Quote from: Charlie Nicki on June 08, 2017, 09:02:19 AMI think this is really dangerous, not only that but I disagree with having a serious relationship with someone you can't be fully honest to.

I was fully honest in all these relationships -- because the truth is that I'm female.  Always have been, always will be.  The narrative of "trans" in this society generally does a disservice to my core truth. 

Again, how to go about this really depends on your core truth... as well as being in a place, both physically and socially, where you always elicit the proper gendering.

QuoteI can't say I don't understand how someone can be upset if finding out their significant other has been hiding something so important from them for such a long time.

I will not live my life out of fear.  I will follow my bliss.

Quote from: Sophia Sage on June 08, 2017, 07:19:23 AM
Just the very act of disclosure can be jeopardizing... and then the story can spread like wildfire.  It doesn't make sense to me to be the one to light the match.

If you're being gendered correctly (100% of the time), and "loose lips" have been effectively compartmentalized or excised from your life, and you're completely confident in your own personal truth of being on the binary (as opposed to somewhere outside or in-between) it's very unlikely that anyone new in your life is going to clock you.

In the meantime, a relationship can develop that isn't predicated on a medical history.  It takes time to get to know people.  Time to discover if this is even something worth pursuing on its own merits.  There's a lot of incompatible people out there.  I've dated guys only to realize I wouldn't want to date them again -- whether it's because of politics, or religion, or philosophy, or aesthetics, or that he's just not someone I enjoy having a conversation with.  Or that he's a bigot.  Sometimes it takes several dates to make such discoveries. 

And, conversely, if y'all fall in love, and disclosure happens (by either party), there's a much better chance IMO the relationship won't falter.  A dear friend of mine got outed six months into a love affair -- she never left the city of her birth -- but the world didn't fall apart.  She gave him 1 week to talk about it, and then it was not to be discussed ever again.  He was impressed by the strength of her convictions!  They married within a couple years.  Still together nearly 15 years later. 

I refuse to live my life out of fear.  Instead, I will follow my bliss.

Great post, everybody's situation is different, takes time to get to know a person, in my expereince early disclosure ended the relationship, but you'll know and only you will know the right time.
I didn't tell my fiancé till he proposed marriage, he was a bit surprised and shocked but we worked it out, we're now married 7 years this year, if I had disclosed on my first date with him, I douth if the relationship would have developed the way it did, but we had got to know each other over time, he fell in love with a woman with a history that we never discuss, it's not an issue now, his work colleagues and friends don't know, they don't have to know, people can still be very ignorant and intolerant, he would be afraid of ridicule and mockery ''omg his wife used to be a guy''  thankfully we don't have to suffer that nonsense.
We now just live like any other husband and wife.

Quote from: Pisces228 on June 08, 2017, 10:49:27 AM
My online dating profiles say I'm a trans woman.  I have had some rude guys that act like I owe them a favor because they are paying me attention and getting attention from a straight man is the Holy grail to existence as a trans women.  I have also had a few guys that are sweet and respectful but disappear when the time to go on a date approaches.  Maybe they aren't so comfortable with my transness afterall?  I am talking to a nice guy right now who is just like "whatever, I like your sense of humor."  Sometime the attitude like they don't seem phased by your being trans is nice.  I'm a normal girl, darn it!

I've had the same experiences on dating sites, whether I listed myself as intersex or as a trans woman. I did have to keep telling myself that all men are NOT the same. Otherwise, I'd still be single. That being said, there are men that do not care if you are trans or not. They do care if the people they date are honest. I wonder how some of these ladies would feel about her date never mentioning a criminal history. I am not saying being trans equates to being a criminal. What I am saying is that everyone expects a certain level of honesty.

Quote from: Lady Sarah on June 08, 2017, 08:30:41 PMI've had the same experiences on dating sites, whether I listed myself as intersex or as a trans woman. I did have to keep telling myself that all men are NOT the same. Otherwise, I'd still be single. That being said, there are men that do not care if you are trans or not. They do care if the people they date are honest. I wonder how some of these ladies would feel about her date never mentioning a criminal history. I am not saying being trans equates to being a criminal. What I am saying is that everyone expects a certain level of honesty.

Again, there's the suggestion that the claim of "being female" (or just being on the binary) is somehow dishonest.  I get it that a lot of transitioners find transition to be their defining moment, the essence around which their identity revolves.  And that's fine.  But this is not my truth. 

Furthermore, this does kind of equate transition with some sort of crime.  A transgression.  Something to confess.  That's how you've framed it. 

That's not the only way to frame it.  I frame it as a temporary medical condition, rectified with medical intervention.  And no, I would not begrudge a lover for not telling me he had a cleft palate corrected when he was younger, or that he had appendicitis, or that he was born with one leg shorter than the other and could only afford to balance it all out surgically in his 20s. 

Please don't shame those who have a different framework for understanding themselves.

Online dating is creepy. I'd never do it.


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Quote from: Valkyrie_2 on June 09, 2017, 08:32:19 AM
Online dating is creepy. I'd never do it.


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Exactly. Many are catfishing, others are just bots. I consider the ones with a paywall to be a total scam.

So here goes. Everything was going fine, to the point that we said we'd give our mobile numbers to each other in 2 weeks and meet up to see what happens. Then I told him I am transgender. He then said "live to far away". So I added him to Facebook. Now things changed. He was unsure because I am trans so we decided to meet up. Then he changed his mind and said "just be friends". So now he still wants to meet me and stay over at his. Please tell me why a guy I've  never met in person before, who doesn't want to go out with me because he now says he wants to be single, still wants to meet me and stay at his? Could it be because he is unsure? I know he does really like me with the types of Facebook messages and comments. He told me he does like me and at first said "I'm a lady".

Quote from: bethanyjadefowell on June 15, 2017, 02:21:17 AM
So here goes. Everything was going fine, to the point that we said we'd give our mobile numbers to each other in 2 weeks and meet up to see what happens. Then I told him I am transgender. He then said "live to far away". So I added him to Facebook. Now things changed. He was unsure because I am trans so we decided to meet up. Then he changed his mind and said "just be friends". So now he still wants to meet me and stay over at his. Please tell me why a guy I've  never met in person before, who doesn't want to go out with me because he now says he wants to be single, still wants to meet me and stay at his? Could it be because he is unsure? I know he does really like me with the types of Facebook messages and comments. He told me he does like me and at first said "I'm a lady".

Stay at his place? maybe he's dangerous or unsure or both? curve him. That sounds weird. He needs to meet you in person first before any sleepovers happen. My question is what would he be unsure about?

Quote from: bubbles21 on June 15, 2017, 02:46:13 AM
Stay at his place? maybe he's dangerous or unsure or both? curve him. That sounds weird. He needs to meet you in person first before any sleepovers happen. My question is what would he be unsure about?

Bubbles is totally right.  Don't go to someone's house that you've never met. Don't even think about staying with him! He could be like crazy or something and you could end up leaving his place in pickle jars. If he isn't a nut case he's probably wanting to experiment with you on the downlow. I had this guy who was really flirty and finally asked me out. I tell guys I'm trans early on. That way if he's a dick about it I haven't wasted a lot of my time on him. I told him I was trans an he said no thanks he wasn't interested. He wasn't mean or anything just like not interested. So then like 3 days later he calls me. He said he had been thinking about it and that he wanted to hook up after all.  He asked me if I still had my dick.  I told him sorry that yes I did and would have for a little while longer. He said he wanted to experiment with a trans girl and that even if it turned out he couldn't go through with it he would totally let me suck his dick.  LET me. Lol like he's doing me a favor!  I told him that was real generous of him but that I was no ones science experiment and to go ## himself.  It's sad but some guys just wanna use you to experiment and they want to do it so no one will know. ## them! We deserve a lot more than to be someone's experiment or their walk on the wild side!

I agree with the two posts above. He's either dangerous or just wanting to experiment...Try to get to know him better in public places and if you're ok with him and ok with hooking up then go for it, but don't go to his house without knowing him better.

If I were you I would be honest about who I am up front. Why not include an age range that you would be willing to date, perhaps this will keep those you are not interested in from replying to your post?

Soooo much easier to reveal first and only have conversations with people agreeable to transgender partners. My two cents worth.

Hugs, Devlyn

I put it in my profile clearly, though some people just don't bother to read profiles. The biggest problem I have is a lot of women will write me back out of curiosity, but then later it's clear they don't date trans women.  It's possible some of them didn't read my profile either, just my message.

I also put no men, and still get messaged by a lot of men.

Quote from: VeronicaLynn on June 15, 2017, 03:30:06 PM
I put it in my profile clearly, though some people just don't bother to read profiles. The biggest problem I have is a lot of women will write me back out of curiosity, but then later it's clear they don't date trans women.  It's possible some of them didn't read my profile either, just my message.

I also put no men, and still get messaged by a lot of men.

I used a simple trick when on dating sites. I wrote "be sure to mention the word 'squirrel' in your first message to me. That way, I know you actually read my profile".
Close to 95% never mentioned 'squirrel', so I had no problem deleting most of my messages. By the way, I found my husband that way.

Very clever, Lady Sara!

My very high IQ daughter and her equally intelligent friend used to mess with their high school English teachers that way.
To prove that the teachers only skim the first paragraph to bestow a grade, they'd write the most outrageous things in the middle of their papers, but never got a reaction.

In my case, I am a 64-year-old female-looking person who is also nonbinary and partially transmale, and who dresses androgynously. Yet even though I think I resemble a little old lady, it doesn't seem to matter, as I am hit on by both students and fellow teachers of both genders, young and old, and everyone else.

This is puzzling because I'm also asexual and feel zero sexual attraction to anyone, and I can't understand why youngsters would go for some old woman. My daughter, who is also androgynous, says it's the same way with her, and that even gay guys hit on her. We decided our faces are probably both "handsome" and "pretty" and that our bold personalities attract whoever is drawn to testosterone types, especially straight girls.

We have both also concluded that the male/female paradigm should be obsolete since people are all on difference places on the gender spectrum anyway.

Apparently age and gender have little to do with attraction, although the gender binary and "sexual orientation" concepts are highly entrenched in the US. You know..you're "straight" or "gay" or "bi" and not supposed to be influenced by factors outside of these labels.

I really like this.

Quote from: Julia1996 on June 16, 2017, 07:06:49 AM

very true never looked at it like that

You're only 39?

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Funny story.

I made both two profiles on a dating site, one in male presentation the other in female.

Guess what happened? Not knowing we were the same person, they had my feminine presentation message my masculine presentation, with the message obscured and behind a paywall. Sign up to read it! Sign up and pay monthly to read the message!

Erm no. I'm pretty sure I can talk to her without paying.

I never sent a message to myself. They took my profile and are telling guys god knows what with it!