to the library and pulled everything on carpentry and guitar making, bought a few startup tools and started their own luthiery business. Took my dad about a year and a half to learn to make a guitar and lute by hand making all the molds himself in the medieval technique, and for ten years after that he was making/selling them professionally to well-known guitarists. By doing it he also became a damn good carpenter and built most of our furniture.  You just need the desire to learn and a few basic tools/wood/workbench to get started.
The problem with the carpentry thing is space. I live in a small 1 bedroom apartment. I might have to weight 20 years or until I have my own home with a yard.

Dena

Quote from: alienbodybuilder on February 10, 2017, 02:37:27 PM
The problem with the carpentry thing is space. I live in a small 1 bedroom apartment. I might have to weight 20 years or until I have my own home with a yard.
Some cities have hobby shops or wood shops that have every piece of equipment you could want. For a fee you can have access to the shop and work on any project you desire. The word "Maker" may be associated with shops of this nature. Turn out a few items for yourself, a few for family or friends and you might be ready to sell a few items. Wood work is not very  difficult as long as you are willing to spend the time to do it right. When you get in a hurry is when the quality goes down hill.
Rebirth Date 1982 - PMs are welcome - Use [email]dena@susans.org[/email] or Discord if your unable to PM - Skype is available - My Transition
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Kylo

Quote from: alienbodybuilder on February 10, 2017, 02:37:27 PM
The problem with the carpentry thing is space. I live in a small 1 bedroom apartment. I might have to weight 20 years or until I have my own home with a yard.

My place is tiny. But, I craft for a living, there's no avoiding it. Divided the main room into one section for a lounge and the rest behind it is my desks/workspaces. Not ideal but can be done. Carpentry is messy, but if you put sheets down you can get the sawdust and chips up easy.
"If the freedom of speech is taken away, then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter."
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Clever

I'm very nervous around straight cis guys, still. try to get through my interactions as quickly as possible.

But I never had many cis guy friends. The few cis guy friends I've had been queer. There are no rules that say you have to hang out with only dudes after you start to transition. I hang out almost entirely with women. Stay with the people who make you feel most comfortable. It's not like transitioning makes you a different person on the inside--just on the outside. :)


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mac1

Quote from: VictorMike on January 23, 2017, 07:48:08 PM
I am one year on T and pass about 85% of the time.  ................

Also trying to observe how guys pee without getting my ass kicked for being overly watchful has been tricky.  I have a pretty good STP and can pee standing up without much difficulty but find that I prefer the stahl than the urinal because I still like to wipe after.  in the stahl they see my feet facing the toilet and can't see me wipe.  ..............

keep living your truth.

Peeing would not be a problem if you can be comfortable with sitting. The other men will not take notice if you sit but they might if you are seen using a STP at a urinal.

I still present as male but have sat full time since 1997 and nobody has taken notice.  The biggest problem is the lack of stalls in most men's restrooms. It would be nice if I could use the female restroom.
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mac1

Quote from: lc100 on January 23, 2017, 05:33:34 PM

Despite knowing these things, my emotions just run wild when I think about having only male roommates, etc.

I'm also worried about not fitting in with them once I look the part. I'm not used to the standards placed on men because I did not grow up as one. The thought of having to learn all that is exciting but scary. I'm scared I'll be too feminine for them in some way or another.
.....................

Most men don't take that much notice in casual situations.

What is your situation where you will have male roommates?  Under that situation it might more difficult to keep your condition private (using restroom, showering, changing clothes, etc.).
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MeTony

Men aren't very hard to understand. I have grouped with male since birth. At school, at work, in hobbies. Men are easier to befriend than women. Women are so complex, overthinking situations, having emotions included in every thought. Men are simple, either it is ok or it is not. That is my oppinion.
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MeTony

Quote from: MeTonie on February 15, 2017, 01:25:13 AM
Men aren't very hard to understand. I have grouped with male since birth. At school, at work, in hobbies. Men are easier to befriend than women. Women are so complex, overthinking situations, having emotions included in every thought. Men are simple, either it is ok or it is not. That is my oppinion.

I don't want anyone to be angry now. I have seen this at work. I am a supervisor at work and have a lot of contact with my co workers.
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