After a couple of months of writing, editing, editing again, throwing away and rewriting trying a different approach, editing more, etc... I'm finally here.  Six letters to the only friends I really care to tell and two more to my sister and dad with copies of transgender 101 in them.  All set to get delivered the day before my birthday, happy birthday to me indeed.

Congrats and good luck. Let's hope the Post Office is on time.

Thanks.  Even if they are a day late, it's still on my birthday so it still works out.

Besides, my dad probably won't go get the mail until after my sister freaks out and calls him.  He's bad about that sort of thing. 

And here goes the truth 

Well done!

Thanks Dan.  It really does feel good to finally get to this point.

Now it's time to sit back and watch the fireworks so to speak.

You're doing the right thing. You need to be in control of being you. 

Colleen, right on.  When you say it really does feel good, you are right.  And even if every reaction isn't perfect and a few might go sideways or worse, you know in your heart you prepared and did the best possible. 

I came out to my immediate family as a nonbinary, partial transmale with a casual, brief group email.

That way I could edit it, briefly tell my story, give definitions, provide links to further information, if needed, and because it was a group email, nobody would feel obligated to respond, there was no dramatic confrontation, and people could digest the information without pressure.

There was little reaction or surprise, and now they know.

Quote from: Kendra on July 17, 2017, 12:35:09 AM
Colleen, right on.  When you say it really does feel good, you are right.  And even if every reaction isn't perfect and a few might go sideways or worse, you know in your heart you prepared and did the best possible.

I DEFINITELY did more than enough second guessing when drafting all of this. 

My sister I have no clue about, my dad is probably going to freak out in his passive-aggressive sort of way and go silent (or maybe get preachy, it's tough to tell), and honestly I am expecting half of my friends to jump ship.  But I'm a big girl, I haven't lived under my dad's roof for nearly 20 years, and as much as it will hurt, I can always make more friends.

Update time.

Honestly more good than bad.  My dad has gone silent toward me and is apparently coming a bit unhinged over this.  My sister seems to think I'm a drag queen with multiple personalities but at least she's communicating and trying to understand.  My brother apparently said "I don't understand but if you're happy, whatever."

My friends have been great.  I've gotten everything from "I always knew you were angry about something and now it makes sense" to "well that's good because I know how hard that can be."  Apparently an old acquaintance of mine and friend of his transitioned a couple years ago so he's familiar with it.  And his wife demands that I get a pedicure with her.

The world didn't collapse and the sun is shining on you between some of the clouds.

Good outcome!

I compare my coming out to yours, you win some you lose some. I'm sure you agree that the great feeling of no longer hiding strongly out weighs the negativity that some may create for you. Keep your allies close and the ones you're not sure about at a bit of a distance, in most cases they will come around.  kudos girl.
 

YES - more good than bad, and (the most important part) kudos Colleen for doing your best. 

Quote from: Dan on July 22, 2017, 04:47:13 PM
The world didn't collapse and the sun is shining on you between some of the clouds.

Good outcome!

Not so fast.  Some people think the upcoming eclipse will be the end of the world!

https://www.express.co.uk/news/weird/750224/END-OF-THE-WORLD-august-Solar-eclipse-apocalypse-second-coming   

Maybe I can delay coming out to my wife and family till after this hmmm..  probably not a good idea in the long run and besides the last time I put off something I made a real mess of it

Thanks everyone.

Another update:
My sister is creeped out by the fact that I'm staying with my girlfriend.  The one thing that isn't changing is what bothers her the most.  She realizes the irony and laughs about it so I'm not worried about that.

My dad still hasn't contacted me but his wife did on the sly.  (she's a great person and I love her to death)  Apparently he's taking time to "word it correctly" but she's accepting and hopes that I find happiness.  She assures me that they both love me and that they will both be there for me.  We'll see what the old man cooks up when he gets around to finishing it.

That's wonderful to hear.

Colleen you picked good parents.  And I can relate.   

Your sister's reaction reminds me of younger siblings pushing buttons and teasing each other when parents aren't looking.  Don't make me pull this car over.

But seriously, I think you have set a great example of how to do this the right way.  Might not apply to everyone but you landed the best results possible for your situation.  Sounds like your dad is having to think things over, but I bet with time he will appreciate you as your true self. 

For those among us who encounter a difficult outcome, challenges are what they are.  Make decisions for the long term.

We'll see about my dad, as for his wife?  It took him four tries but he finally got a good one. 
(Why yes he does preach about the sanctity of marriage,  lol) 

My real mom?  Word is she's saying that she's supportive to my sister but at the same time playing the "woe is me with my son the ->-bleeped-<-gy crossdresser" pity card among her church friends.  That woman seriously gets off on pity, it's nothing new and caused many problems in my childhood.  Child abuse kind of problems involving doctor shopping and getting me diagnosed with as much as possible so she could tell her friends.  A real piece of work and I want nothing to do with her.

I have no illusions about how extremely fortunate I am with how smoothly this is going.  Especially compared to many of my peers and how badly they got treated.  Apparently word is getting around back home and an old friend that I haven't seen in years sent me supportive texts today.  I guess I wasn't as good at hiding it as I thought.  Lots of "well that explains a lot" sort of feelings.

I also can't take all the credit, my girlfriend, my therapist, and the other girls in my support group were a huge help. 

This all sounds great.  Go easy on your dad if/when you see him next.  I recommend not wearing a dress and heels.  Go conservative.  It worked for me everytime.

Congratulations.

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