I've read several threads of girls standing on the precipice, afraid to jump. 'Do I, don't I?' 'Do I tell the wife or not?'
Some are on the train and as they leave the comfort of their hometown, they suddenly want to get off.
In both instances, fear is the overriding factor. Fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear of failure.

Ultimately, no one can make the decision but you. And your decision affects no one here but you.
It's all down to you and you alone.

However this article may help crystalise things for you and give you the clarity - and push - that you need.

http://born.uk.com/regrets-vicki-sixx/

I wish I could really finish it..... "Do I have the balls...?"  The root of my existential crises....

It's really not that complicated. I will never quit. Everything else can be worked out, negotiated, etc. The point is if you really know who you are, you have to be that person. I don't fear failure or anything else. I'm extremely motivated and happy with the progress I make. There is no way I can fail. I'm being me, and I'm happy with the best me I can be. I understand there is some collateral damage. But, I'm not ever going to quit on me and pretend to be something I'm not for the rest of my life. But, one has to be really sure this is who they are, not some phase, or some fetish thing, etc. You need to feel this from your soul. It needs to be deep and profound. You need to feel that you are finally home.

I'm with Sinclair, can't quit, agonized about deciding to start for long enough that once this decision is made it's done, I'll do what it takes from there.

The only thing that's trouble for me is work, anyone else's opinion won't affect my ability to survive and continue doing this, which is why I'm not shaving my beard yet, there's already rumors just because I let my hair grow out and started losing weight. I still did plan to do it before my first endocrinologist appointment, but that was supposed to be in four months, not tomorrow!

It's great that some of you have no issues and no plans on quitting, in which case this thread isn't for you. Many, many girls don't have your strength, determination and certainty, day after day someone posts looking for guidance and advice as they struggle with their being, and it's those girls I'm trying to reach.

Quote from: vicki_sixx on May 04, 2017, 03:45:19 AM
It's great that some of you have no issues and no plans on quitting, in which case this thread isn't for you. Many, many girls don't have your strength, determination and certainty, day after day someone posts looking for guidance and advice as they struggle with their being, and it's those girls I'm trying to reach.

We aren't trying to undermine your work, on the contrary our experiences may help obviate the need to be persistent in this endeavor! It's a great article too, I've heard of that doctor's work but never saw it applied in this context.

Quote from: Daniellekai on May 04, 2017, 08:46:22 AM
We aren't trying to undermine your work, on the contrary our experiences may help obviate the need to be persistent in this endeavor! It's a great article too, I've heard of that doctor's work but never saw it applied in this context.

Cheers. I didn't mean to imply you were being difficult. 

Thanks Vicki for sharing this.  Your words of encouragement and guidance on my thread about my doubts were invaluable to me and this article is equally resonant for me. I'm struggling with what seems to be the death of my marriage, with a wife who swore while I was discovering my gender identity that she'd never blame me or hate me yet is now doing both. But I've turned a corner.  I'm no longer taking on her moods as my own.  I'm no longer allowing her to cast blame on me, tell me how I chose to do this and how I'm doing this to her without challenging her in a calm yet firm manner. Your guidance has played a role in my ability to do that (of course so did some good discussion with my therapist).

Thank you so much Alyssa and i am glad you are no longer feeling to blame for your wife's hostility. You are right in that  you'll both be struggling with the 'death' of your marriage because to her, and others in your life, death is taking place. the man she (and they) knew is going away and out is coming this beautiful woman. To you it is an awakening - a metamorphosis from caterpillar to butterfly - and that is exactly what is going on. The real you is finally coming to the fore. However, to those who loved the caterpillar, they are mourning its loss. It is not her fault that she is feeling this way, she is hurting, but you are right not to dictate to you nor make you feel bad. You cannot feel bad about a wonderful butterfly spreading its wings.

My wife's early support was the only thing that set me free at first. While her feelings toward have changed some, I continue mostly with confidence that this is the only path for me.

Honestly though, everyone here has helped me through my darkest points. Without everyone's understanding, without finding you all with common experiences, I would not have kept down the only path that can provide that personal freedom we all seek.

I finally went to the group in St. Louis last night. It is so affirming to sit down with other trans women, face to face, and talk about life. I wish I had the time last night to go to dinner with many of them.

I personally am thankful for everyone here. Without each other the world is cold and desolate for many of us.

I love this so much!!  I've been having doubts - "What if I'm still not happy," "What if I'm making a mistake," "What if I can't pass..."  But when I let my true self step in, I know I am a Trans woman, and I will deeply regret it if I do not transition.  I've only started HRT three weeks ago, but it seems more questions have been coming up since starting, than were there before. 

But it is so true, I only have one life.  I want to do everything possible to be the closest to my true self I can.

Vicki you look gorgeous in your new avi!

Quote from: Charlie Nicki on May 08, 2017, 11:27:07 AM
Vicki you look gorgeous in your new avi!

Thank you babe! So do you xxx

Great post and will be encouragement to many i am sure. Shakespeare was giving real advice with the "to thine own self " line.

Quote from: vicki_sixx on May 08, 2017, 11:42:11 AM
Thank you babe! So do you xxx

Oh honey I wish that was me! lol. It's not, it's a beautiful drag queen called Farrah Moan, goals tbh.

I agree Vicki. Your looks are goals girl xoxo

-Ashley

I don't have doubts about transitioning at this point. I would like to share that for over 50 years I had tremendous doubt. I was tormented by doubt, flying between believing and doubting. I think that is very common. I managed to get past it though. Unfortunately, like you say Vicky, I fell victim, by my own doing, to not living life to the fullest, to hiding, and being ashamed. I would say that for me, I finally realized that I couldn't take that kind of life any more. I had no idea transitioning would be right, or if I was truly trans. It was a situation where I was miserable, guaranteed, why not explore the possibility that I could be happy. I looked back at my life. My female side had always been pleasurable. (No wonder I couldn't stop it) The thing that was making me feel horrible was my denial, shame, and fear. I asked myself an important question. "Is there any part of being a guy that was compelling me to stay a guy." For me, that answer was no. Was the thought of transitioning scary? Oh yes! I was convinced I would lose everyone I told. I sympathize with those who face that now. It is spooky to the max. What helped give me the boost I needed was seeing trans people on online videos who were actually happy. It is powerful to know that good outcomes can and do happen. I started to believe I could be happy too. As part of my soul searching, I did a journal. I let my male and female selves have there own voice.  This was a good way to get a  new perspective. I watched every step I took. Did I enjoy expressing my feminine side? If I felt weird, was it because of fear or shame or was it just not right for me. I think a powerful tool for figuring out what is right for  someone is identifying what emotional reactions are driven by fear.
   I know this is getting long winded. I thought maybe someone questioning their status might benefit by seeing that an old questioner like me can finally make the jump and be happy living as a transitioned trans person. At least that is my intention.
Moni

I had a heck of a rocky start, between difficulties dealing with myself, rejection by my ex-spouse, and more recently, rejection for being 'not trans enough'.  Transition can definitely be scary.

The thing is, I am happier now, after HRT for almost a year, and a half year of RLE, than I ever was in my adult life.  That counts for something.  When the Doubt Monster rears up, it is pretty easy to laugh at it and leave the doubts behind.  "Are you crazy?"  "I'd have to be crazy to willingly go back to that misery, that dead end life without hope."

I won't be quitting.  Any doubts raised within my mind are transitory, spurious bits of noise from remnants of my old life that I can ignore.

Moni,

Your entire post was epic to the max and I only wish I'd spoken to you a year ago. You encapsulate everything so brilliantly and the fact that you've gone to the Other Side and concur with what I, someone who hasn't, should go a long way to assuring girls that the advice provided in the article is sound.

Quote from: HappyMoni on May 08, 2017, 09:29:08 PM
Unfortunately, like you say Vicky, I fell victim, by my own doing, to not living life to the fullest, to hiding, and being ashamed.

Exactly!!!

Quote"Is there any part of being a guy that was compelling me to stay a guy."

This is really powerful and is a question I hadn't considered in all my wrangling and turmoil I sort of touched on it by proxy but never in such a defined and succinct way. This, to me, is startling and I am shamelessly going to steal it and include it in further advice

QuoteIf I felt weird, was it because of fear or shame or was it just not right for me. I think a powerful tool for figuring out what is right for  someone is identifying what emotional reactions are driven by fear.

Yet again, another fantastic insight. I - and therefore others, I am sure - have had their heads mashed about whether they should transition or not, and have both ran towards it and then ran away again, and the one thing I didn't recognise fully is where the fear is coming from. Yes, I acknowledged the reaction of others, failure to pass and being alone as being fear-driven reasons to stay as a boy but I didn't recognise that if it wasn't for these fears, I'd be happy to transition. In other words, transition itself was not the problem - just my acceptance by wider society.

QuoteI know this is getting long winded. I thought maybe someone questioning their status might benefit

Absolutely not long-winded at all, Moni just epicness

I quit when I was 15, in 1979.  Started re-thinking and exploring a few years ago, and then laser, and now almost complete on a lot of electrolysis.  I had my hormones tested a couple weeks ago.  Test results (pre-HRT) shocked me into making my first appointment with a gender counselor for later this week - my numbers are too low for either gender in my age bracket.  (I think non-binary people are fine, but pre-HRT hormone measurements are reported with a male or female range).  I seem to be accelerating and I'm fine with that.

If this community and access to information had existed in 1979, I firmly believe my own transition would not have a 35 year gap. 

Kendra