Quote from: Tink on February 23, 2007, 09:39:10 PM

There isn't a single valid reason why a transsexual shouldn't transition!  Not one!

i concord

As I agree Natasha, ultimately the thing that holds me back the most is money, and my housing situation.

Neither would be appropiate right now for me to transition.

I have a neighboor whose front door is two feet from mine and he is not a good person and I would feel very unsafe here, also I live with my girlfriend of two years, and the relationship is over, I am sleeping on the couch, and life is hell.

I just need to wait 3-4 months and move out then I can start fresh.

Also I am saving money like a mad woman, in hopes that when I get fired by the redneck a holes I work for, I will be ok finacially, until I find some 10 an hour job to support myself decently (I hope).

Quote from: maragirlygirr on January 26, 2008, 07:26:09 PM
As I agree Natasha, ultimately the thing that holds me back the most is money, and my housing situation.

little by little is the key   i know people who have transitioned in one year (they've done everything, hormones, ffs, grs, breast implants) i also know people who have done it slowly.  a girl i know started to live fulltime in 1985, she just had grs about three years ago..that's a twenty year wait & that's ok as long as you know where you are going..

All of my reasons have really been touched upon by others...but anyway, in no particular order:

1)  I might lose my place to live.  I live with my parents and they might kick me out.  I'm saving my money to move out, but I have a few more months of saving to go before it is really possible.  I think I would also feel much more comfortable if I were living on my own when I start to transition, I wouldn't have to feel like I'm hiding and I could really live how I want and I can't do that now.
2)  I could easily get fired over it.  I am committed to going back to school this fall to finish my degree, and my company will pay all my tuition and half of my other costs...so I really can't afford to lose that on top of losing my income...basically I know I'm costing my company extra cash, so even though I know I'm doing great there, I get paranoid that they'll look for reasons to get rid of me.  I need more savings in the bank before I can take that risk.
3)  It is going to cost a lot for me to start to physically transition.  I am doing anything and everything I can right now that doesn't cost me anything, but that really isn't much
4)  I'm absolutely terrified of how I will be perceived by society.  I have no real self confidence as it is right now, so I kind of think I will collapse under not being seen as a person by some.

There are more reasons than these, little reasons, but these are the big ones.  I'm really excited this year though because unless I screw up pretty big, I won't have to worry about 1 & 3 too much longer   One step at a time...

I know these are all things that are delaying me, not outright stopping me.  I don't like having to deny myself my actual life, but I guess I feel like I need to secure my ability to ever be able to live that life first.

Why I haven't transitioned or gotten help yet?

Everything in the official system designed to resist me and yet I despite this I don't know for certain what side I'm on Or what I even am... Although I'm never happy begin male, Sometimes it just doesn't hurt, other times My body is so painful and obviously wrong I feel sick, guilty and angry for even thinking I could carry on and live this way.

Even if doing nothing is undesirable in any light (Neutrality-Horror vs Potential happiness) everyone I know expects me to hold on... And because I hate myself I will do that alone even if it means my ultimate collapse.

QuoteAlthough I'm never happy begin male, Sometimes it just doesn't hurt, other times My body is so painful and obviously wrong I feel sick, guilty and angry for even thinking I could carry on and live this way.

GID doesn't need to be painful on a 24/7 basis to be considered valid. You know, I didn't think about it in my sleep and in a lot of my life, but a lot of events would bring it to the forefront. It got most painful when I realized I had no future as is. And that's not because I couldn't have the strength to cope, it's because that option felt empty to me, there was no reason for me to cope, besides living another day and pleasing others.

I agree, for me when GID peaked and hit me really hard I turned to drugs, particulary weed it made me forget what I was inside for a minute, and I still struggle with the idea that weed was able to take my mind off of the subject.

6 months sobreity has driven me insane and I cant take my body at all, plus I am changing into more and more a man every day, and I pretty much have lost my head and came hear, so far this website has been the greatest thing to help me with the struggle of my GID.

I am addicted t susans.org i guess

Quote from: Julie Marie on February 23, 2007, 11:54:52 AMI "couldn't" transition for a number of reasons

Yeah... me too... until something changed within me and I knew it was do or die.

Quote1. I"ll never pass.

This was a terrible fear... for the first two and a half years of trying, I failed. But I never gave up and kept going. Now everyone sees me as a woman. Life is good.

Quote
2. I'll be rejected by my family.

Check. Sure enough, my family has rejected me. This has been the hardest thing of all. But I couldn't let them hold me back.

Quote3. I'll be rejected by my friends.

Not an issue... I had practically no friends to begin with... and after coming out I suddenly had tons of friends. So this was actually a net gain.

Quote4. I'll be a freak in society.

This is just a subset of "passing" worries. The interesting thing about this is: I really felt like a freak before transitioning, and suffered constantly knowing I was perceived as a deviant excuse for a man. But now that I've transitioned, I feel "normal" in society for the first time in my life! A normal woman instead of a male freak.

Quote5. I don't have the courage.

For me, it wasn't even a question of courage. It was either transition... or die of pain.

Quote6. I can live okay without transitioning.

Once it became clear that I will die without transition, this excuse went right into the wastebasket.

QuoteSure, it would be wonderful to sit with my kids and talk like we used to.  But eventually I'd start feeling depressed and losing my will to live again.  So I'll keep on this path.

This is so true and is really at the core of why I took that fateful leap. They just cannot understand.

QuoteWhat stopped you or what is stopping you from transitioning?

Actually, Julie, you nailed my excuses pretty well. All those years wasted telling myself it was impossible...

the only reason i could not transition would be on count of health, other wise there is no other reason not

to transition for me

The reasons I delayed transitioning are

1. Being Married for 13 years and wife knowing nothing about how I was feeling.
2. My son and did I have the right to cause him pain, anquish, or just adversely effect his life.
3. I just wasn't ready until this last year.

I am still dealing with the whole do I have right to cause my son pain, or adversely effect his life, when he is doing so well. I was always taught that parents sacrifice for their children, not the other way around. That being said I have been on hormones for two months now and will continue to transition, but slowly until I finally decide on how to tell my son that his father is ts. I know the only way for me to have any peace, happiness in my life is to transition. I can't not transition its not a choice anymore it is who I am.

Hugz Ariana

Quote from: Natasha on January 26, 2008, 06:47:35 PM

Quote from: Tink on February 23, 2007, 09:39:10 PM

There isn't a single valid reason why a transsexual shouldn't transition!  Not one!

i concord

So does that make you a grape or an obsolete super-sonic airliner?

Posted on: 09 February 2008, 20:30:38

---

Quote from: Ariana on February 09, 2008, 09:40:35 PM
The reasons I delayed transitioning are

1. Being Married for 13 years and wife knowing nothing about how I was feeling.
2. My son and did I have the right to cause him pain, anquish, or just adversely effect his life.
3. I just wasn't ready until this last year.

I am still dealing with the whole do I have right to cause my son pain, or adversely effect his life, when he is doing so well. I was always taught that parents sacrifice for their children, not the other way around. That being said I have been on hormones for two months now and will continue to transition, but slowly until I finally decide on how to tell my son that his father is ts. I know the only way for me to have any peace, happiness in my life is to transition. I can't not transition its not a choice anymore it is who I am.

Hugz Ariana

I think the hardest person I came out to was my then teenage daughter.  She had seen gradual changes in me but never inquired about them.  We had been very close before the divorce and we remained so afterwards.  I didn't think it would destroy our relationship but you never can tell.  Finally I decided I had to come clean with her and on one of our visits we sat down to talk.

I came right out and told her that I was transgender.  She wasn't quite sure what that meant so I explained it to her.  Her reply was "Really?  I just thought you were bi".  She was concerned that she couldn't call me dad anymore and I said that was fine because that's who I was to her.  We talked a little more and the we went clothes shopping.  That has become a new activity for us.  I love shopping with her, she has an eye for what will look good on me.  I contribute with my great taste in shoes!  I picked out the shoes she wore to her prom 

We loved each other before my transition and we still do.  Our relationship changed in that now she's like best girlfriend.  I like that.

I don't think transition is right for everyone....and no one should feel that should be pushed into it by their peers......I always have admiration for those strong enough to resist it.....whatever way they are able to deal with it....

I always felt the opposite and headed for it at an early age......... but I always think of people stuck in situations where they are married or have families which makes it much harder for them..

Due to my ignorance on the matter up till about 5 or 6 years ago (we just didn't have much access to this sort of information in South Africa - Till 1990 you could still get chucked in jail for being gay...) All I knew of it were skewed depictions ala Jerry Springer in tabloidy magazines like You and Personality.

Discovering the truth of the situation through the internet while away in Taiwan opened my eyes, but I was still terrified of what people back home, especially my immediate family and my grannies, would think of me. But it just got to the point where I said to myself:

"No matter what a disaster transition might turn out to be, it can't be any worse than now."

As Tyler Durdan said in Fight Club: "Only when you lose everything are you free to do anything."

Quote from: mara on February 02, 2008, 06:32:01 PM
I agree, for me when GID peaked and hit me really hard I turned to drugs, particulary weed it made me forget what I was inside for a minute, and I still struggle with the idea that weed was able to take my mind off of the subject.

Or maybe while keeping it in mind, to feel comforted that it will be all right. To soothe one's aching nerves... help one to bear the pain of one's existence... to feel bathed in mercy and light instead of hostility and darkness... it's a great healing balm for the soul.

True yep!! Healing Balm, unfourtionalty I havent been allowed to touch the stuff for 7 months now,  but ulitmatly I dont think I will be going back to it, I mean once you a free of a substance or for that matter all substances you feel like you have a virginity, and to be honest it would feel like such a waste of alot of hard work to do it again.

Plus is the total cost really worth it...

I saw you through my blind intoxication
My shock-induced insane self-medication
--Melissa Etheridge

Up until 5 years ago I thought transition was impossible and never gave it any real serious thought.  That's when I became a cliche', I had to transition because I couldn't stand living as I had anymore.  The dam broke and nothing was going to stop me!  Been done a while now and I only wish I had reached the breaking point much sooner.  Life is soooooo much better now.

That isn't a cliché, it's just our reality. My mom is in denial and accused me of just repeating stuff I'd read in books of how transsexuals are supposed to be. Uh, no, Mom, I truly am this way. I would not fake something like this--for cryin out loud!

You may be getting more than you asked for with this response. But I think this is very helpful for me to get this all out so I'll go with the flow on this one.

I feel a deep sense of obligation to my family and so they are the major reason why I've taken very, very few steps towards transitioning.

It's complicated as my "brother," now sister, came out to our parents that she is also transgendered; which I commend her for and am very proud that she can confront what I've been ignoring for many years. However, as soon as I heard, my first thought was that the small chance I had for transitioning had disappeared. Because as I hadn't spoken up I've been on the flipside of the equation. My parents have turned to me with their thoughts and worries. I don't fear being on the opposite end of that, but I don't want to bring them through this all over again. Not to mention that my sister is still in the early stages of transitioning, and I don't want to do anything that might influence her as she's always looked up to me. I want her to make the right decision for her and not jump into something because I inadvertently put the idea in her head.

And so I try to keep things status quo.  I let my hair grow long, I wear make up and (mostly) feminine clothes. I day dream, and just dream, about being the man I see myself as and try to get use to the woman I see the mirror. For the most part I'm able to deal with it, probably because I hang onto the hope that when I'm older when my parents have passed on and everyone else's lives are settled I might be able to start working on my life.

Sorry for another mind numbing introspective post. I'm going to try and stop myself from posting anymore of those. 

Quote from: Osiris on February 13, 2008, 01:19:29 AM
You may be getting more than you asked for with this response. But I think this is very helpful for me to get this all out so I'll go with the flow on this one.

I feel a deep sense of obligation to my family and so they are the major reason why I've taken very, very few steps towards transitioning.

It's complicated as my "brother," now sister, came out to our parents that she is also transgendered; which I commend her for and am very proud that she can confront what I've been ignoring for many years. However, as soon as I heard, my first thought was that the small chance I had for transitioning had disappeared. Because as I hadn't spoken up I've been on the flipside of the equation. My parents have turned to me with their thoughts and worries. I don't fear being on the opposite end of that, but I don't want to bring them through this all over again. Not to mention that my sister is still in the early stages of transitioning, and I don't want to do anything that might influence her as she's always looked up to me. I want her to make the right decision for her and not jump into something because I inadvertently put the idea in her head.

And so I try to keep things status quo.  I let my hair grow long, I wear make up and (mostly) feminine clothes. I day dream, and just dream, about being the man I see myself as and try to get use to the woman I see the mirror. For the most part I'm able to deal with it, probably because I hang onto the hope that when I'm older when my parents have passed on and everyone else's lives are settled I might be able to start working on my life.

Sorry for another mind numbing introspective post. I'm going to try and stop myself from posting anymore of those. 

Wow Thats really a rare occurence isnt it, brother and sister are both transgendered!! There is one other time I have seen this I think you can google it and find it, I saw it on this one transgendered television show I think...

I think that is really neat, I would embrace it, after all your parents are probally gonna flip, but I think ultimatly it will help them in the long run accept your sister and ultimately you!!