Now you're getting beneath the surface and asking yourself the real questions. Keep digging. You'll amaze yourself. This is not a a day trip. This is the long haul. Like any protracted event, it involves a plan and itinerary. You can't reach a destination wthout a map and a plan. If you haven't created this itinerary yet, its time. It keeps you focused and  makes "him" a speed bump instead of a wall.

You are once again spot on. I really do want to thank you JenTay and all the rest of you who have been here listening to me about my little meltdown. I should say, when i make a post like this during a down moment I do not seek sympathy. To be honest it makes feel feel awkward to get sympathy. Its just sometimes i gotta let it out and in hope someone will slap up side the head with good ideas. And I have actually gotten a few. So thank you everyone <3

I also relized another thing to. As a kid I told myself mulitiple times ''Do not question yourself, just keep going down the road you are going on. Because if you do question yourself you will not like the answer and/or its easier to remain this way''. That mantra was in my head a lot, especially when I lived in British Columbia (birth-14 y/o). I remember back then the ''road'' I was going down was the thing that makes me queezy today, being the ''man''. And when i said that, especailly when i remeber so vividly telling myself that was either Jan or Feb 2008, around the time I started to question my gender a bit even though I still tried to be all masculine and was extremely transphobic at that time. Basically I wanted to be like my father for the longest time. 6'4, extremley powerful, no one messed with him. He in my eye was the defenition of strong and I always felt kinda weak growing up, which made me a target to many. But as i got older and started to think more of who i am, i became more suspicious of the male life as it seemed like something i just had to be, not really want to be. Yet i was also afraid of doing anything that devaited from the sterotypical gender binary. I guess i may have some stuff i am still carrying on with me from all those years ago

Again, thank you all . If I am not on this site for a bit in the near future it isnt because i am being a ''man''. I may just need a few days to myself away from here and my Facebook and such to think. You can be assured that because even on a good day i cant go longer then 20 mins as a dude without wanting to cry lol. If anyone has any more imput on this situation or to suggest more tools for my brain i am all ears. Again, thank you all and thanks for reading yet another long rambling post <3

I know i am non binary and yeah sometimes I hate my male side.  But I accepted who I was.  I have my male moments but everytime I think hard... I tell myself,  I can never be 100% male I can never go back.   My 100% male side was weak.   Being a more sensitive feminine made me a stronger person in a way.   When does my male side come out?  When it needs to protect Mika.  That's how I use my fluidity. Does that make sense?

Sent from my Nexus 6P using Tapatalk

Ashley, try some of the mindfulness exercises that are online. You may be surprised at what you discover about yourself once you get your head in a calm, quiet place.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Hi,
Im not sure why I am even posting after so many wonderful suggestions. And I, for one, know I am not the brightest person here to offer suggestions. Only to say I have been facing those same demons. And they come in the middle of the day, in the middle of the night, any time of day. And I haven't been able to stop them completely. But I have learned that they are coming less often now. I have been able to deal with it much easier the past few months. I'm not even sure why, except that I just try to stay positive and not listen to the demons until they give up on me and go away once again.
One of the things I leaned that personally helps me, is to do something feminine for myself that day. Like you, I detest body hair!!! Did I say detest? What is a stronger word for that? Anyway, I make it a point to get rid of all the male body hair I can. From the neck down to the ankles, and as close a facial shave as I can. It doesnt have to be shaving...its just one concept that I find that helps me get over the demonoid period! Something to remind myself that I AM A GIRL!
Lets learn it together, ok? Like you, I am still trying to learn how to fight it also. We can learn together!
Roni

Quote from: Mikka55 on March 06, 2017, 02:35:25 PM
I know i am non binary and yeah sometimes I hate my male side.  But I accepted who I was.  I have my male moments but everytime I think hard... I tell myself,  I can never be 100% male I can never go back.   My 100% male side was weak.   Being a more sensitive feminine made me a stronger person in a way.   When does my male side come out?  When it needs to protect Mika.  That's how I use my fluidity. Does that make sense?

Sent from my Nexus 6P using Tapatalk

Non-Binary eh? cool stuff ! I sent you a PM so lets have a chit chat there ^^

Quote from: Michelle_P on March 06, 2017, 03:02:14 PM
Ashley, try some of the mindfulness exercises that are online. You may be surprised at what you discover about yourself once you get your head in a calm, quiet place.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I will, I am off tomorrow so i will have a whole day to look up these things. Thanks again for everything Michelle, you are one of my Gaurdian trans-angels on this site xoxox <3

Quote from: Roni-jalyn on March 06, 2017, 03:16:52 PM
Hi,
Im not sure why I am even posting after so many wonderful suggestions. And I, for one, know I am not the brightest person here to offer suggestions. Only to say I have been facing those same demons. And they come in the middle of the day, in the middle of the night, any time of day. And I haven't been able to stop them completely. But I have learned that they are coming less often now. I have been able to deal with it much easier the past few months. I'm not even sure why, except that I just try to stay positive and not listen to the demons until they give up on me and go away once again.
One of the things I leaned that personally helps me, is to do something feminine for myself that day. Like you, I detest body hair!!! Did I say detest? What is a stronger word for that? Anyway, I make it a point to get rid of all the male body hair I can. From the neck down to the ankles, and as close a facial shave as I can. It doesnt have to be shaving...its just one concept that I find that helps me get over the demonoid period! Something to remind myself that I AM A GIRL!
Lets learn it together, ok? Like you, I am still trying to learn how to fight it also. We can learn together!
Roni

Thanks Roni! It is delightful to know I am not crazy, and i would love to meet someone going through the same delimia I have and more importantly, concur it!! Before we can PM ya gotta have 15 posts tho, so.. get on it <3

cant wait to chat with ya soon <3